Thoughts After Counselling Today

   Each week since July my children and I have gone to counselling together. It has been a really lovely experience for us all. My four year old started out just loving playing with all the toys they had available but now he has decided he would like his own sessions. In a two hour period we all have at least a little session. Sometimes we have a session altogether but often we have separate sessions.It has been eye opening for my children's hearts and has garnered much more self awareness. It has opened wounds and helped them heal. We are so thankful to have had this opportunity.

  Lately in my sessions I have not been able to take much in as I have been so tired and my mind so hazy. I am just proud of myself for getting all four children there and keeping them happy while they all wait their turns. Having my own session is always a blessing but I always am wanting truth to sink in deeply, and in my current extremely pregnant state, and being out of it because of my iron deficiency issues, I often leave feeling like there was so much more I could have absorbed but it just floated around my head!

  Today though I was doing much better. That was amazing. So I wanted to capture here what I learned so that I can come back to it at another time and re soak it in.

  Something I have realized about myself is that negative emotions are extremely overwhelming for me. It can be my own or someone else's, but at any time those big negative emotions just flood me. I have ways I cope with them as everyone does...but those ways of coping are really me trying to stop the emotions.

  So today..the focus was...was that those negative emotions, in me, my husband, my children...are good emotions. Why are they good? Because they are the way your body has to tell you that something needs to change. They often protect you and are fighting for you. So instead of trying to immediately process them and then shove them away, or just shove them away, or shut them down, how can I see what they truly are representing and saying and help myself in the ways I need to? Also how do I see them in my children, help them name them, but then not try to make them calm down immediately or make them go away?

  This feels almost impossible for me to do as these emotions are automatically huge for me and automatically very overwhelming. By big negative emotions I mean anxiety, anger etc. I just want them gone. So in me doing this (wanting them gone) a cycle is created that actually makes these emotions bigger and worse and always there. If instead of shutting them down I could let myself or my children really feel them, own them, and take time to feel in my body where they are, why, and then sit with it all for a while...it could be very freeing and very powerful.

  We shall see how this goes. I have been stuck for a very  long time just trying to keep drama away and trying to maintain a peace and calm..haha...aka control..that is never really there. There is always an undercurrent and it is hard.

  We have big changes in our family coming...and in reality there are always big changes coming. Life is full of changes. Some people and families love change. I am not one of those individuals. Change is just another reason for me to feel overwhelmed. I want to do well, manage well, protect those around me, help others feel safe etc...and yet is that really my job? I have taken it on...but your emotions are simply that...yours.

  I hope this is something I can hold close and I can start to move past the step I have been stuck in that has created such a cycle that has been with me for life. I hope I can let the emotions do their work. I hope I can ask myself the questions, but be gentle and honest. I hope I can create space for myself to do that even if others wont. I hope that I can also create that space for my children.

 May your weekend be lovely
It is cold here and supposed to snow. We have had no real snow this winter at all!!! So I don't really believe it will snow. If it does I will have some VERY excited children.

 Blessings to you,

Love Tansy