That Very Last November Day

  Twenty five moons ago on a very cold dark night my mom was in labor at home. My three younger siblings were asleep and I thought I was being very helpful giving my mom advice about what she should do during said labor. My mom had given birth four times successfully. I was ten years of age. She was sure she was going through false labor and she was not happy about it. My incredibly 'helpful' advice was making her angry. My mom never got upset at me ~ very rarely anyway. So when she snapped at me and told me to go to bed I was QUITE offended. Since I thought my mom WAS in labor you'd think I would never be able to fall asleep for excitement...however since I was ten that was not the case at all and off to sleep I went immediately leaving my mom to her fate. See, my dad was out and out till late and this was not the days of cell phones or texting. We lived on a farm on a road with no streetlights and it was a cold dark night as I'd said before. She was home alone with four kids in bed and another one about to be born!

  As the evening wore on my mom decided to try the bath tub trick. If you are in false labor and you have a bath or shower you usually stop contracting. When she tried this and contractions were as strong as ever she realized that she was indeed in real labor. She tracked down my dad who came home in a frantic rush and minutes later my mom gave birth to my sister (her last baby at age forty) standing in our farm kitchen.

  My dad never being the most calm person I am sure was a bit fit to be tied. He called an ambulance and our neighbor and she ran through the dark to our house. The ambulance screamed past with sirens blaring and my dad had to run out and try to flag them down. Our sweet neighbor came upstairs and woke me. I stumbled downstairs bleary and full of self righteousness. I HAD been RIGHT! I got down just in time to see my mom on a stretcher with a tiny black headed baby snuggled in beside her. The ambulance attendance were glowing and happy and were trying to get everyone ready for the cold transfer. My dad was excited, my mom pale but calm as always, and my new baby sister was taking it all in.

  After they went to the hospital I went back up to bed as there seemed to be nothing else to do. I tried to wake up my next sister to tell her but she had no interest in waking up for any news in the world and after probably two minutes of lying in bed wondering what this new addition in my life would mean...I fell blissfully back to sleep. The story made it in the news paper and after the news died down we all settled into life with a sweet new baby during a cold winter.

Fast forward twenty five years and it is my sister's birthday today.

  She has lived with me for a lot of her life now and is an integral part of my immediate family. My children feel like she is a mix of aunty and older sister and love her dearly.

  When you are privileged to get to know the real her you see her joy and enthusiasm for life and new experiences; you see her excitement about the things she loves, and you see how full of expression and life she is. It makes sense that she entered the world the way she did. It was a dramatic happening at the time. The ambulance attendance had never been to a birth before and they had both been in their fields of work for years.

She is a gem.

I am glad she came and I am thankful she is all that she is.

Happy Birthday sis

Love Tansy

Christmas Shopping

  I have started Christmas shopping!! I feel like this is a major accomplishment in my life. Why? well finding the brain space after helping your twelve year old in Science ~ talking about photosynthesis and parts of cells, and vaccines, and then helping with Math in another grade and making lasagna seems impressive to me in my little world...

  Have you bought any gifts yet that you are particularly pleased with? I have delved into shopping online which is nerve wracking for me but at the same time exhilarating because I don't have to leave my home. Tonight I purchased some books online, a pair of roller skates, some clothes for an upcoming wedding, some stories on CD and there was even more but I can't remember. All that shopping in about an hour.

 I wrote out my long list of gifts to purchase this morning.

 My sister lives with me and I just shake my head trying to remember back to when I had to purchase gifts for about five people like she does...my list now is so long I don't even want to guess at how many people there is to shop for, but lets just say December is a pretty intense month for us financially. We plan for it and I feel like we don't go overboard...well maybe just a little...

 I hope this year your Christmas shopping is sweet and simple. I hope your gifts feel meaningful to you and not just stuff you HAVE to give.

  I love giving gifts ~ really really love it ~ so although I don't love the shopping part I love planning what to get thinking about the person and what might really make them feel loved and understood.

Have a great rest of your week.

