Travel ~ Mexico

  When I was in my early twenties I went to Mexico. I was working with a man my age who had been in a tragic car accident when he was sixteen. He had sustained serious brain damage but he was a walking miracle. He was going to college to become an ordained minister. My job was to attend classes with him and help him maintain organization and read all his textbooks to him. During this time he took a year off to do a program that involved a missions trip to Mexico. I had never been there before but his parents asked if I would go for one week of the trip. His dad would go for the other week. He sometimes had seizures and he also had no bone in some parts of his skull and sometimes he would forget that he needed to be careful. My job was so try to make sure he didn't get too overtired and that he was reminded to take care of his body. It was not an easy thing. He so badly wanted to feel normal and just be himself. 

 This trip was for the purpose of building homes for people that did not currently have one. The home was built in two weeks by a team or teams of people that came from different parts of the world. It was a program put on by Youth With a Mission. The teams could bring down furnishings for the home if they so chose as well as choose the lay out of the home. We stayed on the YWAM base in rooms with multiple bunk beds. Girls were in one room boys in another. Our job was to support teams that were coming down to serve. I did not realize it would be cold there and did not pack proper clothing. I was also not able to go and help with the house building all that much as there was not enough room for me in the vehicles. I stayed at the base cooking and cleaning. It was a challenging trip in many ways. However there were a few things that struck me. We did get to go out one night to a restaurant and the food was so delicious and full of flavour. I loved Mexican food. Secondly there were tolls everywhere the roads. I had not encountered that before. Also there were random horses on the side of the highways and that seemed so dangerous. The water was beautiful as well but it was not like Belize and the beaches where we were were not clean. We did not swim much. 

 Shopping was a phenomenal experience because I had never even considered bartering in my life, but bartering in Mexico was alive and well. I bought a few treasures to bring home and throughly enjoyed arguing with the shop keepers to get a price that was a bit more fair. 

 I remember clearly when the house the team was helping build was finished. It consisted of a small front room that had a tiny propane stove. There was room for a small table and there was a door and a window. Then there was an opening to go into the back room where the whole family slept. This house was 'furnished' by the team so there was a table and two chairs, and a bunk bed. There was bedding and plates, cups, etc. It was the most simple small house I had seen. There was no running water or plumbing but when the family was brought in they were moved to tears. Their thankfulness was a good eye opener to me. This was their first home and it was a treasure. It was for a family of five I believe. 

 Another clear memory was visiting a home for elderly people. According to what I was told many elderly people were not cared for by their families in their old age. There were many who ended up on the streets. This is just what I was told. Our team was taken up a big hill where at the top of a very steep driveway was a building that held a room for woman, a room for men, and a kitchen/dining area. There were a few bathrooms and a courtyard. We were tasked with hair cutting and shaving and bathing people. Never in my life had I done that before. I tear up as I write. These sweet souls so rarely had kind touch. When we cut their hair in terrible hair cuts (because of dull scissors and zero experience) they beamed with thankfulness. We cut toenails and shaved beards in the sunshine. Many of the elderly women held dolls as we tried to trim their hair with dull scissors. All they had was a bed in a room filled with other woman in their beds. They were sweet and kind and deeply precious. We helped feed them lunch, and afterwards we did a little performance for them and then brought out a piñata. I don't know whose idea that was but it was genius. This brought SO MUCH joy to these sweet people who had really nothing to do. To see frail little ladies attempting to smash a piñata and just beaming for joy was the best thing really. We went back to the base determined to buy this place razors that actually were sharp and scissors that worked! We so wanted to help. 

 Like I had said, our job there was to be support to the base and help them with teams that were coming to build houses. Some of our team members drove big fifteen passenger vans through the streets of Mexico, with paper maps (no GPS ) to big hotels to pick up teams of wealthy people coming to serve. There were MANY close calls and the vans did sustain some damage. When I think back to what was required and how people just stepped up to do things they had NEVER done and in many ways were so dangerous....it is astonishing. It is also incredible and heart warming to think back. 

 I remember going to a prison there and my friend preaching to a room full of men who were going through so much. She preached a powerful message that impacted me deeply and them as well.

