Some Thoughts

When you look at your life is it how you want it to look?

 If not ~ what do you want it to look like?

 What do you enjoy about the life you are living?

 Are you living your life with intention?

 ~ The other day I sat down with a friend and we started attempting to wrap our heads around getting out of our own 'crazy cycles' and into a more intentional peace filled life. This apparently is going to take a lot of work and a lot of soul searching on my end. I don't find that I am personally disciplined. If I am doing something for or with someone else then great ~ I am so much more capable, but on my own I peter out pretty quickly! So we were sitting down to write out lists and goals and schedules and then were going to keep each other accountable. However when we sat down, and she pulled out some books and notes she had, and gave me them to write down I felt a bit at a loss. I wanted to be able to really think about my answers and make sure they were coming from good places in me. So we didn't get as much done that day as we hoped and I am still trying to come up with answers.

~ I am a stay at home mother. I have no income that I make personally. I homeschool my children out of what I believe is necessity because of things they have experienced in the school system, and also because of the needs that have become apparent over the years. As the years have gone by I have become less and less of a social person. I have found it easier to just stay at home and try to manage all that home is. I like to give and so often people that are drawn to me are ones that have needs. I have tended to give more than I actually have. I want to give all I have but have less and less to give. The friends I have now are friends I deeply treasure and that are willing to give of themselves as well. I appreciate that more than ever as I realize all the gifts a healthy friendship can give. All of this has been a sloooow learning process over the past twelve years (and more) of being an adult and parent. In my home though I usually feel some sort of anxiety. I have felt pretty worn out often. I am at a point of trying to make changes (again!) for myself and my family.

~ In starting out with the questions up above they were to lead to me being able to write lists and goals for myself and my family that led to more enjoyment, more intention, more peace. When you operate from a place of anxiety and just trying to survive for a short or long while.... this is a big change! I have had times in my life where I have been in much healthier places and have so appreciated it. When I sink back to the other side it is discouraging.

~ All of this to say ~ that if you are not doing well ~ not feeling like you are living your happiest best life right now~ I get it! It takes a lot of consistent work to get to a healthy place and then stay there. It takes boundaries and saying no, it takes delegation, goal writing, accountability, counselling sometimes (which I am starting again), grace, encouragement, and more. I feel like trying to do it alone is not necessarily the answer. I would suggest help from a friend, family member, mentor, counselor or whatever feels the best for you.

~ We don't have to stay stuck in unhealthy lifestyles and patterns. As hard as it is to get out; it is best that we do right?!

I hope you have a lovely week. I will be here ~ puzzling through these questions, helping children accomplish Math and Science, reading endless books to them, washing a lot of dirty dishes, looking out on the beautiful field through my front window, watching birds in my back yard, folding laundry again and again, making children shower and wash their feet, brush their teeth, cutting their nails, getting them glasses of water, driving to dance rehearsals, braiding hair, attending a dance recital twice, snuggling two children to sleep each night, listening to all sorts of interesting stories and facts from all ages of children thirteen to three and, ya know...just all the usual things!!!

Love Tansy