Listening and Time

   As a mother I hear a lot of screaming and shrieking from my youngest children. They are learning about being heard and making themselves and what they want known, and so when they are upset or not being heard there is just full volume screams that emanate from their body. I have noticed that as time goes on, at least in my house, the screaming changes to different types of cries to be heard. 

   There are many different behaviors that come with this. Some days it is just out and out yelling about how mad they are or how they don't feel listened to or respected. However often it is a lot less obvious. Sometimes I am thankful for the yelling really because it isn't hard to figure out what they are upset about or struggling with. Each of my children are so different. I have some that can tell me pretty easily exactly what they are upset about and what they need. I have others who just can't. They push everything deep inside and on the way down the words get lost. I can spend so much time asking and asking until I hit on the right question that is somehow the key to the padlock that has kept the words buried.

  Why write this? I guess because it is the same with us as adults, but do we listen well to our own bodies? I wrote a while back about a soul spa day I attended. I did some stretching during that day and was shocked at just how much pain my body was in. I had no idea. Every time we experience a negative emotion or incident our mind AND body are affected. Some people go through so many of these incidences with such regularity it takes years and a lot of introspective work to find some healing and relief. There are many people who are suffering from soul sickness that translates to all sorts of diseases in their body that doctor's label auto immune disorders etc. I wish there was some sort of place these sweet hearts could go to. They can try to eat less inflammatory foods, take weeks or months off work, but when the hurt and trauma has been there for so long in their deepest selves...just changing physical things wont make a full healing happen. How amazing would it be if there was a place that helped individuals experience full healing..and a place that didn't cost over a thousand dollars a day.

  I really struggle with listening to my body. In fact I tune it out on purpose because it is all too intense. Much of me is cut off or pushed aside or not focused on just so I can keep going day to day. It is not an easy way to be but that is how I have learned to cope. Sometimes though I feel like my body is screaming at me but really listening to it all in its entirety is not feasible right now. When will it be? So when I can I try to listen to fragments. With my children and husband I am more in tune with their mental, emotional, spiritual, physical selves but often feel helpless to do much more than I already do. It is an interesting place of awareness to live in.

  In my deepest self I am ever grateful for the time we are given on earth because a huge part of that time over all the years can be dedicated to dealing with the things that constantly come up. It isn't easy but when is life ever this simple stroll in the park? There are perfect moments for sure, but often its messy. The years give us the time to purposely excavate, to stop, to think, to grieve, to seek help, to cleanse, to heal. It is a beautiful thing and it is easy to look at it in the opposite manner. In watching a particular relative age in my life there was this attitude of it all being a waste and that there was little left to live for. I am still young and cannot grasp all that was being experienced of course but I hope against hope that as I age I will see time as a gift and can move towards healing and experiencing more fully all the gifts I have been given. There are time and spaces that have been given to me already for this and I am so grateful. I look forward to more ahead. I hope this is something that resonates with you as well ~ time being a gift to go forward in healing in whatever that looks like to you. As I write I have heard numerous shrieks and screams from my four year old but none from my eight and eleven year old who are in the same room. It is amazing what a few years do to your power of expression. I chuckle to think what life would be like I every time I felt unheard or was really upset I just screamed at the top of my lungs. I think it would actually be awesome in so many ways for my body...but not so much for others around me.
 Have a wonderful week ~

xo
Tansy