That does not sound pleasant does it? I think that for many people this sentence could be their own. Some people have actually experienced chronic trauma.
What is trauma?
It is 'an emotional shock following a stressful event or physical injury which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long term neurosis.'
Also this:
'Psychological trauma is a type of damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a severely distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. A traumatic event involves one's experience, or repeating events of being overwhelmed that can be precipitated in weeks, years, or even decades as the person struggles to cope with the immediate circumstances, eventually leading to serious, long-term negative consequences.'
As a child how did I process this trauma? As a child what tools do we have to process trauma?
Then we grow up and we may be stuck emotionally still in certain ages where we experienced trauma.
We all perceive and experience the world through our own lenses. One experience to one person may not phase them to a very great degree, while another person experiencing the same thing is traumatized terribly. We are our own people. We are allowed to feel what we feel.
Sometimes though the pain of situations are so overwhelming and so great that we cannot think about it, feel it, or process it. So we shove it down, do whatever it takes to cope, and move on as best we can. It can become a pattern. We might develop behaviors to be able to keep managing as best we can in life, but ultimately pain that is inside us will not leave on its own. It is something we have to have the strength to bring up and process so it can be released.
Today's society is very fast paced. In my country people are very indivualistic. People are obsessed with online reality rather then real life reality. Now more than ever pain can be pushed down, and when it comes up people are more alone then they ever have been. I dont believe you can properly and healthily deal with pain and trauma alone. You need support and you need to be held gently and sweetly.
Why say all this?
I am starting counselling tonight. I have gone to about four different counsellors over the course of eleven years. They have all helped me in different ways. Some of them I have felt very connected to and almost everything they said was like a lighting bolt to my soul in the best way possible. Others I didn't feel connected to but I still knew their support was vital at that point in my life. There is a lot of good in going to a counsellor you can connect to and who you feel trust with. I have no idea how I will feel about this new counsellor tonight but I am hoping for good things.
Why should I start counselling again? Why now? Well honestly I am such an advocate of counselling and mentoring. It is a pearl of great price. Lately I have felt a bit 'lost at sea' so to speak. A counsellor or mentor can sometimes provide you with feelings of stability that are desperately needed. At this point in time that is what I am hoping for. Counsellors are not people that are there to judge you or tell you what to do. They are there to listen and ask questions. They are there to walk alongside you on your journey ~ helping you cope, asking thought provoking questions, and then hopefully helping you rise up stronger and with more confidence to move forward. We so easily are stuck on paths and roads that have been walked before us by our previous family for generations. Sometimes those paths are not kind and they are full of treachery. However, we have no tools to get off that path onto a different road. I believe counselling can help us be able to get off that road and onto a new path ~ one that feels healthy and unique and beautiful. If we have children this is so so important for their sakes and their future as well. I actually have two of my children attending counselling this summer as well. I am hoping this will give them tools to help them grow fully and well rather than emotionally stunted with wounding.
Something that commonly happens to people who experience trauma is that when the pain is pushed down eventually their body starts to break down. Our spirit, soul and body are intricately connected. What our soul and mind experience our body will also. Do we really realize the ramifications of that? Maybe not, but we need to. Pain and heart ache not acknowledged and dealt with, bitterness that has settled in, despair, rejection, all of these things are wounds that sitting stagnant inside us will rot.
So I feel the deep need to prevent that in me. I want to keep digging deep, getting on new roads. We shall see how it goes this time around.
If you are struggling ~ if you KNOW you have pain that you have not dealt with...this is not a threat okay, it is just the truth, it is going to affect you, it is going to hurt you. Dealing with it might seem too daunting, too much, and it isn't going to be easy. But the freedom you will feel, the weight that will be lifted, the beauty that can fill you in the healing...is worth it all! I promise. Just don't try to do anything alone.
xo
Tansy
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