Marriage On My Mind

  My husband has been away for a little over a week on a small vacation with our oldest daughter. Since he has been gone it has given me some time to step out if you will of the usual every day cycles of life and do some thinking and evaluating. I do this a lot, evaluating, as it is just the type of person I am. However the house has felt different, the atmosphere different, and it has caused me to ask questions of myself.

  My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. It is hard for me to even comprehend this number really. Time has blurred somewhat as it tends to do in the every day continuum. When we first got married I had these expectations of what marriage was 'supposed' to be like. I don't know where those expectations came from really, but they were there. I held them close, and hoped for them become reality. In some instances they were. In others they really were not. Sometimes expectations are killers and we don't even know we have them.

   In the past, but more recently with a lot of consistency, I have attempted to really stamp into my brain is that my husband and I are very different people from very different back grounds. It has been tempting to look at myself as a better individual because of my strengths and the things I value. I have given into that temptation many times which has resulted in nothing positive. In being so different, when push comes to shove, often we still have the same goals and want the same things for each other. However, because of the differences in personality and in who we are, and lack of ability to communicate clearly to each other, there are so many times of hurt and heartache. When children come along and the time of laying down our selves becomes a desperate need...things can go south quite quickly. This is the time where slowing down, evaluating, seeking support and guidance becomes key. You both are valuable, amazing, lovely people...or have the potential to be. Hold that close.

  If you are married and feeling like not all is well, that you are weary, or constantly trying to change your situation, and are feeling regret....just know that every single marriage in the world takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of looking inwards at your heart and motivations, it takes a lot of team effort and sacrifice. A marriage is two very different individuals trying to live life along side each other well. It is two individuals choosing to love through hard times, through times of exhaustion and sickness, through times of stress and grief. It is two individual who are willing to see the other person, really see them, for who they are, all the beauty and good that is in them and then even when it hurts calling that forth in them.

  So as my husband arrives home soon I hope I can do a better job at this. I hope I can slow down situations, evaluate with maturity and clarity, and go forward with a lighter spirit and a calmer soul. We shall see how this goes going into the busyness of Christmas and all ~ we shall see how this goes.

~Just being honest~
Love Tansy