After Giving Birth

 Pregnancy is a whole journey in and of itself. You can have the easiest drama free pregnancy but the reality is you are growing a baby. So much in your body must align and function for this to happen. Any small thing that goes wrong can spell disaster. I had a few hiccups in this pregnancy and emotionally I felt like I really let the baby down. I had hoped to feel peace and also I had wanted to be confident. Many things worked against this and I did not achieve that. However Amaris arrived safe and sound and the whole after birth journey had begun.

  My 'recovery' this time around was incredibly hard. I ended up tearing during birth and healing was impeded for weeks. I developed a life threatening blood clot and spent a day in emergency trying to figure out why I was in so much pain. I then had to inject myself twice a day with blood thinners that caused me pain and another blood clot for about six weeks. It also costs hundreds of dollars. I could not breast feed at first due to the baby having a severe tongue tie and for the first time ever I pumped every three hours and bottle fed. The baby had a tongue and lip tie revision done at eight days old which was challenging. The baby did not sleep at night. To say I felt like a shadow wracked with pain is an understatement. As I write this I am two months into this all and much of this is receding and improving. However, I am still getting very little sleep and she struggles to nurse. She has been colicky and I have been so weak and have had to cut out foods to help her tummy. She also has reflux. 

However there is always light in amongst shadows and there was so much light!

  My sister has been heroic. She advocated for me on all levels, drove long miles to come physically help me, brought me food, empathy and kindness. She found me help on days she could not be there and day by day I made it through and I was still alive. Dear souls made me multiple meals and sent gifts and love. Amaris started out in the world with three sleepers and in a matter of weeks had well over a hundred pieces of clothing due to the generosity of friends and neighbors. I had cards, flowers, baking, gifts and visits from family and friends. My soul needed this so much! I am so so SO thankful.