The Island Spring 2026 part 2

 After seeing our dog and feeling so full of joy in those moments we headed out for another hour drive to  special place for us all. Keep in mind we have all been up since 2:30am and we are very tired and some of us still sick. 

We went to see my husband's sister and her family who live in my old home town. When we arrived in some ways it felt so familiar and so lovely. We first started visiting them in 2020 when my seven year old was very small. Everyone has grown so much since then but we still fall into our familiar small self roles in the best of ways. The kids went outside to play and chat, then settled into board games. My sister in law made a delicious, simple vegetarian dinner for fourteen people! We ate and chatted and my daughter and I went down to the beach and to visit my grandparents memorial tree. We also went to my childhood street. I just had to. This all did our souls a world of good.

After we had visited and reluctantly left we drove for two more hours to get to where we were staying for the weekend. The place we stayed is my childhood friend's property. I met her on this island when I was about eight years old. We have remained friends since. We attended each other's weddings and between us have ten living children. The fact that she is willing to have all us over for a weekend astound me. The amount of food needed to feed us all, and the amount of energy and planning needed to put into hosting us all is not lost on me. She was also willing to welcome us not 100 percent healthy. All I can say is, may God bless her so so SO richly. Staying at her house was the catalyst to us regaining our health for the first time in three months. 

Her property is an oasis for us. I recognize the sheer amount of work it is for her family to maintain it the way that they do, and I so appreciate that. We felt such joy there, such peace, and we had so much fun. I have not seen my son running with laughter spilling from him in so long. All of our hearts were ministered to in so many ways.

My friend lives on this property with her parents as well, and I can see that even though that presents with challenges, the massive blessings that also comes with it are many. From the Daffodils planted at the base  of the trees, to the burn piles everywhere, to the casual drop ins from her mom and dad to chat about something, it just felt really beautiful. 

It felt a little daunting to leave and head back to real life. However since being back everyone has mostly maintained being healthy. That has been a blessing. We have had some big ups and downs since coming back but the trip bolstered us and gave us some core things that we needed to continue on. Thank you Katrina and Courtney and families for loving us and welcoming us. Bless you!

The Island Spring 2026 Part 1

 In the first week of April my children, husband and I went to visit the place I spent formative years. It is one of my favourite places on earth because of the memories and because of how I feel when I go there. We went to visit family friends we had not been able to visit as a family for a few years as times of changed financially. 

However, until the day we left and still while travelling some of my children were sick. While on the ferry to get there one child was refusing to eat because of pain in his throat. We had been sick for months and I just hoped that once we go there somehow we would all get better.

The morning of our trip we all squished into our seven passenger mini van. This van had five adult sized people, a car seat, and all our luggage. There were seven of us travelling, I was in the back middle seat because that was where I had to fit. We left at 3 in the morning to try to catch the first ferry. Every other time we have done this we have been successful and have just been able to go onto the ferry. We arrived at 4am for the 5am sailing. I had made plans for friends to meet us at a beach in the earlier morning and then to be in other places at different times throughout the day. As we payed for the ferry I thought I heard the gentleman say that we may not catch a ferry. until 12:45. It was 4am. Say what?????!!!!!!!! I double checked with my husband as were driving into the line up and he confirmed. My heart dropped and my breathing accelerated. It was rainy, windy, and everyone was wide awake. 

That morning was a long one. The 5am ferry came and went, the 7:45am ferry came and went, and then we heard a rumour we may make it onto the 10:15am ferry. I was holding onto hope. I had already cancelled a lot of our plans and felt pretty sick about it. We had waited six hours in a very crowded vehicle and were hanging on by small threads. When the ferry arrived the truck in front of us was allowed on (we were the second in line) and that was it. I felt like I was going to vomit. Then when the ferry was almost full they let us on along with three other cars. My relief was just huge.

We made it through the two hour ferry ride without too much drama although I heard an announcement about not running on the ferry while still in the vehicle with the sleeping baby and wondered if that was because of my crew, and yes it was!