  Tomorrow is Black Friday in the United States by the way and my part of the country seems to have caught some of the bug. All my online shopping was quite discounted. So if you need to shop online tonight or tomorrow might be a good day (price wise)

Love Tansy

Some Truth and Freedom

   Today I was reflecting on a time in my life where a life line was held out to me during a particularly desperate time. This life line was in the form of a tender hearted woman who was older than me. I had told her my troubles. It was the first time I had ever met her. She listened to all the parts of me as I spilled out, all my heart ache. After I was finished and spent she looked at me and said simple but powerful words ~ Tansy ~ the truth will set you free; now lets find truth. It might not have been exactly those words but 'the truth will set you free' and finding my truth was the gist of it.

  From that moment on I was walking on a totally different life road then ever before. One time she gave me this word picture about someone walking down the same road over and over and each time they would fall into the same pot hole in the middle of it. No matter how many times they walked down the road they would fall again and again. They ignored signs and cautions and mostly it was because they were in such a low place they never looked up. She told me that one day they looked up just before they were going to fall in again and still fell in but that there was a bit of awareness. The next time they managed to get around it and eventually they just didn't go down that road ever again. I don't know if you know where I am going with this because I am scattered I know. what I am saying is that I feel like once we get to a certain place of self awareness our brain is so much more capable of choosing to not just not fall into that pot hole but to completely steer clear of that road! It takes WORK and sometimes its your life work.

  This is me. I am trying to, as much as possible, take a different road then in the past. To forge ahead and create new roads, new pathways that are healthier, safer, clearer, and with that I create roads that my children, if they so choose, can follow.

  I wanted to share some truths that I came to realize ~ with this lady gently guiding me ~ and with time others as well, all with God nudging truth softly into my heart and spirit day after day never giving up.

Here they are:

We are not alone

As a mother I often feel alone in my house with my children and it just feels unnatural to me! I feel like my sister should be with me, or my mom, or my husband, or a friend. Call me crazy but I feel lonely often. So I have realized that with Jesus I am never alone and that because I do have love in the form of God and friends and family I am never truly alone no matter how I feel!!! The truth is truth.

We need boundaries to live well.

You might not have heard of this before. There are some good books on boundaries by Doctor Henry Cloud and Doctor John Townsend. My mom introduced me to these books and after reading them and getting some counselling around it. I realize the power of being able to say no. I realized the fear around it and the pain as well (in saying no to people)....and realized it was okay. When you don't have boundaries people can use you, walk all over you, and it causes a lot of anxiety. My boundaries have gotten a lot stronger and more defined as time has gone on. At times it hasn't been pretty. However it makes living easier on everyone in your life if they know where they stand with you.

Understanding Our Past can help us go forward to a healthier future.

There is power in self awareness. How can that come if we don't have any understanding of what and where we have come? Do you know how your mother's pregnancy went with you? Did you go through trauma as a child? Were your parents marriage healthy? There are so many things that make you YOU and when you peel back the layers and realize WHY you struggle with what you do and what you struggle WITH, well it gives you a pretty fair chance to make different choices full of health rather than going around in all the patterns you may have been stuck in for a very long time.

We were created to live in a garden and nature nurtures and heals us.

Since I believe in creation and believe that there was a first man and woman created...they were created to enjoy a garden. Even if you do not believe in creation I think it is pretty obvious to anyone with any self awareness to realize the power and healing of being out in nature. If you have never really thought about it before...one day when things are really going wrong...take a water bottle, snack, first aid kit if that feels right, blanket and whatever else you feel you  need and go sit by a lake, or ocean or walk down a forest path. While you are there listen, smell, and feel how your body does. Nature somehow resets us and helps us to feel more centered. It is important to me to remember this.

We were created to live in families and to have connection and attachment. We were NOT created to be alone and isolated.

This is a huge truth for me. It has been such a light bulb for me in regards to improved mental health and my soul feeling full of light. Attachment brings joy! If you struggle with darkness you may also be struggling with healthy attachment and trust.

We have unique gifts and talents not to be pushed aside or de valued.

Every single person in this world is unique and every one has gifts all their own. When they are supported in those gifts and seen for all that they really ~ they blossom like a beautiful flower.

Nothing we have ever done is unforgiveable. God doesn't really seem to have a grading system for sin. It is all ~ just simply~ sin. Ask for forgiveness and he just says yes. You are forgiven. No condemnation, no questions, just a yes and then ~ It is forgotten!!!

