Thoughts On The Covid

 Has the entire world lost their ability to think logically? As the days slip by and everything seems to spin faster and faster out of control I can't help but wonder...is this really happening? Why is the world being told to stay in their homes? Why are businesses shut down and churches not able to meet and people living in horrible fear alone? Yes yes I KNOW about the scary virus going around. I know! I also know that there is the flue and cancer and many other things that kill us in great numbers every day ~ and yet we have not been quarantined for that. I also know about flattening the curve and about protecting the elderly etc. However it is all being taken too far. This is my opinion and really who reads this and who will care? I am writing this because it matters a lot to me and I want to put it out there.

 It is late at night. I just got my two  youngest children down to sleep (for a little while at least). I feel like the reality I am in is beyond ridiculous and today I just hit a wall. People are acting as if each other have the plague and yet all these people are perfectly healthy. They are shaming others for making their own choices about their health. They are your family, your friends, and have been social distancing for well over a month! They are not sick! If they are they would not be out and about! Why are we still social distancing? Why is our economy crashing around us? Why are freedoms being stripped away more and more? Why are parks closed, lakes, trails? Why are people really believing they should not be out in nature and in the sunshine? Why are elderly people staying terrified in their homes shut off from the world? I KNOW about the virus but I also know reality. The hospitals where I live are not overrun, but people are losing their homes. Children are being traumatized to some degree and have lost the lifestyle they had taken joy in. We have deprived people of the right to celebrate, grieve, even die, with family present! So much of life is at a standstill.

  I am not okay with any of this. I refuse to live in fear. I understand that if you are immune compromised you should not be out and about right now. You should wear a mask if you do go out and take extra precautions. You can visit with people you feel are safe, maybe outside, six feet apart if you feel best about that. You can get your groceries delivered for a while right to your door.  You can take supplements to boost your immune system. You can't do this forever though. At some point you just have to trust that life is life and we all need to live our best ones. We who are healthy and not immune compromised? We should be out there living life to the fullest as well! We should be fighting off this virus with our immune systems and enjoying the Spring. We should be more aware of our frailties and changing the way we live to be more prepared for things like this. However we should not be living in fear and losing so much!

 I fully believe I had the Corona Virus in January of 2020. It was not fun I can tell you, and I was sick for two months. It is not something to joke about and to be honest I am not very strong in many ways. I lived though and the rest of my family fought it off. If you KNOW you are not strong and need to be cautious then do it! However if you are a relatively healthy person just know that it is okay to hug people, to live a normal life, to wash your hands and be aware of germs if you so choose to be. It is okay to help a friend in need, let your mother help with your children, help your friends move, etc etc etc. It always has been okay. It still is. Do not give into this crazy shame and fear.

It is okay to live? Isn't it?

  What is happening all over the world is weird, and messed up, and something feels underhanded and not at all like we are being thought about and cared for. It is like we are being tested to see how easily we can all be controlled
by fear
well I am not willing to be controlled by fear, I gave into it all at first
Not anymore!
I am respectful of what I am being asked to do. I am being wise and caring.

It does not mean, however, that I am okay with any of this at all.

  For those of you who are alone, who have lost your jobs, who have not left your home in weeks and weeks, who don't get to have a graduation, who have lost a loved one and can't even really grieve, who had to give up on the wedding of your dreams, and every other normal thing...and who are losing the ability to even imagine normalcy again...
I am so sorry

To the World:
You are strong, you are capable, you are smart.
You are brave

And those are my thoughts on Covid 19 in the year 2020

The Art of Celebrating Yourself

   The art of celebration is a vital one I think. I grew up not really appreciating it as much as I could have because my mom and dad were happy to celebrate us and our accomplishments during different seasons in the way that felt right to them. I didn't feel not celebrated. So I took being celebrated forgranted. I deeply appreciate that I took this forgranted because I had it in my life. It was normal and natural.

  When I started dating my husband who was from Dutch Reform culture I found out he had never felt celebrated in the way I had. I have realized over the years that in Dutch culture there is an abhorance (and that is a strong word but I think it is right) for celebrating each other and ones self. There are not many personal compliments or personal birthday wishes etc. They don't want want anyone feeling to proud, too good about themselves. Yet the culture is steeped in such deep pride. It is a bit tricky to navigate if you don't grow up in it and are a sensitive soul. All that being said, my husband has been celebrated each year in many ways since being married to me and he tries to appreciate it as much as he can. He often does not understand and finds is frustrating that I put so much effort into wanting to celebrate each person, each child, in my life because I want him to celebrate them too. He is slowly seeing the value in this but it will never feel as natural and vital to him as it does to me. So, thank you to my mom and dad! Thank you so much.