When we drove off the ferry the weight lifted for me as it always does. I am just home. I am myself. It is a relief. We headed straight over to visit our dog who is not ours anymore. We had her for three years before our baby made it clear she would not share any sort of house with an animal that wanted so much attention. The couple that has our dog now are the sweetest humans and love her so dearly. 

Seeing her was such a blessing. She remembered us and her loving heart was beautifully expressed. Oh I just was so thankful to see her!

The Triumphs of March 2026

 Here are moments in photos from March. Every family is unique and every family has struggles. Our family has more than a few. However we also have our triumphs and they are glorious.

Happy Spring

 Happy Spring :) The weather is glorious today. I have not written for a while and that is because life was just too much and I had no writing in me.

Today however the sun is shining, Tulips are wide open to the sun, the birds are singing and flitting through the trees, all of my respective family are happy and healthy and out and about! I am home alone which has been a rare occurrence for years now. 

This winter was challenging to say the least. There were three months of multiple sicknesses that spread through the family. I was care taking and up all hours night after night. It felt like a winter that would not end.

Guess what.

It ended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I made it through. Not unscathed. I am exhausted and in some ways feeling the long term effects. However I am thankful and determined and very aware of the truth of the situation.

Happy to be here ~ thankful for my precious family ~ thankful that we are all together ~ thankful for each person and their beauty and their uniqueness.

May you greet each day, and whatever it brings, with strength and may you walk in victory. There is power in your thoughts, in your perspective and in your choices. May I remember that, and may you as well.

Love Tansy

Tender

 Have you ever noticed a tenderness in your body? There are different kinds of tender ~ physically tender ~ when you are unwell or injured and your body aches. There is also an emotional kind of tenderness that comes sometimes very strongly but I think is always present and in different forms.

The last few months have been a time of testing for my mental health. I have had very little sleep and little ones and big ones that were so sick and needed my time and attention day and night for weeks and weeks. I pushed through day after day literally tending fevered brows and soothing children who cried and moaned endlessly. The rain poured down and when one sickness would end another one would begin. I had moments of panic and moments of despair as there was no let up, and it felt like this was more than I could bear. During this time I didn't have anyone to help or lift the load of this. I felt very alone. I did have a friend who made my bone broth and jello for our family and that was such a kindness. I just mean that in my house there was no one to lift the load. I am the mother and I am needed. 

Then Valentines day came and the night before I managed to write my Valentines to my children and husband which felt like a big accomplishment. I managed a grocery shop where I could buy some chocolate that I use every year to decorate the table. That night was one of the hardest. I did not get sleep all night. When my husband got up in the morning I asked him to stay with the sick ones so I could sleep for two hours. After that time I got up and made a special breakfast. I had decorated the table. I gave literally everything I had to give to my family in that moment. I was dizzy and undone and just so beyond tired as that was the second night in a row of only two hours of sleep. Everyone ate and then left the table. No one thought to clear their places or even to really thank me. I asked my husband to get everyone to please clean up so I could rest for a while. When I woke up later the food was still out and the dishes undone. I angrily asked my husband why things were not cleaned up and that unleashed a diluge of verbal unkindness to me from him. I was told I was many negative things. I felt physically punched over and over even though I wasn't. I was in the wrong as well I know. However I was so weak in that moment and I had given literally everything I had. I had this realization yet again, yet again, how little value I have here. Walking around day after day knowing you don't have much value is exhausting. 

Since then I have been feeling tender. People are still sick. I am still caretaking. Through these last months I have been so thankful to not get sick but I am sick now. I ache everywhere and it echoes how I feel emotionally. Today my sweet little one turns seven and I am valiantly doing all I can to celebrate her. This is her first day in over a month she feels better. What a gift.