There are consequences in life for each action.

That is pretty simple but sometimes we seem to think there shouldn't be consequences and everything is God's fault.

We are ALWAYS loved perfectly by God. He knows our hearts.


So these are some things that help me remember who I am and why I am. I think truth in love is the most powerful force and does bring freedom.

Love Tansy

Post Craft Fair Reflections

  It is Monday today. How was your weekend? I wrote last that I was going to attend the big craft fair in town this past weekend and I did. The children and I headed out around 1:00 in the afternoon on Friday. None of us had really eaten lunch. I am not sure why I didn't take my own advice and plan for success I just had no food in my house and my kids had sort of snacked throughout the day and I just wanted to get there before it got so crazy we couldn't maneuver the aisles with my massive stroller.

  When we arrived to a very full parking lot we parked way in the back but another car pulled in right tight beside us so we spilled out of the van in a hurry trying to get out of the way of the four elderly ladies who were not willing to wait for us to get out. We got ourselves situated with the three year old in the stroller and everyone around it and in we went. When we first walked in there were long tables set up with these works of art that were inspired by holiday feelings. They were so beautiful. All sorts of flower arrangements really that were so incredibly put together it was amazing. We walked into the craft fair and that was when I realized this was a little more than I had bargained for. It literally seemed to go on forever. There were so many vendors there this year and many I had never seen before. If I wanted to buy Spirits, wine, tea, floral art, signs, hand carved spoons, hand sewn coats and dresses, pj's or nightgowns, hand spun sweaters or vests, tuques, felted hats, fudge, candy, cookies, maple syrup, honey, pottery, candles, little animals made out of buttons, rocks, wooden toys, music, books, bath salts, chocolates, anything knitted, (I think you get the picture) it was all there.

   My three year old seemed to develop a fever the second we walked in and started to cry. We started walking the aisles I was hoping each child would spot their treasure rather quickly. I bought some  PJ's for my little one and for a couple other little ones that I have bought from this vendor in the past. They last forever. I bought a massive bag of popcorn for six dollars for my three year old to try to keep him happy as he just wanted to be carried and he is not light! I kept careful track of my free spirited seven year old and made sure we were all keeping it relatively together. I did not know this at the time but I wouldn't back coming back again later as I planned. There were some very special things that happened while we were there and I was feeling quite frazzled. While my ten year old son was carefully picking the perfect rocks he wanted to purchase a sweet elderly lady started to talk to him. I realized she was the same lady I had bought baskets from at the last craft fair I had been to. I just had to talk to her. I told her how much I adored her tiny baskets and asked her her name. She told me she was Ruth and showed me a basket she was carrying in her hand that she had brought to give to someone at the craft fair as a gift. She was looking for them among the vendors. She told me parts of it were made from corn husk. She had cut corn husks into strips and braided it and then woven it into the basket. It was so beautiful and I felt privileged just to see it.

   Just as she went on her way another lady (the lady who previously owned the house I live in now) walked up and I was so happy to see her as well. There are not many elderly ladies in my life now. My Grandma and Granny have passed away and I miss them so much. The lady that used to own this house is so so sweet and we do not see her often. I gave her a hug and chatted as much as a feverish baby and busy seven year old would allow and then she went on her way. I felt like somehow my Grandmothers had given me some sort of gift. I can't explain it fully but it was like they knew in that moment what I needed and sent Ruth and Thelma to me.

   Before we left my ten year old got the rocks and also a little turtle made out of buttons. My twelve year old got three totally different types of fudge. My three year old got a wooden train that all comes apart and you can put back together, and my seven year old got a wooden top (the little toy that spins). I finally sent my twelve year old back to the van to get water for everyone. When she got there she realized we had never closed the doors (and nothing was taken)...and then when we were in the craft fair after sitting down to have a break we walked away and just left our bag of popcorn lying on the ground (which no one touched). We found it later. We were laughing so hard at how totally absent minded we were. As we were walking out of the craft fair we saw an elderly gentleman walk into the ladies bathroom thanking a lady who opened the door as he was walking in...so kindly...and then we heard him exclaim and quickly exit and we didn't feel quite so bad about how absent minded we were. We left the craft fair laughing to the point of tears (some of that being a release of tension I am sure ~ and it felt perfect). We had lasted in the craft fair for two hours!! We got ourselves home and got lunch and the baby perked up.