We all deserve to be celebrated!
You deserve to be celebrated.
You need to celebrate yourself.

  So this year as it is my birthday soon I was thinking how I wanted to celebrate myself this year and I decided I wanted to write out a list of things I am proud of about my own self. In my mother's family of origin a massive sense of importance was put on education. I don't have any education after high school. I don't have any degree. I am not a success then in many respects according to what was impressed upon me. This was not really done by anyone specifically! It was just the over all theme in the family. My husband comes from the opposite world of thought. Education was looked down upon and thought of as a waste of money! We are polar opposites in such extreme degrees. Through much of my life I have not felt like I was enough. I just felt like I should be doing more and that what I WAS doing I was not doing well at. All of this really were my own perceptions although maybe they came from subtle or not so subtle thoughts of others of me. Anyway this year I though why not think through my life and think about things I HAVE done that I feel were positive accomplishments. So here I go!

  One of the first things that came to my mind was when I was quite small I saved up some money by working hard (maybe I was five) to send with a lady that was going overseas to work with orphans. I wanted to help those orphans and so I worked for weeks to save the money. I remember how important it was to me and how happy I felt to have SOMETHING to send. This shows me how deeply I have cared about people since I was little.

  The next one that came to my mind was saving up for my horse. I prayed for a few years for a horse and worked hard for my dear parents who dutifully payed me no matter how poor they were. I saved up and bought a horse. Then I took care of her as well. I was about eleven when I bought her and when I think about that age and what I took on as my responsibility it was a lot for an eleven year old. She was with me till I was thirteen and she was never sick or hurt or deprived and even though I know my parents really payed for everything.. I worked for it! I am proud of myself for that accomplishment. I am thankful also for the chance to have it.

  My mind then skips through to moving from my home town to another town and then moving back a good amount of years later. I kept in touch with many of my friends through both of those moves and am still friends with some of them to this day. That is such a special accomplishment to me. Friends are jewels, treasures, and I am so thankful for them and for the ones who have been with me through it all.

  The next thing that comes to mind is high school graduation. I graduated with the highest government exam grades in my school's history. I had taken one of my courses by correspondence and was told repeatedly by our vice principle I would fail. He also made it so that I was not able to apply for any scholarships. I didn't even know about the high grades and found out years later. I worked incredibly hard for this. I had a small breakdown after graduation because I had studied for so many hours and worked so incredibly hard. In the end I only went to University for a year and did not graduate with anything. Was all that work for nothing then? No it was worth it. I proved to myself that hard work meant that I could accomplish great things. For me those grades were important and when I sit here trying to teach children that try to tell me I have no idea what I am talking about I can hold my head up knowing that I am smart and have a great mind. They just see me as an annoying mother but I know deep down what I am capable of!

  Another great accomplishment to me was the travelling I was able to do before I got married. I went overseas and the people I met and the things I saw and learned impacted me forever. I am proud of how easily I adapted to different cultures and how I felt connected to perfect strangers. It was a good indication of who I am deep down and how much I care not just for family and friends but for the entire world. I remember standing in front of a great temple and before leaving hugging a tiny elderly woman who I had never talked to in my life or ever seen before and her hugging me back and just feeling this feeling that every single soul is so beautiful and valuable and connected!

  Next on my internal list is getting through cancer. It was really hard. The circumstances were crushing, the whole process was not at all kind, and there were so many awful moments of trauma and male doctors treating me like nothing. I was so sick, so near death at times, and so overcome. Yet here I am today. I am turning thirty eight. I have five children and when I had cancer my marriage was only a year old. My husband and I were only twenty two and twenty three. Our marriage fell apart for years after that. We stayed married, we adopted a child, we bought a house, we had more children, we worked through our issues slowly, year by year...and here I am. Still surviving :)

  I think I will do the rest of my list in my journal but you get the drift of what I am doing here. I wanted to encourage you to take a bit of time to think of your own accomplishments. It is not about anyone else or what they have told you have or have not done. It is about YOU and what you are proud about accomplishing. It matters a lot. Feeling a sense of self worth, or accomplishment, of knowing you matter to your own soul is powerful.

  Have a great rest of your month of April. I assume you, like the rest of most of the world, is in some way affected by the Virus Pandemic that has changed our every day ways of living. If you are stuck at home a lot, or are feeling really mentally and emotionally burdened, it might lift your spirits a bit to realize how far you have come and how much more you have left to offer the world. Write out that list. Read it to someone :) You are amazing.

Sending you love and hope
Tansy