Graduation For My Oldest Child

  My oldest daughter graduated this year. She chose to homeschool from grade eight to grade twelve. I did NOT see that coming. In the last few years, she had a tutor and I was not as involved as when she was younger, but my heart was still involved! It took a lot of mental emotional work to get her to her graduation day but we made it and she is ready to face the world.

                                        She is a details girl and so all these details mattered.

                                                     Her sweet friend congratulating her.

A special ceremony the teachers did for the students encouraging them to 

'go light their world'

                                                                       Her cap on :)

                                                           Receiving her diploma

So many of these photos are not well done but there was a professional there taking photos so I hope they turn out well.

                                                                     The oldest brother

                                                                            Her and I

                                                          Nana Papa and the graduate

                                              Grandma and Grandpa and the guest of honor

Her sweet tutor who was also a mentor and the kindest human (and her husband who is also the kindest)

                                 A teacher from when she was younger and the sweetest lady.

This little guy who had a very hard time in the crowded building. It took a lot to get the two youngest through the evening. 

                                                                 A precious teacher

                                                         Another lovely teacher

                                                                        Beautiful girls

                                                                      A proud father

                     She was very mischievious through the evening but we got through it :)

                                                                 The sweet little sister

She brought mini bouquets for her teachers and grandmothers so she was preparing them beforehand.

                                                    All the beauty shots...she is pure beauty.

I am So so SO happy for her. And so proud.

 

Summer Is A Comin.....

  This was a very long grey Spring and it was pretty rough mentally to manage. Now the sun has come and it is hot almost instantly with very high temperatures on the way! My three year old was in a winter coat, winter boots, sunglasses and a long sleeved dress this morning. I tried to explain the concept of winter versus summer styling and she seemed slightly receptive. She is a very sweet child but she is also very strong in her opinions. Today she told me 'if a daughter says no then a daughter says NO' and that meant she was NOT going to do what I had asked her to do! So that's a fun stage. This seems to come with a lot of assertive screaming as well. She is now in a sun dress however and seems fine with it. She is at the stage where bathing suits are called babing suits and we just love her so much.

  Summer though! The river very close to us is going to spill its banks it seems. The garden my husband and children planted will be under water as a result. That will be an interesting learning experience. 

  I have been trying to catch up on my housecleaning, now that I am not homeschooling most of the day, and really getting nowhere. I used to have a house cleaner months ago and she was the absolute best and such a gem. She dusted and cleaned all the places I would never get to. Now it is up to me but it seems that having a large family that is not very mindful means my house is always in chaos no matter how much nagging is invested into them. However, I am going to keep plugging away at the endless organizing. It blows my mind how many possessions we all have. I go between wanting a bigger home (just slightly bigger) so there is more room to spread out, and then also wanting less space so we have less things. It feels like the closets are overflowing but if I am trying to tackle them someone is managing to make a huge mess somewhere else. Two steps forward five back....

  I don't really have anything exciting or engaging to write about but there seemed to be a moment so I thought I'd write something.

  Here is what I hope for you!

I hope you feel that your home is a haven. I hope you feel that in the next little bit of time you can create something to look forward to. I hope you feel connected, seen, and heard. You are doing a great job.

Xo

Tansy

Blessing For Falling Into a New Layer of Grief

 My counselor sent this poem to me. It is from the book 'Cure for Sorrow'

You thought

You had hit

Every layer possible,

that you had found the far limit

of your sorrow,

your grief.

Now the world falls

from beneath your feet

all over again,

as if the wound 

were opening

 for the first time,

only now with

 an ache you recognize

as ancient.

Here is the time

for kindness -

your own, to yourself 

as you fall

and fall

as you land hard in this layer

that lies deeper than you ever imagined

you could go.

Think of it as 

a secret room

this space

that has opened 

before you

that has opened

inside you

though it may look

sharp in every corner

and sinister

no matter where 

you turn.

Think of it as

a hidden chamber

in your heart

where you can stay

as long as you need,

where you will 

find provision

you  never wanted

but on which

your life will now depend.

I want to tell you 

there is treasure

even here

that the sharp lines

that so match your scars

will lead

to solace,

that this space that feels so foreigns

will become for you

a shelter.

So let yourself fall. 

It will not be 

the last time,

but do not let this be

cause for fear.

These are the rooms

around which your

new home will grow

the home of your heart,

the home of your life

that welcomes you

with such completeness.

opening and

opening and

opening itself to you,

no part of you turned away.

For Kirsten

 I valiantly put on my armour

Every.single.time

I picked up my sword

And fought for you

I was fierce and grieved

I was overcome

Scrambling to pour protection over you

Like a healing salve

And my love couldn't heal you.

Oh the shattering

That has come

I am undone

And yet

Unwavering in my love

No storm, no dark night,

No depth of pain

Keeps me from you

Never could I have imagined

A journey such as ours

And I've received

Every gift you've ever given me

Arms wide open

And every wound too

And turned it into love

My precious sweet darling

May it come to you

Maybe unaware

And bring light to your soul

My love

That knows you like no other

May one day you find and see

All that my love has been and always will be

A Sacred Nest ( For Christy)

 I wove a sacred nest

As beautiful as sunset and gossamer and smiles

The time spent as my babies grew

Meant more to me

Then I could capture and express

And as parts of my heart

These children of mine

Have grown

And flown

Building their own nests,

As I taught them just how to do so well

I feel torn

In some way

What is there left to do?

Why have a nest if it's not full?

And so here I am

Sunset, gossamer, smiles and memories

My heart held before me

I can see its beauty

My nest in readiness

My eyes filled with tears

For what will come?

My arms were always open

I don't want them to close

And so

Send me, send them in

Let my eyes see, who needs to be seen

Let my ears hear, who you want me to hear

Let my heart respond to their cries

Let my nest, my heart, be filled again

In however you see fit

As beautiful as sunset, gossamer and smiles

Here I am

For The Girl From Australia

 I can't find a place

To come home to in myself

Maybe one day

A while back I'm guessing

I was so overcome

That I flew away

But my body stayed

In a sort of whirling

Devastation

And I'm given platitudes or frustration or kindness

Vague or pointed

And I want to come back

I think

When you hold my hand sweet darling

When you're twirling with glee

I want to feel it within my being

And laughter

It's held down

My essence, my breath, seems stuck

And yet swirling out of control panic

And I wanted to say

Keep calling me okay?

Keep beckoning like sunbeams do

Let rainbows light up the sky

Love will lead me home to you

My lovely body, my gentle soul

Oh you have been weeping and wailing,

In silence

So bent in protection

Hovering over yourself

You've been grey shadows 

And cracked wide open

Light is beckoning

Hope is renewing

My fingers can almost touch it

I will come back to you

Frail or strong

I will come home to myself.

Oh Spring

 Oh Spring,

You are welcomed with sparkling eyes
And sweet songs
The Swallows dance with exuberance
Weeping Willows are again garbed in raiments of delicate elegance
Fuzzy goslings are fiercely protected by their sharp throated parents
Wobbly fresh babies totter towards welcoming  udders
And we lift our hands towards the heavens
And then bury them in dirt
To plant seeds of life
That feed ever hungry souls
And nourish the temples
That your coming has brought fresh life to
We soak in the green
We revel in the expanse of blue
We are warmed by the light of life
Spring is dancing and birthing and singing
Spring is preparing and life giving and renewing
Spring brings hope and they join as one