Life around here, in this house, is a bit of a disaster and often I feel like all I hear is, 'can I have'... or 'can I watch'....and I am fighting having a nervous breakdown as I do dishes and laundry and vacuum up dog hair. So when I step away from that for a bit and try to access some peace these are the things I see.
A cozy place to have a nap
My oldest daughter is moving out of our home tomorrow. She was born with a tenacity an energy and spirit that can move mountains. She has always been one that wants to explore, experience, taste and see. She has always been up for adventure and has loved to learn new hobbies. She and I have much in common but at the same time, we are also opposites.
Sweetheart ~ I wanted to say.....
You were born when I was twenty-two years old. You moved in when I was twenty-four. You had the most sweetest most compassionate heart I had ever encountered in a baby. You were so full of fun, and so precious. You had gone through so much already in your young life and you were this ultimate best ever gift I had never imagined I would be given. You brought so many smiles to people's faces. You loved to greet everyone you knew when you were tiny and to this day in so many ways you meet and chat to everyone you see. There can't be any strangers when you are around. You see others and you engage them.
Thankyou for all the memories. You kept me on my toes and constantly problem solving. Thank you for being such a sweet caring sister. Thank you for always wanting to wear matching clothes with me. Thankyou for all the meals you made, for the creative gifts you gave me, and for the parties you threw me, and the cakes you made. Thank you for seeing me and thinking about me when others were too busy. Thank you for all the moments you loved on your siblings and made their days so fun. Thankyou for helping me and being my right hand woman. I am so honoured to call you my daughter.
I know you are so excited about this day. Your heart beats for freedom. I hope as you go out there the world is kind. I hope you can feel your value and worth. I hope you will choose people to surround yourself with that mirror your value to you. I hope you will choose to seek safety in true love and can pursue true attachment with people. I hope you won't let anxiety and rejection be your guide. I hope you will sit with uncomfortable feelings and examine them. I hope you will allow yourself to process hard moments and days. I hope you will recognize your window of tolerance, be okay with saying no, and will gift yourself with nurture and awareness.
I have failed in many areas I know. I have not been all you needed me to be. I often felt very overwhelmed in my mothering journey. I hope you know though that my love for you is so so fierce. I just care so deeply about every part of you. You will always have a safe welcome home with us and I hope you will want to come and visit many times over the years.
We will miss you so much. I will miss you every day. I will pray for you every day.
Thank you for all these years. They flew by. My mind has been filled with so many memories and moments. I can hear your baby voice in the carseat behind me talking away. We used to sing songs together when we drove around. I can hear your voice as you got older singing the Sound of Music songs. I can hear your laugh. You have the most beautiful eyes and I am so glad I got to be the one to look into them so many times. Every night that I tucked you in, every time I did your hair, every time we had words over an outfit, every time you played guitar or piano or clarinet, your dancing, all those moments, all those days, all those years, they meant everything to me. They were gems and some of the most amazing moments in my life.
And here we are ~ you are moving out, spreading your wings, leaving the nest.
I love you so much,
so so SO much
Love Mom
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My youngest is three right now and since she is the baby of the family she seems so little but at the same time I have to acknowledge she is growing up. I am still nursing her and I know in this society and this day and age some might be horrified at this and judge me. She still needs it emotionally, still loves it, and I am happy to connect with her that way. She has never been one to take a soother, blanket, or bottle so I am that right now for her. She won't always need this of course but this makes her still feel more babyish as well.
However, why am I writing about her? So lately she has been getting very opinionated and vocal about many things. It is hard not to laugh about her loud and passionate opinions that are often not totally logical.
My example from today: We were headed out the door to get groceries and she needed to be properly dressed. Right now she prefers different stages of not being dressed and it is a battle to keep her somewhat decent if we have company over. So I had asked her brother to get her dressed knowing that probably would not happen but thought I would try as I needed to get ready myself. He eventually came to tell me she INSISTED on wearing a pair of nylons and a t-shirt and nothing else. It is a very hot day here and nylons with nothing underneath were out of the question for multiple reasons. Cue my long sigh in preparation for the battle I knew would ensue. I try to use my patient explaining voice all my kids hate to communicate that nylons on this hot day are not appropriate and she also needs a diaper or something of that nature and then a skirt or shorts! I was told VERY clearly that she was NEVER wearing shorts EVER again and this style of attire was FINE (her tone of voice is hysterical as it mimics my patient voice with a sigh at the end to communicate my total lunacy at what I am insisting on). I was not about to try to wrestle her into other clothing but we really needed to get out the door. In the end, her sister convinced her to wear something much more seasonally appropriate and we headed out the door to the store. When we got there she needed to get her shoes on which was fine but then she decided she just HAD to have her umbrella with her in the store. This battle was not one I felt the need to fight. So in the store I went with four children, her in the cart, with her umbrella raised. I was actually meeting my husband there and he had another cart. So there we were two carts, four children and the umbrella. I almost lost an eye a few times and eventually begged her to put it down as I could not push the cart and shield my eyes and other customers at the same time. She eventually complied. This is one small example of my days with her right now. I try to say yes and not make a huge deal of many things because I've done this stage with two other girls and have not done it very well at times. It is cute and precious and hysterical and exhausting.
God bless the mothers with the two year old, the three year olds and the four year olds. You may realize when they are seventeen that you are still having discussions about the same things with the same outcomes and that's life :)
Tansy
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