I have been a homeschooling mother since about 2012. Homeschooling was not something I dreamed of doing. I was homeschooled from the time I was in grade three until I was in grade seven and I actually loved it. My family lived in a sprawling, drafty, heritage house with a creek running along beside it. We had apple trees and meadows and the kindest neighbours. I had the most stunning view out of my homeschool room window and I loved to write and dream. I hated Math though. That was my downfall.
My mom was a certified teacher and a good one. She worked hard to help us memorize poetry and scripture and to cover all we needed to know. My siblings made teaching challenging for her and in the end she felt like she failed miserably. However I don't think she did at all. She contributed to a lot of magical childhood memories because we got to be free and outside so often and because she read such lovely literature and poetry to us. She also taught us about the famous composers and artists in history and took us swimming and ice skating every week. She was fantastic.
Fast forward to when I became a mother and my oldest needed to start school. My mom had hammered into my head to NEVER homeschool. She had felt like it was so hard and that I could never do it. I was going to send my daughter to a public school just down the road but was told it was quite a rough place. I found out a local christian school had a very cheap rate for kindergarteners and so I signed her up there.
By grade two I knew she needed to be homeschooled. She had gone through a lot in her life and her anxiety was consuming her. I joined right in in that anxiety and instead of giving her time to play and recalibrate at home before we started I tried to homeschool right away, and failed miserably. However I kept on homeschooling and homeschooling and homeschooling until today! I am still at it!
I ended up with children with pretty extreme dyslexia and some with pretty extreme ADHD. I ended up with children with some extreme anxiety issues. I ended up with strong willed children who abhor learning from me. I ended up with children that would not necessarily thrive in a school setting. I also ended up with siblings who spent a lot of time together. I ended up with a lot of moments of togetherness that I would not have had since my children are so spaced in age. I have lived a life where I am constantly learning.
Homeschooling has never felt easy for me. There have been times where there is fun and connection and joy. However, truthfully my children are so hard to manage and teach. I do not run an efficient household meaning that my children refuse to do consistent chores or clean up after themselves. My two older children were not quite as strong willed in that sense but my three younger girls are something else!! My children don't tick boxes or fit into molds. Any other friend that homeschooled had such a different story than myself. That did not help me feel like any sort of competent normal person. I WISHED I could send my children to the homeschool community classes or sign up with the major homeschooling schools everyone else was with. However, I could not. I just struggled along year after year feeling like a failure even if actually I was far from it.
Why write this?
Maybe you are a homeschooling mother? Maybe it's not exactly your dream come true? My neighbour next door? She is a thriving homeschooling mother. She harvests dead birds wings and preserves them and loves lesson planning and having her children gathered around happily learning. Her children can write essays which is a big deal in my eyes. Another friend after homeschooling could put her child in school a grade ahead. Not one of the friends that I had that were homeschooling seemed to struggle in the same way I did. I felt like such a complainer! Maybe you feel like this too? Maybe the children at your co op or the other homeschooling moms seem to be thriving and you are barely hanging on?
Maybe you are homeschooling because your children were suffering in school and you are doing this out of necessity. Maybe it stresses you out because of the pressure to succeed? Maybe you feel like this is not what you want for your life? Maybe you walk around touched out, over stimulated, and so wishing your child could go be taught by someone else each day not because you don't want to do it but because it feels impossible?
If so, well, I am sorry, and I understand.
I have had to examine my heart over and over through this. Homeschooling really is not about me in the slightest. Every new school year I have dreaded beginning and have struggled through the days. Some years I have felt more resolved and strengthened. Two years ago I homeschooled five children at very different grade levels with a baby on my hip and I know so many mothers do that. I felt pretty confident in some respects that year. That's a good one for me to file away....2024 was not so shabby :)
However, I wanted to pass on a few tips for the not exactly thriving homeschooling mother.
If you have any spare money at all....hire a housecleaner. Lift some of the load off your shoulders. If you have even more money...hire a mother's helper or a tutor. My two oldest children eventually ended up with government funding for special needs and so I was able to hire tutors to help them in their later years. This was a relief once we found the right people. OR maybe you have a mother or mother in law that would help? If so, you are blessed among women. Ask for help any time you feel you need it and I hope help comes.
If you can, take time in homeschooling to teach what you love. Maybe it is Science or writing. I LOVE to write but not a single one of my children love to write and some absolutely refuse. However I can read them poetry and books by good writers and so that is what I have done. I also love to talk about my faith and our family history and so I do that often.
Carve out time for yourself. I have no idea what that may look like for you but it will enrich your life. It can be so simple and it doesn't mean you are child free. It may mean playing some of the music you like and drinking a cup of tea or going for a walk with everyone because nature really blesses you. It is just something that brings YOU joy :)
Don't waste time being a victim or feeling like you are a failure if you can help it. I have done that WAY too much. Problem solve, figure out what works, have self discipline and find a good curriculum you like. It will take time and effort and consistency. It will also make all the difference.
This year I have kept things quite simple for myself. My curriculum for my seven year old takes about half an hour to do but she is learning language arts and math. She takes piano lessons and plays soccer and goes to a little four hour class once a week where she is out in nature, involved with animals, and does art and poetry memorization. There is so much more I could be doing but this is enough for this time.
My twelve year old is taking a year off. That means he is going to the class my seven year old is going to but the older version. He does math, Dutch duo lingo, spelling and reading every day and has tutoring once a week for language arts and history and he is in Boy Scouts. Once again, there could and should be so much more he is doing but for now this is working and he is happy and not fighting me.
This year both of the children are also registered homeschoolers rather than enrolled homeschoolers. Here where I live you can be registered until your child is in grade ten and they can still graduate normally. Being registered means you don't have a teacher writing you a report card and you do not need to report to a teacher weekly. You have a lot of flexibility and I am thankful for this. This was not an option I ever used until just a few years ago. It has been a good choice for this time in life.
I hope that one day my children will go to school and thrive. I had wanted my twelve year old to go to school this year but he needed another year at home. My sixteen year old is attending a brick and mortar school for the first time ever and she is in grade twelve. She is thriving on so many levels and I am so grateful.
I want to be that mom that just loves homeschooling. I truly do. I want it to feel a bit easier, and nourishing, and warm, and just happy! It often is so opposite. The three year old cries and whines if I try to read aloud or teach. The seven year old has a negative attitude at learning time which is when the three year old magically naps, and I just feel exhausted with work and pressure and knowing I should be so much more than I am. 'Why am I like this,' is often what goes through my head.
However, this is reality and when I see homeschool moms on social media they look so put together I cannot fathom how they do it. Often they have a lot more children than I do as well and they are homesteading on top of it. I so deeply admire their capabilities and also know that is quite simply just not me.
This is my reality. May it NOT be yours, but maybe it is. If it is...well, keep on doing what you can. Do your best, work hard, stay the course, find help (don't go it alone if you don't have to) and take care of yourself okay! You are awesome. You are doing hard things and it matters.
Bless you dearly!
Tansy
Also PS.
Something that I find so interesting is that my parents have ten grandchildren and they all have been homeschooled. So far my daughter plans to homeschool her children as well! SO, my mom must have not failed quite as much as she thought she did considering all her children that had children of their own decided to homeschool.
Here is one of the beautiful moments of homeschooling ~ going to the zoo with cousins :)