What do I do when I feel this tender? There is not a lot of space to do much. I need to work on my mindset and attitude. I hope to be able to physically tend to myself when people are less sick. I hope to have a counselling session. Writing this is, for me, a way to acknowledge that I in no way deserved to be treated the way that I was on Valentine's day and that it's okay that the hurt lingers. Also, I need to process the feelings and let them go. Everyone has their reasons they respond the way they do and having the capacity to see other perspectives is a gift as well. I understand the circumstances in it all. I just wish that there could have been such a different outcome to the day. The hurt will be there for a long time. I was so vulnerable, so weak, and I just needed some help and some kindness. 

I wanted to say that this happens to everyone at different points. We are all worthy of love and care and of being valued. In our most vulnerable moments is when people can hurt us the most. It is the most beautiful thing when we are vulnerable and honoured but the most ugly when we are vulnerable and not.

May you, as you enter the month of March, go forward in your tenderness, in your givingness, in your vulnerability, and may you feel loved and seen and held. 

You are worthy of this, 

xo

Travel ~ Mexico

  When I was in my early twenties I went to Mexico. I was working with a man my age who had been in a tragic car accident when he was sixteen. He had sustained serious brain damage but he was a walking miracle. He was going to college to become an ordained minister. My job was to attend classes with him and help him maintain organization and read all his textbooks to him. During this time he took a year off to do a program that involved a missions trip to Mexico. I had never been there before but his parents asked if I would go for one week of the trip. His dad would go for the other week. He sometimes had seizures and he also had no bone in some parts of his skull and sometimes he would forget that he needed to be careful. My job was so try to make sure he didn't get too overtired and that he was reminded to take care of his body. It was not an easy thing. He so badly wanted to feel normal and just be himself. 

 This trip was for the purpose of building homes for people that did not currently have one. The home was built in two weeks by a team or teams of people that came from different parts of the world. It was a program put on by Youth With a Mission. The teams could bring down furnishings for the home if they so chose as well as choose the lay out of the home. We stayed on the YWAM base in rooms with multiple bunk beds. Girls were in one room boys in another. Our job was to support teams that were coming down to serve. I did not realize it would be cold there and did not pack proper clothing. I was also not able to go and help with the house building all that much as there was not enough room for me in the vehicles. I stayed at the base cooking and cleaning. It was a challenging trip in many ways. However there were a few things that struck me. We did get to go out one night to a restaurant and the food was so delicious and full of flavour. I loved Mexican food. Secondly there were tolls everywhere the roads. I had not encountered that before. Also there were random horses on the side of the highways and that seemed so dangerous. The water was beautiful as well but it was not like Belize and the beaches where we were were not clean. We did not swim much. 

 Shopping was a phenomenal experience because I had never even considered bartering in my life, but bartering in Mexico was alive and well. I bought a few treasures to bring home and throughly enjoyed arguing with the shop keepers to get a price that was a bit more fair. 

 I remember clearly when the house the team was helping build was finished. It consisted of a small front room that had a tiny propane stove. There was room for a small table and there was a door and a window. Then there was an opening to go into the back room where the whole family slept. This house was 'furnished' by the team so there was a table and two chairs, and a bunk bed. There was bedding and plates, cups, etc. It was the most simple small house I had seen. There was no running water or plumbing but when the family was brought in they were moved to tears. Their thankfulness was a good eye opener to me. This was their first home and it was a treasure. It was for a family of five I believe. 

 Another clear memory was visiting a home for elderly people. According to what I was told many elderly people were not cared for by their families in their old age. There were many who ended up on the streets. This is just what I was told. Our team was taken up a big hill where at the top of a very steep driveway was a building that held a room for woman, a room for men, and a kitchen/dining area. There were a few bathrooms and a courtyard. We were tasked with hair cutting and shaving and bathing people. Never in my life had I done that before. I tear up as I write. These sweet souls so rarely had kind touch. When we cut their hair in terrible hair cuts (because of dull scissors and zero experience) they beamed with thankfulness. We cut toenails and shaved beards in the sunshine. Many of the elderly women held dolls as we tried to trim their hair with dull scissors. All they had was a bed in a room filled with other woman in their beds. They were sweet and kind and deeply precious. We helped feed them lunch, and afterwards we did a little performance for them and then brought out a piñata. I don't know whose idea that was but it was genius. This brought SO MUCH joy to these sweet people who had really nothing to do. To see frail little ladies attempting to smash a piñata and just beaming for joy was the best thing really. We went back to the base determined to buy this place razors that actually were sharp and scissors that worked! We so wanted to help. 

