There are moments when I feel so hungry. I have never experienced starvation or close to it but there are times where I am too tired to eat or have fasted for a time and my body has felt a type of lack it does not handle well. I am so thankful that I have never been on the brink of physical starvation ever but during the times my body thinks it is... everything in my body screams at me to give it something to keep going with. I get dizzy and weak and quickly become incapable of much other than surviving.
I grew up in a house where there was a prevalent eating disorder for me to observe. This spiritual emotional and physical affliction was devastating. The hunger that it created was firstly emotional and but then also deeply spiritual and horribly physical. The hunger was cavernous.
When you are hungry something deep within you cries out for nourishment. Your body WANTS to survive and wishes to thrive. It begs you in the only ways it can to be taken care of! When you grow up seeing someone you love constantly deprive themselves of everything they need you grow up feeling this deep confusion and ache. You don't understand that maybe it was not your fault.
You also grow up not knowing what you yourself might need to really thrive and do well. You can ask yourself the questions, wrestle for clarity, and then when the fog clears and you know what you need you may find it just isn't available in the way you need it most in that moment. It becomes a cycle that is hard to break. Those you draw around you may be in the same cycle. When those moments of confusion lift and you know how to ask what you need...they just might not be capable of giving it.
What do you do? You finally know what you need. What do you need most? To be fed. How do you need to be fed? It is the soul that needs to be fed and you need honoring caring accepting love. Every part of you needs to know that they are loved just as they are. That you are enough, that you are lovely, brave, strong, and kind. You need to know you are worthy of connection. Your voice needs to be heard. Something deep within is always looking out for that message to be given and in some situations you realize its just not being given enough, or given well, or given at all!
With this being said I wanted to say there are such clear moments in my life where remember I was fed. In some situations I would be invited over to someone's home for dinner. The food would be so delicious and I would eat so much I would feel stuffed. When I would leave later to go home I would realize though that not just my body was full. In the conversations, laughter and connection that was offered, my spiritual and emotional body that were also so hungry, would be full. Since this didn't feel like a regular or normal occurrence it would be so impacting and I would feel grateful and also a longing.
I wished to be able to live a life of fullness.
So many of us walk around hungry.
The rules layed out during this time in history by all sorts of governing bodies have really highlighted that hunger. We are hungry for connection and that is why so many of us spend so many hours glued to social media and sending texts. We are hungry for kind touch and for beauty, for kindness, validation, joy, empathy, and for all the things our spirits and souls ask us to find.
I want to say to anyone who has ever shown me a kindness, who has fed my soul... to all the mothers in my growing up years who took me in and loved me, to my parents and extended family who did so so much, to my friends who have been so life changing, to teachers, aunties, counselor, bosses, to strangers...sometimes it was just a look, sometimes it was a compliment, sometimes it was a meal, sometimes it was your time and genuine conversation, sometimes it was an act of service, sometimes it was a gift...thank you for seeing my value and offering me a part or yourself, of your kindness.
We all are who we are today as a result of many different acts of kindness and giving of one soul to another. Then also we all are who we are because of a lack as well. When you feel able ~ feed another soul. Give them nourish. It is so vital to the human race to connect and to be fed. When you are able~ also realize what you need and reach out to someone and clearly kindly request for your soul to be fed. With persistence and learning you will find the right source(s). It can take time.
And today I pray that where you are feeling hungry you may be filled.
xo
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