To The Valiant (Struggling) Mother

  Ever since having children I have been on this uphill climb towards a healthy family dynamic. I think this holds different meaning for everyone. To me it means a family that feels loved and safe and connected. It means a family that is giving, welcoming to others, kind and caring. It means a family that can have fun together and that has meaningful connections with others as well. Little did I know as we brought home the crib and highchair and other things for our toddler as she moved in with us, just how not ready I was, and how hard this all was going to be.

  I try so so hard to be all I need to be for all these little humans. Sometimes I achieve these moments of glory where I feel I have reached some sort of height I was trying to get to. Things feel more okay and there is less anxiety and nervous energy and fighting. Everyone can just eat dinner without drama, we can get out the door without all the angst that usually accompanies that concept, we can go to a big store and no one has a break down and I feel so great! These are small examples.

  This is the thing ~ life is always shifting and changing. There are moments of glory, yes. However children change and grow, their challenges and needs change. You might have conquered one battle and won, but another one is going to crop up and you might lose some. It may leave you reeling and wondering if you learned anything at all. Maybe you feel like actually its all been a cruel joke on you and you never got anywhere. All those moments of glory and accomplishments were for nothing as things seem so hard now.

  I think it is tempting to feel that way, but stepping back from the situation for a moment and looking back...its all been for something and so much growth and maturity has happened. When you are tempted to tear yourself apart, or someone else does for that matter, write down your truth or tell them it! You might not feel it at the moment and your house might be pure chaos...but it just means needs have shifted and dynamics have changed. You have weathered plenty a storm in the past and gotten through. Getting through often is not a pretty process. So when you are wallowing in despair and it seems the world has shifted upside down and you can't find your way to the surface....

  I guess just know I get it. I have gone through this so many times and it is never easier. However there is a lot of power in just going forward and claiming your truth. If you can fit moments of outside time in nature or some forms of self care it is going to help even if does not feel like it.

  Having moments of conversation with safe people who understand your heart and know your past struggles and victories can be encouraging. Remember you are good enough and there is no need for perfection okay. Remember that you are just human. Don't compare to anyone, and know that anyone who does not live with you is not going to really understand the situations so their criticism or words that may seem so devastating really should not hold merit.

I preach this to myself of course. I just need to remember this.

So onward Christian Soldier :) Onwards Valiant Mother

You are all you  need to be.
 Sending you love,
Tansy

Or do look back... but know that you are only going forward no matter how hard this all feels right now!