  However by the time my husband got home I was so tired I didn't go back to the craft fair that evening. I kept trying to get up the strength to go alone but usually I have someone to go with and this time I didn't and so the motivation just wasn't quite the same after a pretty long day. Then the weekend was just to busy there wasn't a proper chance to get there and so this was the first year I didn't go by myself child free. However, even though I was there with my four children and everything I saw felt like just quick glimpses, my soul felt full. There was so much beauty and creativity. Also the fact that I got to chat with those two sweet ladies really made it feel like the most authentic craft fair experience since these fairs remind me so much of my grandmothers. One of the ladies who talked to me share both my grandmother's names!

  All in all this tradition I have established with my children was success. I am thankful that we were able to go. It was a bit hectic but it was lovely.

  I hope you had a happy weekend. I started my Christmas shopping, at Walmart, with the four children and my husband (who had a panic attack) and that is a story all on its own...but we are thinking that we just might purchase one of the glitter sprayed trees that they have in their front entrance. They are alive, and quite small, and the cat couldn't climb it quite as successfully as she might think. However we have our one other set tradition of going to this one Christmas Tree farm every year...so we shall see who wins out...Walmart or Stewarts Christmas Tree farm!

  I wish you the best week to possibly be had at the end of November. It is POURING rain here and our roof is leaking in the bathroom...really the best place to leak since there is a lino floor and the leak is slow...but still! I'll write again soon ~
Love Tansy

Craft Fair November

  Today is a pretty exciting day for my children and I. It is the day that I take them all to the biggest craft fair in our town. We had someone over this morning who said she really does not go to craft fairs and it helped me remember that many people have not been raised to appreciate and attend craft fairs. Thank you to my mom and my grandma and my granny who raised me to understand the beauty and importance of these events. I am so glad my children are following faithfully in these footsteps. They are so excited.
 
   There will be exquisite pottery, hand sewn doll clothes and Barbie doll clothes, there will be hand made soaps, fudge, candy, Christmas cake, there will be local honey and candles made with the bees wax, there will be felted treasures and Christmas tree ornaments and hand knit hats and head bands, hand sewn clothing, and painted rocks and wood art, carved treasures, and hand painted signs and I could go on and on and on.... It is truly wonderful.

   If you have the option to go and enjoy all that a craft fair is know that there is the potential for your heart to feel filled so full. Go when you are not hungry, dress for the weather, stay hydrated, bring a cloth bag and some cash, don't bring children unless they will behave, and know there are usually crowds...all of this will set you up for a great experience :)

  Have a lovely rest of your November. It is flying by. The sun is shining today, peeking in and out of dark stormy clouds, and the wind is blowing. The baby and I keep rushing outside to sit in the sun for the moments it comes out.

Love Tansy

Little Changes

    Do you love going to the hair dresser? I do! In the past I really didn't. I have thick, half curly half straight hair and I ended up with a lot of bad hair cuts through my younger years. I also didn't know how to style my hair ~ a blow dryer caused a disaster of dramatic proportions and there was no such thing as a hair straightener. My curling iron took way to long to do anything of value and as a result all through highschool I wore my hair in a style that apparently looked like I used an egg beater to achieve the look. I was and still am a very low maintenance lady. I have one daughter who seems to be following in my footsteps and one who is quite opposite and reminds me more of one of my sisters.

   The right hair dresser though can change your life. When I got cancer in my early twenties I was blessed to have a hair dresser who ministered to my soul in such kind and tender ways. She had lost her husband to cancer at a young age and she was so compassionate to me. I got many amazing hair cuts from her. She was one of the first people to ever give me a 'good' hair cut. There was also the hair cut I got on Robson Street that cost a fortune but it was the first time I ever saw my hair straightened and what a game changer THAT was!!!

   I am writing about this because just recently my seven year old got her first hair dresser hair cut. She was SO excited and it reminded me of how I felt when I was little going for hair cuts. She really REALLY wanted to look like a boy when all was said and done and I had forewarned the hair dresser about it and told her to come up with a cut that still let her look girly and cute BUT to achieve the feeling she wanted; and she totally pulled it off. My twelve year old also got her hair cut and she also was so excited about the experience. I thought I'd post their before and after photos because they are cute.

