Monday, 25 January 2021

Field

 When I was eight or just turning it my family moved to an island and settled on a thirteen acre hobby farm. We had moved from town on a very busy road to a quiet country road. The quietness almost settled upon you in a way that unless you've had it settle on you you'll never quite understand. Our previous house has been close to train tracks and there were scant minutes of quiet. We had neighbors so close we could wave at them through the windows and open the windows and chat. On the farm there was no one close enough to see through the windows. Out my windows there were apple trees blooming in Spring and my mother's vegetable garden and our fields with the horses. Where I live now there is a field across the road and I can't see in anyone elses windows. I feel so thankful. So thankful for this home and the field. I keep dreaming though of that time. I would go back through the fields, over the creek and into the back field where there was nothing but fields and trees. I would sit in the tall grass in silence. Except there was not silence there was the buzz of bees in the purple clover and there were birds singing and you'd hear horses snorting and sometimes a deer would wander by and I'd just sit.

My life now does not hold much silence. With five children in a space where we are all close all the time I find I am wishing to go sit in my own field surrounded by Buttercups and Clover and just feel that quiet settledness that comes. 

xo

Friday, 8 January 2021

A Good January

 January 2021

How have you been good so far to me? Oh January.

You have offered up many days of rain so that each sunny moment feels like some great blessing bestowed upon me. 

Your coming has reminded me to think about who I am, where I have been, and where I am going. 

January ~ I had a son in January and it was fourteen years ago now. It was a birth that changed the rest of my life ~ as all births do ~ and it forever changed January for me.

I have a little one year old who runs and sings and hums and giggles this January. She turns two oh so soon and this stage, this time will be over. This January is especially precious because of her.

This January 2021 like never before, any kind normal interaction with a fellow human is counted like  jewel, a pearl, a precious moment. Everything has changed but last January it was all still the same and I didn't know what was coming. I took it forgranted that seeing another persons whole face would be taken away. That going to church was something I might actually miss. That friendships were going to be shaken and last January I had no clue. 

January 2021 ~ The mountains shrouded with mist, white capped and regal are something I look at every day with thanksgiving. I have always been thankful but this time with so many other normal every day things stripped away, they are good for my soul in deeper ways.

January 2021 you are good

Thank you



Thrive

 In my home Covid 19 has brought about much introspection and change.

I hope you are finding your new long term normal where you feel you can thrive even in the midst of so much confusion and shifting rules. Every single person having their own safe way they feel they are operating and that not being the same as the next. 

I have been thinking on that word lately. Thrive. What does it even mean? I feel like in my family of origin thriving was not something you did. You survived. That is what you did. You survived as best you could day in and day out. You found simple pleasures if they were to be found but over all you were doing your best to keep on going to get to that next day.

I am plain sick of this. Sick of surviving. I want to thrive. Maybe you do to?

What does thriving even mean? Well I think just like every single person has decided how they individually must survive this Covid 19 time in history, it is the same for every person in their thriving state. It is totally unique to that soul.

I just wanted to put that out there. That I desperately want to thrive. That from the time I was my youngest self I have looked around longingly at those who seemed to thrive, that seemed to have some sort of connectedness to safety and joy that I did not have. I have wished to feel it. I have sought it. 

I still am seeking. And that matters. It is important. It is not a needy ridiculous longing that I will never achieve. It is something that holds much value to me. 
I am strong in this resolve and I will be victorious.

:)



Tree Stumps

 There are sadder things than a grove of trees that have been cut down

Desecrated really

But somehow the look of it

The death of it

Speaks of the saddest moments to me

Today when I saw one

It was in town

And I had enjoyed it so much

Over time in the Springs and Autumns

And it was gone

Just like that

And it reminded me of so many moments

Where I have seen the remains of a tree

And I have remembered so many other sad things

There have been so many trees that have mattered to me

That I have not forgotten

And when they have been taken

I have not forgotten

And I wanted to write that down