 The trip was very hard for me in multiple ways. I wasn't really part of the team, I was an outsider but all the people on the team were people I knew. The man that I was there to support didn't want me there. My travel to Mexico was SO stressful. I took a plane from my country to California  and a taxi and a train to the borders of California and Mexico and then met people who picked me up and drove me over the border into Mexico. I had never been on a train, and no idea how to catch a train. I had no cell phone. I had to find a specific taxi at the airport and that almost didn't happen, and make the right train at the right time.  When I got on the train I truly did not know if I was on the right one. There were so many close calls and just sheer panic on my part. My first train ride made me feel motion sick. I remember seeing the beautiful beaches off in the distance and a lady behind me was talking loudly on her cell phone most of the trip. By the time I arrived in Mexico at my destination I felt like I had aged many years :) 

 I came home changed. I had met beautiful people, I had gone through hard experiences, and I was challenged in so many ways. I was married at the time so I was also away from my husband for the first time and that was hard too. I had been treated really unkindly at times and felt vulnerable and alone and had to serve and serve in ways that I did not want to. Yet it was so good for me to experience all of these things and have the opportunity to gain depth of character. 

Mexico is a beautiful place and I am thankful I said yes to going. 

Belonging

 Sometimes I long to feel like I belong so deeply.  There is such a deep ache I can scarcely manage the pain. Where have I felt I belonged? I have had times of belonging and they have been sustaining now for a long time. When I was younger I lived on a hobby farm and owned chickens, a goat, bunnies and a pony. We had other animals as well that were not my own. I felt like I belonged there. Our house was right by a creek that made soothing lovely sounds. Our neighbours owned Appaloosa horses and were so kind to me. My other neighbours were good friends and all the neighbours all around were other friends and we all knew each other and played every day. The street was beautiful, full of forest and field and we were safe. Each day I spent hours outside. We had a heritage barn with huge beams stacked with hay bales that I spent hours in. I climbed trees and built forts and skated on the creek and rode my pony and homeschooled and lived the best life I could. My parents were struggling extremely during this time and so life was not perfect, there were many hard things, but I belonged there. I was so close to the Ocean and my friends were so sweet and my pony gave me purpose. We had community and freedom. 

We moved when I was thirteen back to my home town, I went to my old school and it took a few years but then I belonged there as well for a time. After graduation life unravelled little bit by little bit. Because of my time at the farm I knew what community felt like, also because of my grade eleven and twelve years of high school I also know what community felt like. It was a beautiful thing that I missed for years in my adult years.

Community is not perfect, far from it, but there are so many cultures where community is a way of life. It has its challenges but it also makes so much sense if the community is healthy and supportive. All through my adult years I have hoped that somehow community would come. However, I have not done anything to foster community for a long time. As much as I long for it I don't have capacity to foster it. I hope that maybe in the future I will feel community with my grown children although I don't want to put that pressure on them. I just wanted to acknowledge this feeling that never goes away.

xo

Simply a Mother

 What is there to chat about when you have six children plus a son in law and a grandson and they all live in your house? I can chat about them! 

I'll start with my son in law. He likes to change up his hair style often. I love it because it reminds me of my husband in our early years together. He had so many different looks. My son in law loves his friends and his family. He loves to get outside and be steeped in adventure. He is a gift to our family in that he doesn't act like he is better than us. He accepts us for who we are. He is kind and funny and authentic. We are thankful for him.

Then there is my grandson. He is so full of joy and wonder and sweetness. I am so thankful for him. His smile makes his nose crinkle, his eyes light up, and he waves hello and just shines. He is a precious miracle in our family and has brought us all together again. 

My oldest daughter ~ my greatest gift from another. She loves to be out and about. She has always been so social, so sweet, so caring, so fun and loving of adventure. I appreciate her fearlessness and confidence in trying new things that she is interested in. I love going for walks with her with all her younger siblings and feeling so deeply thankful that we can do this! 

My oldest son is the sweetest human and so funny. He is gentle, kind and loyal. Life has been challenging for him. He has had to overcome a lot of challenges and he has been such a fighter. His imagination and capacity to care have been inspiring to me. 