  I hope you have a good hair dresser who, when you go to her, makes you feel like you matter and that when you leave your shoulders are a bit straighter and your eyes just that much brighter. You deserve it!

Glittery Trees at Walmart

    I went to Walmart the other day with my dear friend. When we walked in I was greeted by the trees they spray silver sparkles on and I just felt like Christmas has truly arrived you know? When Walmart has their sparkly trees and their trays and boxes of chocolates right by the front door...you know Halloween is really over and it is time to start at least thinking about what the heck to get in the way of gifts for everyone, and if you are really going to write eighty Christmas cards, print eighty family pictures, buy eighty stamps, lick eighty envelopes and send all eighty of those cards/newletter/pictures out into the big wide world! Will you? Wont you? It is up to you and you alone and if you really don't want to ~ then don't. We will all be fine. We know you love us and we love you!! (This is just a little reminder to myself)

  As I strolled around Walmart I managed to get 720 pictures developed...yes 720! and procure some footless sleepers (PJ's) for my three youngest which they will love. I warned them all that this year I was going to get them about four things each and the gifts would all be pretty practical. In the past I have gone overboard at Christmas mainly because through the year I didn't have the money to buy them things like new socks and shoes and Christmas felt like the right time to do all that. There were so many gifts to open! However three of my children have birthdays right around Christmas and this year I have been able to keep a bit more abreast of their clothing needs so this year they are getting some PJ's maybe a DVD each or some stories on CD and one thing from their Christmas list and that is it. They will be thrilled though an I am thankful about that.

  This year also I am not totally sure what to do about a Christmas tree. We have a six month old kitten who has two dreams in life, well three. One is to get outside, another is to capture a bird (and I assume eat it) and her last but very dear wish is to climb a tree. I have a feeling if we get a Christmas tree no matter what size she will be spending quite a bit of time IN the tree. In the past when we had a baby that would be trying the same thing we gated the tree in and kept the baby safe. I am fully aware that no gate is going to keep out this kitten. I am sure we will manage with much hilarity and tree needles on the carpet. I think we will keep decorating to a minimum.

  For the past quite a few years I have hosted a family Christmas dinner at my house (which usually means about twenty people) and this year I am not doing that. I have multiple reasons but this year I just feel like I would like to keep things a bit more simple. I am hoping this wont be a let down for my children but that we can make the day even more special as I wont be trying to last minute clean and prepare and cook before everyone arrives.

Has the year flown by for you?

  Do you feel like a lot of it has been not enjoyed as fully as you would have liked it to be? Well, you still have time right? There is still half of November and all of December!!!!! I hope you are looking forward to creating some lovely memories for this last little bit of 2017. I know that I am. Why, just tonight I bundled all four children up and we went for a walk in the pouring rain in the darkest of dark. We had some flashlights, two umbrellas and a lot of reflective gear. My very active seven year old was leaping in puddles, running through the fields, trying to catch flashlight beams and so enjoying every second of this incredibly wet walk. My twelve year old chatted happily and my three year old awkwardly held the end of my umbrella as he felt the need to hold an umbrella too. My seven year old had one of my gloves my three year old the other. My ten year old was looking for owls in the trees. My husband who claims to melt in rain actually came on the walk and survived. It was just one of those little moments that don't happen often but that are just purely good. Now everyone is snuggled down in various beds hopefully asleep and my husband is helping my sister look for a new car. The kitten is sitting beside me quietly and another day has come to a close.

Have a lovely day tomorrow ~
Love Tansy
 

A Blustery Birthday

  For the last three years my sister has planned a birthday party for herself. You can see last year's birthday here Birthday 2016. It has been completely glorious celebrations every time.  This year we went to the same places we went last year because they were so incredibly perfect. We took pictures...of course! If you go between links to see the two birthdays you can see my sister has two totally different looks. I so appreciate her boldness and creativity. I have remained the same hair color all my days and like I'd ever do a 'bold lip'!!!

                           Happy November birthday sis ~ You are a gem xo


                            Crooked wonky angles are how I roll apparently and I like it.