There is always this feeling of relief when school is done for the year and as of today school is officially done.
Cue deep breath in.... and letting it all out!
Now for some sort of break?
Our family was supposed to go on an epic RV trip across our country this Summer. We had planned so many details and were meeting friends from Germany on the way. There was much hope and anticipation as we have never traveled anywhere far as a whole family before, only camped one time, and it was just going to be a really new amazing experience. For me this was also a testament to the state of my marriage and family dynamics. This would not have been possible not that long ago. It was a very meaningful and victorious trip in the making!
As Covid 19 swept the world into chaos we felt that our trip probably was not going to happen the way we thought it might. This turned out to be the case. So we recalibrated and planned a much smaller scale trip. We were supposed to leave tomorrow. However a few weeks back my oldest daughter came down with shingles. She had been quite stressed, with a lot going on, and her body reacted in many ways and this was one of them! I had hope that my other children would not get sick but...
Yesterday my oldest son woke up covered in chicken pox. I think my baby has the chicken pox as well (it is hard to tell with the mosquito bites everywhere as well).
So here I am at home not leaving on the trip. My husband and the healthy children have gone camping but to a different destination. Everything is on hold for the moment.
Happy Summer 2020 :)
Somehow I am not surprised at all
And my son is handling everything with such dignity and grace
I shall try my hardest to do the same
xo
Friday, 26 June 2020
Thursday, 11 June 2020
A Perfect Morning
Today everything slowed down for me. In my head my thoughts are often racing. I am usually operating on low sleep and high anxiety. The combo is not optimal and it doesn't make for the best mental health capabilities. Today though everything slowed down in the best ways.
The rain was pouring and we were supposed to go to riding lessons at a stable near us. I decided to ask someone else to bring the children and for the baby and I to stay home. At the last minute I decided to go because I often stay home from everything because of one reason or another. Today I had someone who would help me with the baby and I decided to not let my exhaustion rule me yet again. So we all suited up for the rain and headed out. When we got there the rain was pouring down. As we walked into the stable I could hear the rain beating on the tin roof. In that moment everything slowed for me. My body was brought back to simpler times in my life when I was ten and lived on a farm and spent rainy afternoons in the barn. Today I had my five children around me, there were six week old Burmese puppies in one stall and horses heads looking at me from many other stalls. The children were so happy and at ease. My five year old and I mucked out a stall together with a tiny little pitchfork and miniature wheel barrow. He was so proud of himself in his red muddy buddy suit pushing his tiny wheel barrow. Then we tacked up the horse and this week was the first week I was able to ride. So up I got on the horse and we did a few maneuvers around the ring. This also brought back a different peace to my body that was mine when I was much younger (as I used to own a horse when I was eleven). Watching my nine year old trot for the first time, as I stood in the pouring rain in my sweat shirt just getting soaked, was completely perfect. Her smile never left her face as she bounced around. The babies sweet exclamations of 'puppy, puppy' did my heart so much good and my thirteen year old sitting tall and straight up on his horse as he headed off for a trail ride just made me feel like I was doing something right. We were altogether. We were all happy. Nothing marred the moments, nothing was stolen in regards to joy, no anxiety was present, no fear or pain. We were all healthy, all safe, all well. I just had this moment of stark realization how special this was. How perfect. How beautiful. How this hasn't always been this way, and how it wont always be this way, and I soaked in every second.
It was a perfect morning in my life and I want to remember it always.
I dont have a cell phone. I didn't snap a perfect photo or any photo. I was just there. All of me. In every second, soaked with the rain, holding my five year old's hand, seeing my nine year old smile, watching my fifteen year old hoist the saddle onto the horse's back, and seeing puppies snuggle up to them all. And I was glad.
The rain was pouring and we were supposed to go to riding lessons at a stable near us. I decided to ask someone else to bring the children and for the baby and I to stay home. At the last minute I decided to go because I often stay home from everything because of one reason or another. Today I had someone who would help me with the baby and I decided to not let my exhaustion rule me yet again. So we all suited up for the rain and headed out. When we got there the rain was pouring down. As we walked into the stable I could hear the rain beating on the tin roof. In that moment everything slowed for me. My body was brought back to simpler times in my life when I was ten and lived on a farm and spent rainy afternoons in the barn. Today I had my five children around me, there were six week old Burmese puppies in one stall and horses heads looking at me from many other stalls. The children were so happy and at ease. My five year old and I mucked out a stall together with a tiny little pitchfork and miniature wheel barrow. He was so proud of himself in his red muddy buddy suit pushing his tiny wheel barrow. Then we tacked up the horse and this week was the first week I was able to ride. So up I got on the horse and we did a few maneuvers around the ring. This also brought back a different peace to my body that was mine when I was much younger (as I used to own a horse when I was eleven). Watching my nine year old trot for the first time, as I stood in the pouring rain in my sweat shirt just getting soaked, was completely perfect. Her smile never left her face as she bounced around. The babies sweet exclamations of 'puppy, puppy' did my heart so much good and my thirteen year old sitting tall and straight up on his horse as he headed off for a trail ride just made me feel like I was doing something right. We were altogether. We were all happy. Nothing marred the moments, nothing was stolen in regards to joy, no anxiety was present, no fear or pain. We were all healthy, all safe, all well. I just had this moment of stark realization how special this was. How perfect. How beautiful. How this hasn't always been this way, and how it wont always be this way, and I soaked in every second.
It was a perfect morning in my life and I want to remember it always.
I dont have a cell phone. I didn't snap a perfect photo or any photo. I was just there. All of me. In every second, soaked with the rain, holding my five year old's hand, seeing my nine year old smile, watching my fifteen year old hoist the saddle onto the horse's back, and seeing puppies snuggle up to them all. And I was glad.
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