Thoughts on Moving

 Thought on moving:

  When I was small I stayed in one town and one house (that I can remember) until I was eight year old. I then moved to an island, to a farm, and lived there till I was thirteen. I then moved back to the same town I had left and have stayed in this town ever since. One of the things that drew me to my husband, before we started dating, was that he didn't want to stay in this town. I didn't either. We dreamed of many things but nothing that involved this town. We have tried to move out of this town so.many.times. It has never worked!! It has sometimes felt so frustrating and we have lamented. 

  However, this town, the people, the opportunities, the lessons, it has been what we needed. If we had gotten what we wanted and left, things would have been so different. If we had moved when we first were married we would not have our oldest daughter. If we had been able to move out of our country to the third world country we planned on, our marriage surely would not have survived. 

  We have moved around this town (but stayed in one general area) more times than I ever imagined. We started our marriage moving a street down from my home I grew up in as a teenager. For the first few months I would pull in my parents driveway and then realize that I didn't live there anymore! Then we moved back to my parents house for almost two years. After that we moved to an apartment for a summer and then we bought a house. That house was a cold, drafty, beautiful, unique, heritage house that we adored. We brought home two babies there. Then we moved to a farm where we had renovated a massive barn to become our home. We lived there for a few years before needing to move rather abruptly. We ended up in a basement suite for six months before buying another home! After this we moved again and have stayed in this house for eleven years. All of these houses were located within a seven minute drive of each other. 

   I have brought two babies home to this house we live in now. We are most probably moving again, and soon. I cannot wrap my head around it. I honestly cannot see how I can pack up this house. It is so full. There is camping gear, clothing for upcoming children, winter gear, games, homeschooling books, toys and tools and linens, photo albums,  and the list of blessings is endless. The packing job is astronomical. I am such a sentimental person and most of my children are as well. Almost every possession holds memories and feels special. It can get ridiculous but it is what it is. We are not hoarders but we are lovers or our treasures! This move that we are doing is such a blessing and such an opportunity for growth and beauty. However a move is a move. It is daunting and exhausting and there is so much work. There are multiple renovations to do and all of the rests heavily on my husband. Can I help everyone with the transition? Can I manage my sentimentality? It is going to be an interesting last few months in this house. We have one last Christmas here but this last family dinner we had in October may be the last full family dinner we ever have in this house. My sister, who lived with us for years and who I think of as part of our family, was here for my daughter's sixteenth birthday and so all twelve of us were together in the house for I think the last time. My son is away for Christmas and so we will not all be together if my sister comes out as planned.

It just matters to me ~ all these details.

It just does

I would sometimes love to be just a bit less intense you know, manage change with more grace and less angst. I would love to be someone who looks forward to change and challenge but I hold onto to what I have now and find change daunting.

I am nearing the time where I need to start sorting and saying goodbye to unnecessary possessions and trying to envision where each thing will fit in a new space.

I just want to stay here. I just want to stay cozy and together.

I can to do this.

I can be an adult, talk myself through this, and be what I need to be.

But in this moment, late at night, while everyone is cozy, and asleep, and together....I wouldn't change it.

xo

If Only The Leaves Could Stay (and I could freeze time)

 The leaves are falling now

I wish I could ask them to stay

To explain that I want to freeze time

That time feels like those windy days where leaves swirl madly

My little grandson giggles in a way that I never want to change

And my youngest daughter dresses up like a princess every single day

My baby granddaughter is giving her first smiles 

The light in her eyes! It is breathtaking

The Autumn sunlight fills our front entryway with rainbows

Rainbows on the stairs

The glad game remembered

And the sky is the perfect blue untouched by pollution

The mountains are at their most majestic somehow

The air feels like how it must have felt before pollution came

And I only grow older

My skin starting to droop

My mind feeling scattered and 

Oh I don't want to forget!

Today my seven year old wanted to sew a dress

Just like that

No patterns, no forethought, no knowledge

She started cutting fabric and was quickly reduced to tears realizing that this could not be

At least not right that minute

But her confidence! 

And my twelve year old is hovering on manhood but still wants to show me things every day

I cannot fathom that my time as a mother with young children is so quickly fading away

I don't want the leaves to fall

I wish I could remember this, feel this, embrace this

For all time

It is so so SO precious

And so, if you are young mom reading this ~ if you are so tired, or bored, or feeling lost, 

I know

I am with you

And yet I am now through it too

And I will miss it every day for the rest of my life.

Deep inside me there will always be that longing AND that knowing

That THIS was the best years of my life ~ and drawing it out like I have

I am so thankful. 

I know that beautiful times are ahead as well. I am aware that there is always beauty. But this time, right now, with us all together in one house? It has been so incredibly precious. 

This is me in August 2023. Will this be my last baby? My last pregnancy? I expect so, but I will never say never.

