Scattered Brain

  I walked down the road today in the dim trying to catch those last rays of sun on my face before it slipped behind the mountain. It seems these days my mind is in more of a flurry than ever. Is this because everyone is getting older? There are so many things just always in my mind:

Dont forget the testing to go to on Monday.

We missed our last soccer on Friday, that sucks so much, but that's life. It's okay.

What would the perfect gift be for her?

What would be fun games for an eleven year old's birthday party? Please brain think! You've already thrown two eleven year old birthday parties surely it's not this hard!

I need to ask him again to please put a shelter over the chicken food.

Oh dear, the cats! The cats need food too.

What to make for dinner and what to feed them all tomorrow?

Is she having fun and is she feeling okay while she is gone?

Oh God please can you help her through this?

Okay, my body is aching,

It is so cold today ~ do I have gloves for everyone? I know I need new boots for her, does her coat fit? He needs new pants and socks. 

I HAVE to schedule those dentist appointments

Oh yes, his Halloween costume. Why do I always put these things off!

I wish I could bake a pie.

He needs his nails trimmed I can't forget!

I wish I could sleep, just for a few hours

The sun is fire right now and that dusting of pink is so glorious. 

Okay I have to get back and get that cake made

This was a small portion of it all. It is 10:26pm and my children are not asleep. One day they will all be grown but I wish there were bigger windows right now where I could enjoy it all in a different light. 

Just being honest

xo

Autumn 2021 Awe and Wonder

 October has this bright and glorious feel to it amongst the endless rain and windy days. This is primarily because of the leaves. So here are some pictures of some leaves that made my heart happy.

It is sort of like a fairy tale is it not? The smoke lazily curling up from the chimney, the wrap around porch, the leaves in their glory? It was special to be there and be in it all.

Me

                                            A beautiful birthday moment by the ocean
 

Baby number five arrives safely in my arms

 Spring Tulip fields, my first time seeing them in all their glory and my soul is on fire with the beauty of it all.

                                           Out for dinner at a most special place to me.

                My stint as a ballerina. It didn't last long but it was glorious and horrid all at once :)

                         Long long hair and my babe with hair the closest color to my own.

                                                          

                                                               A vintage dress that I adored

                                           By the Ocean is where I feel the most like myself

                                  A sad moment in my life that has had impacted me forever.

                  Surrounded by what I treasure...antiques...reminders of a different era

At the fall fair with my sister. Happy happy happy

A rainbow baby coming ~ my body at full capacity and so exhausted ~ and grateful

                                                    

                                                 She safely arrives ~ telling the children

                                                     All of my heart earthside

Beautiful moments captured by my husband

                                                 Up in the mountains nursing my baby

                                        At one of my favourite places not too long ago ~ 

There have been so many seasons ~ and these are pretty recent ones. I look back and see who I was, what I was going through, and think, this is life. 

This is all of us. All these seasons, all these stages, and we give so much of our selves, we have so much we can learn, we can bloom. Often there are things tying us down, holding us back, clipping our wings, or trying to stifle us and yet are we not all not survivors? Fighters? Are we all not made to see, feel, and express from our depths? So when I look back and see all of these photos and all these moments...I am so thankful. 

It might be good once in a while to do that ~ just take an honest look back ~ and see how you are changing, aging, blooming, fading 

and know that you are why this world is here. 

Autumn Days

 Autumn Time

This year I was not in the mood for Autumn. I guess I mean I felt a bit overwhelmed at the thought of all the rainy days. We are blessed with a house I love but for all of us it sometimes feels a bit crowded on rainy days and a lot of fighting occurs. On a good day in life there are still pressures. Right now life's pressures are hysterical. So fighting and rain and grey skies and being indoors makes for crazy days. I wasn't in the mood ya know? But here is the thing. Something in me just can't help but respond to the call of Autumn. The beauty outside right now is full on. Trees that are sporting coats in three hues, whole hillsides in scarlet and fields in that fresh green that comes after the heat of Summer. Silvery leaves in skittery piles all over the ground or that golden yellow that draws your eye up. Begrudgingly I am loving Autumn. The geese valiantly winging their way through stormy skies towards warmer climates, and sweet Chickadees hopping through bright leaves finding grubs and seeds. The rainy nights are soothing and I've been making soup when I have the energy. Homeschool is in full swing and birthdays are busily being planned. I am thinking ahead to Christmas because that is who I am. I don't want to get caught off guard and with all the unknowns swirling around out there. I want to be as prepared as I can. This Autumn I will not be going to craft fairs again. Our country has implemented something I do not and never can agree with in order to force people to do something they may not feel safe or good doing. These actions have made it so there will be things that I may wish to do but refuse to do in order to protest these mandates by my government. I have been thinking about craft fairs in the past and how my heart welled up with joy amongst the creativity and outpouring of talent and beauty.

 Oh, may your Autumn be filled with something other than stress and rain. May there be crisp sun drenched days filled with laughter where you know that you know no matter what happens love will lead you through. And may that be so. May love lead you through. 

Love Tansy