Taking Up Space Continued

 I think sometimes we have taken up more space than we realize but because it is not intentional it does not hold the value it could. When I took my daughter grad dress shopping it was the perfect time for her to be in the spotlight and hold a lot of space. In our family it has been acknowledged she has often taken up more space than anyone else but she does not necessarily see life that way. It was a beautiful picture of this concept though on this perfect day. She looked so beautiful in every single dress. There really was not one that didn't work on her. I mean everyone around her was just complimenting her on her beauty and it was a very tough decision as to what dress to choose. In the end this day will always be a glory day in her memory I believe. She was a princess in her own right. So I advise you, if you need to take up a lot of space one day, go try on some pretty dresses at a place where that sort of thing happens every day. Bring a kind friend, and just be a princess for a few hours :) Take up some space!

 

Taking Up Space

   Through a series of events I have been thinking about the concept of individuals and how they take up space in their relationships.  In taking up space I mean literally that. You physically, mentally, emotionally take up space and in doing that hold your worth and value. As a child growing up everyone establishes through interactions with others the space they were allowed to 'take up' in their family. I had a friend or two that were only children and boy did they take up all the space in the world. Everything revolved around them! Then there were the friends who were middle children and were barely payed any attention to. I was the oldest child and so in my family, I took up space but it was complicated. My mom tells me it was an out of sight out of mind situation. My siblings each found their way to be noticed and acknowledged and to take up space in their world. In my family I found that my mom tried to take up almost no space at all. She physically tried to take up no space, she spent no money on herself, her children were the priority and my dad seemed to take up a lot of space in all different ways. It was confusing and sad to see the inequality and this lack of taking up space creates a soul that is parched and that desperately needs someone to really see them and even create space for them. Sometimes people do the opposite and become very large people with very loud voices that take up a lot of space. They are trying the best they can to matter, to be seen, and it works to a degree but often at the same time it holds negative connotations.

  As time goes by and my children near young adulthood I am evaluating things here and there and lately I've been thinking ~ how have I 'taken up space' in regards to my husband and children? How have I been observed by them to have a place that holds esteem and that matters? What have I chosen to do that shows that my being in the family matters? I have not spent money on my appearance. I have not bought things that are lavish or expensive. I have not gone on holidays or times away with any regularity, I have not asserted myself as being a worthy investment and honestly, if I have tried to assert myself I have often been shut down time and time again. Sometimes 'taking up space' is actually a battle that takes years and it's one that no one should have to fight.

 So I have been thinking about all this in regards to me but also in regards to my children. I have five of them and each one has taken up their own space in their own ways and it has been a value of mine to try to help their space be very definite, very important, very visible, and yet I have not done that well for some of them! Parenting is such a journey; such a learning experience and so much of the learning and growing has to come from me first before it will be translated into them.

  All this to say, I have been taking up just a bit more space. This means I went to a jewelry store and bought myself a few vintage rings. They were not very expensive but they were something I loved, something I wanted for years and years. My children were with me, they saw me choose them and now wear them. Another thing I have done lately is run into thrift stores while they wait in the vehicle. I love going to thrift stores, it brings me joy. I have very rarely gone to thrift stores for years. Now I try to pop into one if I am going into town. I am just doing little things like this for myself and if I see a treasure I buy it. Taking up space can mean different things for different people. 

  Some people have not taken up much space in their friendships. Their friendships tend to revolve around one person and their preferences and choices and the other one is malleable and useable but not maybe seen and valued as they should be. Some people have not taken up much space in their families or their place of work or anywhere. They have decided being a bit of a shadow is safer. They have their reasons. 

 I have no deep thoughts to end with here ~ I just wanted to say thankyou to two of my sisters. One day my one sister sent me a video of what she chose to wear that day. She lives far away but she took up some space by sending me a video. So I asked my other sister to do the same and we have been sending little videos of what we are choosing to wear that day. It is the smallest thing, but it is taking up space. It is also encouraging me to think about what I am wearing and to choose something fun or pretty or lovely and in that way ~ to take up some space by standing out a little. After we send the videos we compliment or encourage each other. It is a little way to take up space in someone's day.

