Family

 You don't get to choose the family you are born into. You don't get to choose your genetics or how your parents raise you. You don't have a choice about the things you go through and how you experience them until one day things change. 

This magical day is the day you start to emotionally mature and the day you realize that you do indeed have a choice. You start to open your eyes to the world as an adult instead of a child. 

Your family is always going to be your family, and for many what a gift their family has been to them and continues to be. For others, their family has caused them so much hurt and damage it will take a life time of choosing a different path to heal. 

As I go forward into this new year my family of origin and the family I have created is on my mind.

I have six children. Six. This is a miracle if you know my life story. 

 My children are such gifts. They are now what makes up my husband's and I's family. These children are so unique, so intricate, so deeply beautiful and special. I fail them daily. It kills me. I feel sick. I just want to see them, wings spread, soaring above the filth and depravity this world tries to shroud them with, I want to see them so confident, feeling capable, with so many tools to live life well. Yet I am in such a battle to just get myself out of the mire of trauma and the lack I experienced growing up, that I can't give them all I hoped to. I realize this more and more as time goes on.

 I can't heal quickly enough. 

Our life is a constant journey. 

There is no arrival at perfection.

I hope and pray that when their eyes are open to the world as adults, and they look back on all my mistakes, that there is still hope for the future of our family. It is my heart's largest cry. It is my heart-felt prayer. 

As I go into 2024 it will be my continued focus and hope ~ to attempt to build our family unit and to attempt to continue my own healing journey. 

As you go into 2024 and have chances to explore emotional maturity, your family unit, and your gift of being here

I hope that you feel hope

I hope that you feel joy

I hope that you can choose a path full of beauty and light ~ it will always be worth it and it might never be easy.

xo