Facebook Withdrawl

  Today is another cloudy sultry day here where I live. Birds are singing and quite happily I might add. Once again I am so thankful that even though I live in town I see trees and mountain tops wherever I cast my eyes. I am sifting through thoughts. I am at a bit of a different place right now. I have been getting better sleep for a while and that hasn't happened for quite some time. The baby is going on two soon though and he is naturally starting to sleep longer hours and more deeply through the night. It is giving me more capacity in some areas and I am wanting to try to make some changes. Yesterday I decided to cut down on my facebook time by almost one hundred percent. It was a long time coming. It felt like I was letting go of this sort of life line ~ a connection to a bigger different world then my own. I felt grief and anxiousness and a sense of panic. I will miss so many important happenings! I wont know this and that or how this person or that person is doing!! (Those were thoughts going through my head)

  Here is the thing though. Why is it so bad to be disconnected? Why do I feel it so vital to be connected? Why can't I look around and find satisfaction in the choices I have made in my actual life? Why can't I be satisfied with the relationships I have in real life? Why do I feel this desperation to stare at a screen hoping to feel important, connected or appreciated?

   I am realizing the depth of my need, where it stems from, looking for ways to heal better and to cope more healthily, and it has resulted in me needing to prune my branches. I need to cut away. I hope new growth will form and that I can grow. I am not saying facebook is a bad thing at all. It just is for me right now. I am not saying that being connected through the internet is a bad thing because it isn't. I just have been using it to foster a life that I don't actually want. I want to figure out how to make the relationships I have in my life as healthy on my part as possible. We'll see how it goes and what this is actually going to look like.

  In other news I finished  the book 'Rolf In the Woods Today.' I loved it. It made me think about all sorts of things ~ forest dwelling, living off the land, trapping, fishing, hunting, relationships, character, integrity, animals, belief systems, heritage, culture. I loved it. I hope I get to read it to my children. I think my one son will especially love it.

xo