 I hope you have people in your life that you can take up space with, and that there are people in your life that see you, love you, and hold you dear.

Love Tansy

Here is my two year old ~ just casually taking up some space in her world ~ asking me for her own special photo and posing :)

Autumn 2021 Photos

  This was a last minute decision because it was not raining. We started with one outfit and tried to get everyone else to sort of match that one and then ran outside. We took these photos very quickly. I got maybe two that were okay but there were lots of funny ones :) 

  And that concludes my attempt at family photos with children ages almost seventeen to age two. At one point I yelled at a child...'dont be an ass' SO all smiling photos were sort of miraculous.

xo

Tansy

Scattered Brain

  I walked down the road today in the dim trying to catch those last rays of sun on my face before it slipped behind the mountain. It seems these days my mind is in more of a flurry than ever. Is this because everyone is getting older? There are so many things just always in my mind:

Dont forget the testing to go to on Monday.

We missed our last soccer on Friday, that sucks so much, but that's life. It's okay.

What would the perfect gift be for her?

What would be fun games for an eleven year old's birthday party? Please brain think! You've already thrown two eleven year old birthday parties surely it's not this hard!

I need to ask him again to please put a shelter over the chicken food.

Oh dear, the cats! The cats need food too.

What to make for dinner and what to feed them all tomorrow?

Is she having fun and is she feeling okay while she is gone?

Oh God please can you help her through this?

Okay, my body is aching,

It is so cold today ~ do I have gloves for everyone? I know I need new boots for her, does her coat fit? He needs new pants and socks. 

I HAVE to schedule those dentist appointments

Oh yes, his Halloween costume. Why do I always put these things off!

I wish I could bake a pie.

He needs his nails trimmed I can't forget!

I wish I could sleep, just for a few hours

The sun is fire right now and that dusting of pink is so glorious. 

Okay I have to get back and get that cake made

This was a small portion of it all. It is 10:26pm and my children are not asleep. One day they will all be grown but I wish there were bigger windows right now where I could enjoy it all in a different light. 

Just being honest

xo

Autumn 2021 Awe and Wonder

 October has this bright and glorious feel to it amongst the endless rain and windy days. This is primarily because of the leaves. So here are some pictures of some leaves that made my heart happy.

It is sort of like a fairy tale is it not? The smoke lazily curling up from the chimney, the wrap around porch, the leaves in their glory? It was special to be there and be in it all.

Me

                                            A beautiful birthday moment by the ocean
 

Baby number five arrives safely in my arms

 Spring Tulip fields, my first time seeing them in all their glory and my soul is on fire with the beauty of it all.

                                           Out for dinner at a most special place to me.

                My stint as a ballerina. It didn't last long but it was glorious and horrid all at once :)

                         Long long hair and my babe with hair the closest color to my own.

                                                          

                                                               A vintage dress that I adored

                                           By the Ocean is where I feel the most like myself

                                  A sad moment in my life that has had impacted me forever.

                  Surrounded by what I treasure...antiques...reminders of a different era

At the fall fair with my sister. Happy happy happy

A rainbow baby coming ~ my body at full capacity and so exhausted ~ and grateful

                                                    

                                                 She safely arrives ~ telling the children

                                                     All of my heart earthside

Beautiful moments captured by my husband

                                                 Up in the mountains nursing my baby

                                        At one of my favourite places not too long ago ~ 

There have been so many seasons ~ and these are pretty recent ones. I look back and see who I was, what I was going through, and think, this is life. 

This is all of us. All these seasons, all these stages, and we give so much of our selves, we have so much we can learn, we can bloom. Often there are things tying us down, holding us back, clipping our wings, or trying to stifle us and yet are we not all not survivors? Fighters? Are we all not made to see, feel, and express from our depths? So when I look back and see all of these photos and all these moments...I am so thankful. 

It might be good once in a while to do that ~ just take an honest look back ~ and see how you are changing, aging, blooming, fading 

and know that you are why this world is here.