The Specialness of Today

  Is there anything special about today? I guess there is something special about every day that we are alive and still here. I often feel this sense of unease with myself and my life and I fight it. Today I really wanted to attempt to focus in and find something special. This morning I failed at that completely and my oldest had a bit of a rocky start to the day. However after I had breakfast and calmed down somewhat we had a successful morning of homeschooling and the sun was shining the way it can only during October. The sky is this azure blue and the leaves are all starting to turn. Everything shimmers on days like this. We headed to the wetlands where we love to go. The baby fell asleep in the car and so the two other children just played outside in yelling distance looking for snakes and I took some pictures. We eventually woke the baby up who had brought a little pair of binoculars which he uses to take pretend pictures of all the treasures he spots. The other day I heard a lady with three children and one on the way say she had never been overwhelmed by motherhood. I felt blown out of the water. I feel overwhelmed by motherhood every day. I don't know how other mothers feel but that's just me. I am not sure where I could exist that I didn't feel somewhat overwhelmed as chronic anxiety does that to a person but the every day needs of children, the every day responsibilities of running a house hold, money, food I mean the whole gamut... is often a seemingly large job. I often resent that feeling. I just want to cast it off me even just for a while although forever would be great! So today in looking for something special about the day and going to the wetlands I was able to put that anxious feeling aside and feel warm in the sun, happy in my children's happiness, and really listen to what they had to say and what they were thinking. I have been a mother now for a good while ~ I'll say ten and a half years ~ so surely there is going to be some point where I feel more capable of it. If I never do I just want to at least focus in on the specialness of each day and the little moments children faithfully provide ~ full of wonder, sweetness, total sincerity, passion and wholeheartedness. They are perfect reminders that life has much to enjoy and that each day we are here is special. My children are watching TV now and I am going to wash dishes and fold laundry. I hope the rest of this day ~ be it sunny or not where you are ~ is one where you capture that feeling where anxiety, unease and unrest is totally gone and that peace and warmth surrounds you. xo