My bright eyed daughter who has always been precious. I think of her as snuggly and bright eyed, strong and determined. She often led the way for my older son in terms of things like riding a bike or learning new things. She was brave and he was not. She was determined and he was worried. She shone with joy and sweetness and so did he. They made a good pair. Now she milks three hundred cows at a time, is fierce on the basketball court, has the cutest giggle, and loves her friends and siblings. She is everyone's favourite sibling. 

My youngest son is the son I think of as 'my most Irish child'. During the years of reading many novels I have come to think of Irish men as strong, determined, fiery survivors. They are fierce warriors, loyal, determined, hot tempered people. My son is full of fire. He is also gentle and sweet and thoughtful. He is determined and his brain is brilliant. He adds so much to our family.

My promised daughter ~ my six year old. She came to me after two losses and in utero she could sense my thoughts and respond to me. She is so sensitive and so sweet. She is also creative and caring and would love to be a friend. She is a precious sister and a beautiful part of our family.

My baby girl ~ she is two and really starting to express her thoughts and feelings. She is sassy and busy and sweet and caring. She loves you and she tells you. She is so funny. She is also so coordinated and active. 

I cannot even fathom that these treasures are my own sometimes. I started out my married journey wide eyed and incredibly hopeful. After one year of marriage I got cancer in my uterus and was told I may never have children. Here I am twenty one years later. These children are my legacy, my loves, my heart. I have given all of myself for them. I have agonized in their agony, and I have waged war for them on every level. I have sacrificed so much for their care and keeping. And so, there is not much I can talk about now other than them. I am simple,  but this is what I am. I am a mother. 

xo

The Coming of the Violets

   The Violets are blooming in a tiny front plot in front of my house. They were planted by my daughter one year without my knowing and every time they bloom they fill me with hope and joy. Hope because Spring is coming, and joy because someone did something so thoughtful for me and something so lasting. They are a dark rich purple and so delicate. Violets ~ the heralds of Spring.

  My six year old has also been bringing me Snowdrops the last few weeks and I put them on my kitchen windowsill. I spend a lot of time at the sink washing dishes and those Snowdrops bring me a lot of joy. Once when I was walking with my young children down our road an elderly lady was in front of her very old home in town. I asked her if I could pick some of her Snowdrops as they were a variety I had not seen. She was so kind and said yes and we engaged in conversation. She had been living on that street for years in a big old heritage house. Her husband had died and it was just her now. Those houses were so cold in the winter as I lived in one myself. Her yard was large and unkept but her Snowdrops bloomed every year. I kept my eye on that house and over time I realized she must have passed away or had to move. The house got torn down and the Snowdrops lost, but I will always remember them. That is something I always wonder about other people. Do they remembered old long gone gardens? I do and I miss them and cherish their memory. Someone's creativity and artistic soul sewed the seeds, tended the bulbs and brought light and scent and beauty to their neighbourhood. How noble  and how kind.

  It looks like the perfect Spring day today. The sky is a light pale blue, the farther taller mountains are capped with snow and the closer mountains are looking a dark hazy blue. The air is crisp as is the air. My husband and two younger children are playing croquet in the front freshly cut yard. It looks so beautiful. You wouldn't  know that for the last three months we have not had more than a handful of days of being healthy. In fact the last three weeks some of my children have been so sick that I have not been able to sleep more than just a few hours a night. Thankfully the four sickest children are doing better and one is totally well. The last two that were desperately sick are on their way to health again. I am so deeply hopeful that Spring will bring health to our home. It has been incredibly hard to a be a nurse 24/7 plus a mother and house keeper and cook and chauffeur and more without any days off or even hours off duty. I have struggled to keep on. 

 I am grateful this winter is almost over as it has been particularly dark and ominous for me. I just have trudged through it one day at a time praying for light and strength. This coming year will be one of hard work, of choosing over and over to do the next right thing, of making sure my mind and soul are filled with sustenance and all the goodness I can muster in. It makes the coming of the Violets especially sweet.