Mother

Mother

I saw you dancing

Down the hallway of our house

The hallway was dingy 

And you shone with a light

I had not seen in you before.

I was thankful for that.

I have seen you filled with scripture

Overflowing with it

And I have seen you in beautiful homemade dresses

Your long hair cascading ~ a rich chestnut

Beautiful

I watched you knead bread

Work the earth in the garden

I watched you grow babies

You sang as you nursed 

You read us stories and gifted us riches

From those pages

You marvelled at the first Robin you spied in Spring

You loved flowers in each season

You wrote and drew and played guitar and sang

You cherished your friends

You wanted us to play music and dance and live

We learned to swim and to play sports

We sang in choirs and danced in recitals

You gave all you had to give and more

And yet

There was so much pain

And so much more pain

And it was a yawning chasm 

In the end 

That has overshadowed all

We feel the jagged edges of the lack 

And we don't know how to navigate 

You withered away

Always were withering

As you tried to gift us all you could

And we took what we could

And now, now, you are a shadow

That is almost gone

Your soul is barely a flicker

And I remember your light

I remember your joy

As you described the Lake District or the red sands of PEI

And your wonder at a Robins egg

And it's blue

Life is this tangled tapestry of deep grief

Of gut wrenching sorrow

Of the deepest longing for connection and safety

Of the grasping hands of need

Of joy joy joy

Generations came before you

And you made your choices

Mother of mine

Mother