Rejoice

   Have you taken the time lately to indulge in memories that bring joy? If you have not ~ oh I encourage you to do so. The other day I took time to read letters to my children that I had written them when they were babies and toddlers. Those years are full of the cutest memories as they grow and learn to talk and express themselves. It was a reminder of their preciousness, and it left us all quoting their little sayings and reminiscing about when this one cut her curls off; or this one told me they hoped this wouldn't hurt my feelings, but they would like to be adopted! It was such an amazing way to spend a morning. 

  For some it may be remembering a certain loved individual in your life and remembering happy times with them. 

  I loved my grandma and I have these specific happy memories with her that I love to take time to savour. For many of us we have countless memories like this but how often do we take time to actually enjoy them and hold them before us? They are priceless gifts AND they are our story! They are precious pieces of ourselves that are not lost. 

And so, I encourage you to take some time ~ choose a person or a place or an animal ~ and remember ~ savour these gifts of memory and rejoice

Rejoice :)

xo

  

I Should

 I've lived in the land of should for so long now. I can't remember when it started but I think maybe it got strong when I had my first biological child and had a newly adopted toddler. My newborn babe had many health issues that had no names. He was suffering and I didn't know how to breastfeed well or any other new mother skills because it was my first time. I clearly remember trying to nurse and looking around thinking 'I should dust this and sweep this and clean that' and I felt undone. I felt frantic.

  Tonight I feel the exact same way. I am surrounded by laundry and I do laundry for six people every day. I am deeply blessed with both a washer AND a dryer so all I really have to do is fold and put away but it catches up to me if I don't do it every day and sometimes...well...it's silly....but it's just another thing to do.

Lately life has held a different kind of darkness. One I have not had to face for quite some time. It's not a darkness I don't recognize but it has a kind of evil that is the deepest chasm to look into and the fight to stay out of it holds a magnitude that not all would understand.

I hear my thoughts saying frantically ~ I should, I should, I should

As my raw milk goes bad in the fridge

As the cobwebs build up in the corners

As the yard looks more and more unkept

As dust dust dust is thick and relentless

As the fridge needs washing out

As the laundry mountain towers

As children are not being taught all they should

As children ask and ask for connection and I am letting them down

'I should I should I should'

 And how do you gently tell yourself that maybe today and tomorrow and the next day you can't do all of it but you can do some, and that it is okay. I've learned that a clean house fills me with peace but it is not all about me.

 And so tonight I choose to let the little girls have a bath while I write and I sit amongst the laundry pile. I'll get to it, tonight even, and quiet the 'I shoulds' for a bit. 

 

There are many dark dark DARK nights in this life of mine and there are dark days too. Oh but even amongst that, there is light, and how deeply you appreciate the light when you are in amidst the darkness. How eagerly your eyes seek the hills and their Autumn glory, how thankfully your soul absorbs the colours of the sunset. It is all magnified to me when suffering tries to shroud my soul.

October is almost past and November will be upon us. November is craft fair month remember? There is much to find delight in.

xo.                                   

October's Gifts

  October is an absolutely stunning month where I live. The leaves turn the most vivid hues of scarlett and tangerine and gold and the greens are dusky and deep. The skies can be the most vibrant blues and the sun warm but the wind cold, or the skies are scudding clouds and rain pours down. It's a volatile month of wonder and wondering if coats are needed and feeling house bound and listening to the wind. 

  We just celebrated a birthday here yesterday. My daughter turns fifteen this week and her party was yesterday. It was a wet day and we were inside. We had ten extra people upstairs in the house and it was such a happy time. We tie dyed shirts and ate together. Celebrating with others is such a beautiful opportunity and it is also potentially a lot of work and kindness and effort sewn together. For this birthday I made two cakes. They both were chocolate but one was gluten free and one was not. My oldest daughter helped me make a chocolate mousse for the filling and I made a chocolate icing for the top. It was simple and flavourful and delicious but it also felt like a lot of work which must be why I felt like I needed to mention it. The choice to tie dye was reminiscent of my daughter when she was younger. Her style was all her own and often she wore tie dye. Now she prefers loose t shirts, jeans, runners and keeps things a bit more blah as maybe the world and its opinions has taken its toll as it so often does. 

  Remembering back to my labor with her (she was my second biological child) is very happy for me. I was actually in labor all the day before she was born but told myself repeatedly that it was just Braxton hicks. She was almost two weeks early. It was a very long day as I had a three hour doctors appointment with my oldest son and had to run up and down the room with him. The doctor questioned me if I was maybe in labor and I said no! I woke up sometime in the night realizing the contractions were still happening and realized I must be in labor. I eventually ended up going to the hospital and she was born in the afternoon. My birth experience with her was so vastly different than my first birth experience. It was not without trauma but honestly the amount of support and kindness I had during the birth mitigated the trauma so much that I never think of that when I think about birthing her. I remember the woman gathered around me that comforted me and held me and stayed with me through emergency surgery and other moments of panic. I had maybe never felt so loved in that way before. It changed me.

 So as October 2025 fills your soul or excavates it. As the days march along and the weather here is moody and beauty and we start to cozy in, I hope that you have experiences like that that you can reflect on and in a sense, relive.

 There are precious precious gifts in memories that we may not take time to treasure. I can remember how my daughter cuddled up on my chest after she was born and how filled with wonder I was. I can remember the drive to the hospital with the midwife and how kind and amazed she was at my peace during the contractions. I remember the vibrance of the grass and leaves as I walked and walked around the little pond at the hospital to keep contractions going, and I remember the absolute shock at my bodies reaction when my water was broken and my little girls started to shoot out of my body without my needing to push at all! I may not always have this gift of remembering as I age. I pray that I do. I want to appreciate it in all its fullness. Oh the blessings I have received for the last fifteen Octobers in having this child in my life. 

Thankyou