Homeschool Year 2024

 I homeschool my children. Every year it feels like a burden I can't shake. I care so deeply about their education but them acquiring this education feels extremely complicated to me. My children all have various learning challenges. Dyslexia and ADHD and strong personalities seem to add up to learning not being this sit and learn situation. Every moment of homeschool life feels hard to me. It feels like a very large challenge I can't overcome. Each day I face with dread. It is really hard.

I remind myself ~ I have not signed up for an easy life.

I am not looking for an easy life.

I have such a deep deep fear of failing my children on all levels. Their educations matters so much to me and yet you can't force someone to learn! My oldest child graduated with honour from homeschool but had no desire for further education. 

My next child is going to graduate in May. It has been such a journey with him and most of it has been incredibly challenging. He has only attended Kindergarten in a brick and mortar school. I have not been alone on the journey and have had much support and amazing tutors along the way. This year, however, we have a tutor for  a mere two hours a week. This means that this last year of his education rests almost solely on my shoulders and I am buckling under the weight because I care so deeply. I want him to be able to not just tread water but swim with confidence, not just fall out of the nest but jump and fly with strength! These are choices he has to make and I often forget that. He is inching his way to the end though. He has an exam next week, and a first aid course next month, and the fact that he has the confidence to do either of these things is such a victory. He will graduate and there were times when this did not seem like it would be able to happen. This is going to be such a massive moment for both him and I. Right now though, October 2024, I am struggling. I am feeling like I can't make it to May. I will, I must, but homeschooling is hard. 

That's all

I also am homeschooling children in grade nine, grade seven, grade five and kindergarten and I have a nursing one year old.

What a year!

I am so so thankful that before this school year started I was in Germany being absolutely overcome with delight and beauty. 

May is going to be a very blessed month.

I can do hard things

I am doing hard things.

Go me

The Fall Fair 2024

 Tradition

When I was learning about healthy families one of the things that was said was that healthy families have traditions. Oh how I have longed to be a healthy family. It is not something I have been able to attain. However there have been things I have been able to implement that bring glimmers of health near and this tradition of attending the fall fair every year brings me such joy and hope too.

We go to the parade and then we go eat corn and chicken and go on rides. We go see all the things people  have entered and we visit the animals that the 4H kids bring. It is so simple and some years it is pouring rain and some years it is hot. I always feel close to my grandparents when I am there and often feel like they are going to come through the crowd to say hi. I clearly remember the last time I saw them at this fair. Every year I feel close to tears all through the day because I am so happy and it means the world to me.

This year my daughter brought her new husband and I had seven children at the fair with me. My sister and her family come as well and it is just a day that means so much. What a triumph, 

Choice

 How can we measure

All the good this life will bring us

And all the pain that is slung our way

We choose what we pick up

And what we put down

We choose to bathe in the joy

Or be drowned in the pain

Yet it does not feel this way at all

It feels like we are undone, overcome, and that choice is not with us

It feels like we are tossed to and fro

And that we are ruled by heartache or surprised by joy

Oh to have wings

So we could have some sort of ease

Up high in the blue

But here we are

Here we are

And all the good that life has brought us

Fills us full

And all the pain that it has brought us too

Darkens us

May we find rest

May we find healing

May we find strength in our choice

October

  Today the rain poured down, it flooded our road a ways down, forcing cars to navigate a bit more carefully than usual. I could hear it pounding on the roof and a lake slowly formed in the field across the road. Inside my house we were cozy and warm. Today this blessed me so deeply. Right now our house has a lot of mold in it. We have had unknown mold growing for years, leaks in windows inside walls that we did not know about, and the house has felt like a bit of an enemy to me. My husband is tearing most of our basement down to its bare bones. We need to seal all the pavement down there and hope we can get every trace of mold out. We need to make sure every window is sealed. It is a massive undertaking that we don't have time or energy for, but we must find it and we must do this. 

However, today our roof is not leaking (and it has in the past), and we had a day where we played stories on CD about history, and we filled books with photos, and the children played happily with all sorts of things and the house was a disaster and for once, for once, I was not overcome with anxiety. 

Anxiety is such a friend of mine. It is constantly trying to rescue me, to speak to me, to tell me that I need more than what I have. I hear it, I understand, I try to show it I am an adult and I will be okay. So often though my anxiety reverts back to a small girl who never knew if things were okay. It is so hard to be in my skin. The days when I just can be in my skin and I can smile and I can cope are such victory filled days. I still had anxiety but it did not take over. The rain poured down and I nursed the baby and I put away groceries and I processed laundry and I vacuumed and did all the mundane every day things I do day in and day out and it was okay. 

I am grateful for all the gifts of this day. We are never promised the next.

xo

Tansy