Mother
I saw you dancing
Down the hallway of our house
The hallway was dingy
And you shone with a light
I had not seen in you before.
I was thankful for that.
I have seen you filled with scripture
Overflowing with it
And I have seen you in beautiful homemade dresses
Your long hair cascading ~ a rich chestnut
Beautiful
I watched you knead bread
Work the earth in the garden
I watched you grow babies
You sang as you nursed
You read us stories and gifted us riches
From those pages
You marvelled at the first Robin you spied in Spring
You loved flowers in each season
You wrote and drew and played guitar and sang
You cherished your friends
You wanted us to play music and dance and live
We learned to swim and to play sports
We sang in choirs and danced in recitals
You gave all you had to give and more
And yet
There was so much pain
And so much more pain
And it was a yawning chasm
In the end
That has overshadowed all
We feel the jagged edges of the lack
And we don't know how to navigate
You withered away
Always were withering
As you tried to gift us all you could
And we took what we could
And now, now, you are a shadow
That is almost gone
Your soul is barely a flicker
And I remember your light
I remember your joy
As you described the Lake District or the red sands of PEI
And your wonder at a Robins egg
And it's blue
Life is this tangled tapestry of deep grief
Of gut wrenching sorrow
Of the deepest longing for connection and safety
Of the grasping hands of need
Of joy joy joy
Generations came before you
And you made your choices
Mother of mine
Mother
