SoulShineThrough: A Home Birth

Our new baby arrived in late August. The anxiety and strain I experienced attempting to choose the date of her birth felt immense to me. I had been asked to deliver her a week early due to my age, but only a few days before I was supposed to do this. I had so little warning. Unknowns and surrender are such a part of the birthing experience and for someone like myself, that is terrifying.

After much deliberation and hesitation and self imposed drama the day came, and I took my first draught of a castor oil mixture that may have made it impossible for me to eat almond butter ever again. I had excited people waiting for news and I felt disappointment as nothing seemed to change in my body. I pulled out my breast pump and tried nipple stimulation. I had had contractions for weeks so those were present but they were not getting any stronger. My midwife then informed me that I would need to take a second dose four hours later! I had not known that! Communication during this pregnancy was not that best but in the end none of that mattered. She also said she should give me a membrane sweep. I had never had one of those before. At that point I felt like, well, surrender here we come! So she came over and confidently set up her equipment and did the membrane sweep. Ouch is all I will say about that.

I took the second dose at the appropriate time. My husband and oldest son had been at work and all the rest of my children were at home. After my second dose when nothing was happening, my husband came home and took the children out for a walk and my oldest left to go see her friend. I was sitting in my bed thinking I was home alone and the first 'real' contraction hit. I think I needed the peace that an empty house brought for my body to relax enough to get started. Another one hit pretty quickly after. I got up to go find a phone and realized my oldest son was home. I could barely talk to him asking him to get the dog out for a walk and then to shut her up somewhere where she could not disturb me. The contractions were that fast and furious. I then called my husband. When I tried to tell him I was in labor I could barely speak and he could not figure out what I was saying so I hung up on him because who really has time! I thought he'd probably figure it out. I called my midwife who was a little hesitant to come back too quickly but I communicated that it was probably for the best. I then contacted the other girls I had asked to be present and soon all the troops were on their way over.

To be honest every contraction felt really overwhelming. I knew the process, I knew the pain was going to keep building and I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep.

Everyone slowly arrived and I could feel that things were happening quickly. I decided to labour in my room as all my children were home and the house was full. I tried to be open to each contraction and welcome them and breathe. I feel like I was the loudest I have ever been during this labour as I needed to breathe with such force to manage the pain.

Mid labor there was a moment of chaos that was so unexpected. I was mid-contraction when I heard the loudest explosion I have ever heard. Our power went out and my contraction halted completely. It turned out that one house over lighting had hit a power pole. My husband ran outside to figure out what was happening. We all tried to recover out heartbeat's normalcy and my contractions returned. We had no power however and not much light. I was already feeling the need to push and so moving to a hospital seemed unwise. However, we needed power in case the baby needed any assistance with oxygen. Our kind neighbour jumped into action and got a generator going so we could have one plug in working. All was well that ended well! We had one lamp and many candles. At that point, everyone arrived. There were two midwives, a dear friend, two sweet girls who were taking pictures and videotaping, my husband and two daughters all in my room watching me. It felt perfect. I felt surrounded by kindness which did wonders for my heart. Another friend stopped by and dropped off flowers and hugged me. I concentrated on those flowers during contractions.

I started pushing and felt exhausted. I could feel the baby move down but go back up with each contraction and my midwife suggested my water be broken. At first I declined because I didn't want to go through the process. But as I went through another contraction I decided to go through with it. I sent everyone out of the room except for my friend and my husband and the midwives. I had to climb on my bed and lay flat on my back ( I had been kneeling on the floor laboring before this) and that was challenging. When the water was broken I was only about 7cm dilated. I felt a brief second of relief and then my body lost all control. The baby was coming immediately. I felt like I was scrambling mentally not sure what to do. The head was out in seconds it felt like. I was then asking for everyone to come back in as I didn't want my daughters to miss the birth! Everyone made it back into the room for the rest of the baby's body to be born. Baby was brought up to my chest immediately and did not move or breath and I felt panic. I asked if all was well and they assured me it was fine. It did not take long before the new born cries began and I felt relief.

All through the pregnancy my family and I felt like we were having a baby boy. This baby was so active in my womb and we have had a natural order of girl boy girl boy and it was time for a boy! So when I checked the gender of our baby after birth imagine my absolute shock at finding out we had a girl! A precious baby girl! My husband and I had had a boys name we knew from before the pregnancy even began. We chose a girls name just days before the baby came as a formality :) So when my oldest asked me her name I said I needed to double-check with my husband before we announced it :)

I have always had a deep knowing of the gender of each baby and never been wrong. I was SO wrong this time and it was just the best surprise. We named this sweet soul Amaris Thelma Mae.

After delivery, all my children were in the room meeting their sister and it felt like any wishes I had around all this came true. I was so grateful! And then reality crashed in as I needed to deliver the placenta and get stitches and deal with the afterpains. The labour lasted less than three hours in total. It was fast and furious.

Each day as I snuggle her and soothe her and feed her I am overcome with such deep thankfulness that she is who she is and that she is here safe, and that I was able to welcome her here in the way I had hoped.

Here are a few photos from the birth. They are photos someone snapped from my camera. Thankyou for taking the time to read :)

Love Tansy

Labor Day