Through a series of events I have been thinking about the concept of individuals and how they take up space in their relationships. In taking up space I mean literally that. You physically, mentally, emotionally take up space and in doing that hold your worth and value. As a child growing up everyone establishes through interactions with others the space they were allowed to 'take up' in their family. I had a friend or two that were only children and boy did they take up all the space in the world. Everything revolved around them! Then there were the friends who were middle children and were barely payed any attention to. I was the oldest child and so in my family, I took up space but it was complicated. My mom tells me it was an out of sight out of mind situation. My siblings each found their way to be noticed and acknowledged and to take up space in their world. In my family I found that my mom tried to take up almost no space at all. She physically tried to take up no space, she spent no money on herself, her children were the priority and my dad seemed to take up a lot of space in all different ways. It was confusing and sad to see the inequality and this lack of taking up space creates a soul that is parched and that desperately needs someone to really see them and even create space for them. Sometimes people do the opposite and become very large people with very loud voices that take up a lot of space. They are trying the best they can to matter, to be seen, and it works to a degree but often at the same time it holds negative connotations.
As time goes by and my children near young adulthood I am evaluating things here and there and lately I've been thinking ~ how have I 'taken up space' in regards to my husband and children? How have I been observed by them to have a place that holds esteem and that matters? What have I chosen to do that shows that my being in the family matters? I have not spent money on my appearance. I have not bought things that are lavish or expensive. I have not gone on holidays or times away with any regularity, I have not asserted myself as being a worthy investment and honestly, if I have tried to assert myself I have often been shut down time and time again. Sometimes 'taking up space' is actually a battle that takes years and it's one that no one should have to fight.
So I have been thinking about all this in regards to me but also in regards to my children. I have five of them and each one has taken up their own space in their own ways and it has been a value of mine to try to help their space be very definite, very important, very visible, and yet I have not done that well for some of them! Parenting is such a journey; such a learning experience and so much of the learning and growing has to come from me first before it will be translated into them.
All this to say, I have been taking up just a bit more space. This means I went to a jewelry store and bought myself a few vintage rings. They were not very expensive but they were something I loved, something I wanted for years and years. My children were with me, they saw me choose them and now wear them. Another thing I have done lately is run into thrift stores while they wait in the vehicle. I love going to thrift stores, it brings me joy. I have very rarely gone to thrift stores for years. Now I try to pop into one if I am going into town. I am just doing little things like this for myself and if I see a treasure I buy it. Taking up space can mean different things for different people.
Some people have not taken up much space in their friendships. Their friendships tend to revolve around one person and their preferences and choices and the other one is malleable and useable but not maybe seen and valued as they should be. Some people have not taken up much space in their families or their place of work or anywhere. They have decided being a bit of a shadow is safer. They have their reasons.
I have no deep thoughts to end with here ~ I just wanted to say thankyou to two of my sisters. One day my one sister sent me a video of what she chose to wear that day. She lives far away but she took up some space by sending me a video. So I asked my other sister to do the same and we have been sending little videos of what we are choosing to wear that day. It is the smallest thing, but it is taking up space. It is also encouraging me to think about what I am wearing and to choose something fun or pretty or lovely and in that way ~ to take up some space by standing out a little. After we send the videos we compliment or encourage each other. It is a little way to take up space in someone's day.
I hope you have people in your life that you can take up space with, and that there are people in your life that see you, love you, and hold you dear.
Love Tansy
Here is my two year old ~ just casually taking up some space in her world ~ asking me for her own special photo and posing :)
