Still Water

  Still waters run deep. I just read this sentence and I have read it in the past and love it.

  A couple weeks ago my husband decided to go running with me at 6:15 in the morning.My other running buddy was not able to come and I was not about to go alone as I didn't feel safe. I asked him to come fully expecting a no ~ and he said yes. That morning it was dark out (as usual) and raining hard (as usual). We started at a crisp walk and I babbled on and on about not much really. He was quiet, getting quite damp in the rain as he had not dressed in multiple layers the way I did. He could not wear runners because he has a damaged foot and so was wearing hiking boots. I usually start to run when I reach a portion of my route that has gravel rather than pavement and so after a time I started running. He ran with me. Before we started running, and were walking in the dark in the pouring rain past a mighty river and a still slough, up atop a dyke surrounded by fields and his parent's large yellow house...we held hands for a moment. That so rarely happens anymore. Holding hands seems to me like a quiet sacred joining of souls somehow. So often all around is loud or there is an unspoken tension. But that day he was my still waters. Other days I am his. Somedays we are raging angry crashing waves. There is no part of perfection in it all except for the fact that as time goes on and I feel all is grey and he feels all is rose colored glasses ~ we continue on together. I was so thankful for that moment in time, that rainy morning where he gave to me of his time, and his hand. We had only exercised together maybe twice before in almost fifteen years. Real and sacred quality time with him is a rare thing. It was full of blessing.

Yesterday was Valentines day. I tried to have zero expectations and solely focus on what I was choosing to do for my family ~ not what others might remember to do for me. I did just small small things but hoped hearts would feel remembered and warmed. However there was a moment when I was writing a card made by a certain artist. Something about this artist has caught my heart and I am thankful whenever I get a chance to purchase a pack of her cards. As I was writing a wistful thought whispered through my mind ~ I wished someone would think to give me a card by this artist. It was totally impossible really. I did not voice it. I did not think on it again. I just wished it so briefly. I continued on with my day. When my husband came home later that evening I was chatting on the couch to a friend. He gave me a bouquet of flowers which honestly did not wow me all that much. They were fine but not truly beautiful to me. He also handed me an envelope. I casually opened it still really in conversation with my friend. When I looked at the card I could hardly believe my eyes. The card was made by the artist. My wish had come true. My husband literally had no idea it was by her ~ the card had just reminded him of me. I NEEDED to feel known by him this Valentines day. I needed to feel remembered by God I realize now as well. I still am in shock. The artist is a local mom and I have only been ever able to find her cards at craft fairs. For him to stop at a flower shop he has never gone to before and to find this one card by her....was beyond special. He is my still waters that run deep.

When you feel so done with your marriage; when you have finally realized that you can never change him to be who you hoped he would be; when you feel like you can't take another second of it all ~ Ask God for help. He really does care. Present all the good your partner is to their personal creator (God), to the one who knows their hearts and souls so much better than you ever could. Ask for a miracle, for a favor, for blessing, for help. It Shall Come ~ I have seen this with my own eyes ~ but often you need to remember to truly ask and not lose hope.

Happy Valentines ~ One day late
Love Tansy