New Chairs

 For a while now I have wanted to have matching chairs in my dining room. My house has a collection of furniture that is very elderly. I have my grandfather's uncle's table in our dining room. However my mom had to let go of the chairs at some point because she needed money. I have had a very random assortment of chairs around it. They ranged from two black chairs with velvet seats, to a vintage wooden chair with a covered seat, to two smaller wooden chairs and anyway the collection was not pleasing to the eye by any means. My husband built me a bench to go on one side of the table and I am so thankful for that. I just needed five chairs that were all the same and maybe had some sort of finish on them that didn't stand out all that much. A few days ago on a bidding site I saw some chairs that I thought could maybe work. They had a teal blue cover on the seats that I thought maybe could be recovered at some point. I watched the chairs and no one bid on them. The starting bid was $20.00 and there were six chairs offered. Eventually at the last hour I bid the $20.00 and won them. My husband picked them up and brought them home and I realized that the blue covers on them were temporary. Today my daughter removed the chair seats and took off the blue covers and underneath was a dark chocolate velvet with a hint of red. This was better than I could have imagined. We removed all the blue covers and I washed and shined the chairs and put them around the table and for the first time I have matching chairs and all for $20.00. They are made of wood, sturdy, vintage and beautiful to me.

One of my couches is from my parents, another couch is off of a marketplace site, a chair is from the same site. Everything I own is second hand and nothing matches. We have never bought anything new from my recollection. I am happy with this but there is the odd time (like in the last year) that I have wished for something that is cohesive (my dining room chairs matching). 

Anyway it was just a little (or not so little) something that brought me great joy today. 

Chairs :)

I hope you have a lovely Sunday and that as you go forward into this week, whatever the weather, whatever the circumstances, that you will find strength and courage to keep on.

Love Tansy

More Photos From Life

  We are all in this house together for just a few more weeks until everything changes. I hold so much grief around this. Being in this house together has been such a gift. My oldest daughter has gone through such a complete change it has been a miracle. She went from moving out quite young and not having much to do with us to moving back in with a husband and baby on the way. She now has two babies and it has been the most precious experience to be such a part of their lives. They are not moving far and we will move even closer to them soon enough but in a few short weeks we will stop living in the same house maybe forever. 

This has been a such a precious time. My grandson is so connected to us all. I have been given so many gifts in all this ~ eleven of us in one house!!

The first day of school ever :) (beginning grade 12)

                                   My sweet grandson with his 'oosie' as he calls his soother

                                                  My sweet son holding his little niece

                                                              A fun flower arranging day 

                                                          Mommas with their babies 

           All of us at the fall fair ~ it wasn't the best year ever but we all made it there :)

                                        Baby snuggling is an important part of our every day

When my sister is over (she lived with us for many years) then my WHOLE family is complete (all twelve of us in the house for the last time together).

Sweet Sixteen

 My sweet daughter turned sixteen and at the end of her birthday I asked her how she felt about being sixteen and her eyes welled up with tears and she started to cry.

She has loved being a child and the thought of being an adult does not hold the same appeal it held for my oldest daughter. 

I didn't really know what to say. She has been and still is the sweetest daughter. She is so fun and so fun loving. She is so funny too. She doesn't always use a lot of words but her face tells a whole story. She is loyal and patient, and the favourite sibling to each of her siblings. I hope beyond hope that she will find adulthood so much better than she expects and even though us as parents have maybe not demonstrated the happiest easiest adulthood experience hers can be thousands of times better!

What a gift to have her be mine.

This is the dessert she requested. It has a layer of crushed Oreos, then homemade chocolate pudding, and then on the top is a mixture of cream cheese, peanut butter, sugar, vanilla, and whip cream. It was so delicious (and very sweet like she is).

She didn't want a friends party this year but we had a family party and my sisters travelled to my house for it which was so special.

We prayed for her as a family and my sister also read a blessing over her as well. 

Her dad wrote her a letter and presented her with a special ring to signify her great value and to help her remember this as the years go by. 

I did secretly invite dear friend who lives far away and she came as a surprise and that was really fun :)

Dedication

 Last Sunday my oldest daughter dedicated her new daughter at church and at the same time I dedicated my youngest daughter. Now obviously their dads were there and involved as well but both my daughter and I set it up and made it happen. My daughter was the one who told me she was getting her daughter dedicated and I remembered my youngest had not been dedicated yet so it was perfect.

I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, aka stress about it. On Sunday I made sure all my children were present and my sister kindly drove out with her children to be there as well. It was the simplest and smallest dedication out of all my children but also one that was so special!

We all went up to the front of the church ~ my whole family ~ and my daughter's husband has nine siblings and his family was there so they were all up there along with his grandparents. My sister came up with her children and it was a really special moment. 

My hope, the cry of my heart, is for my children to know that they know that God loves them, that God hears them, that God sees them. I have dedicated all my children to God, committing to raise them with the morals and values that they can choose to adopt or let go of as adults. 

I was SO grateful to have that moment with my family. It felt sacred and beautiful and powerful.

So often in my parenting journey I have failed and caused hurt and just done damage. The core of who I am though is that moment ~ all of us together ~ before God and witnesses ~ with family gathered. 

Pictures

This is just photos from the last while. The click of a camera. The gift of freezing time into a memory ~ a gift.