 Like I had said, our job there was to be support to the base and help them with teams that were coming to build houses. Some of our team members drove big fifteen passenger vans through the streets of Mexico, with paper maps (no GPS ) to big hotels to pick up teams of wealthy people coming to serve. There were MANY close calls and the vans did sustain some damage. When I think back to what was required and how people just stepped up to do things they had NEVER done and in many ways were so dangerous....it is astonishing. It is also incredible and heart warming to think back. 

 I remember going to a prison there and my friend preaching to a room full of men who were going through so much. She preached a powerful message that impacted me deeply and them as well.

 The trip was very hard for me in multiple ways. I wasn't really part of the team, I was an outsider but all the people on the team were people I knew. The man that I was there to support didn't want me there. My travel to Mexico was SO stressful. I took a plane from my country to California  and a taxi and a train to the borders of California and Mexico and then met people who picked me up and drove me over the border into Mexico. I had never been on a train, and no idea how to catch a train. I had no cell phone. I had to find a specific taxi at the airport and that almost didn't happen, and make the right train at the right time.  When I got on the train I truly did not know if I was on the right one. There were so many close calls and just sheer panic on my part. My first train ride made me feel motion sick. I remember seeing the beautiful beaches off in the distance and a lady behind me was talking loudly on her cell phone most of the trip. By the time I arrived in Mexico at my destination I felt like I had aged many years :) 

 I came home changed. I had met beautiful people, I had gone through hard experiences, and I was challenged in so many ways. I was married at the time so I was also away from my husband for the first time and that was hard too. I had been treated really unkindly at times and felt vulnerable and alone and had to serve and serve in ways that I did not want to. Yet it was so good for me to experience all of these things and have the opportunity to gain depth of character. 

Mexico is a beautiful place and I am thankful I said yes to going. 

Belonging

 Sometimes I long to feel like I belong so deeply.  There is such a deep ache I can scarcely manage the pain. Where have I felt I belonged? I have had times of belonging and they have been sustaining now for a long time. When I was younger I lived on a hobby farm and owned chickens, a goat, bunnies and a pony. We had other animals as well that were not my own. I felt like I belonged there. Our house was right by a creek that made soothing lovely sounds. Our neighbours owned Appaloosa horses and were so kind to me. My other neighbours were good friends and all the neighbours all around were other friends and we all knew each other and played every day. The street was beautiful, full of forest and field and we were safe. Each day I spent hours outside. We had a heritage barn with huge beams stacked with hay bales that I spent hours in. I climbed trees and built forts and skated on the creek and rode my pony and homeschooled and lived the best life I could. My parents were struggling extremely during this time and so life was not perfect, there were many hard things, but I belonged there. I was so close to the Ocean and my friends were so sweet and my pony gave me purpose. We had community and freedom. 

We moved when I was thirteen back to my home town, I went to my old school and it took a few years but then I belonged there as well for a time. After graduation life unravelled little bit by little bit. Because of my time at the farm I knew what community felt like, also because of my grade eleven and twelve years of high school I also know what community felt like. It was a beautiful thing that I missed for years in my adult years.

Community is not perfect, far from it, but there are so many cultures where community is a way of life. It has its challenges but it also makes so much sense if the community is healthy and supportive. All through my adult years I have hoped that somehow community would come. However, I have not done anything to foster community for a long time. As much as I long for it I don't have capacity to foster it. I hope that maybe in the future I will feel community with my grown children although I don't want to put that pressure on them. I just wanted to acknowledge this feeling that never goes away.

xo