A Reunion

 I went to a family reunion on my mother's side of the family this weekend. I have great memories of time with my cousins as a child, and have always been thankful for the effort my mom and aunties took to bring the cousins together. There were two kinds of cousins that I observed ~ they were all off the charts smart ~ but some were sensitive and creative and loved music and art. The other cousins were more mathematical and scientific. They could be found at the fuse ball table or playing games of stock ticker, while the other cousins would be singing away at the piano. 

 At this reunion there were quite a few of those cousins there but we are all middle aged now. I had not thought back to memories with my cousins for years (and therefore not been hit with that beautiful feeling of nostalgia and thankfulness). I was chatting with one of my cousins and there was a moment when all of my cousin's children, and my own children (probably almost twenty children), started running in a group up into a wooded area yelling a game they were going to play. My cousin looked up, and his face transformed, and he said, 'it's like the old days; that was the best.' For a second I could see the yearning and the youthfulness on his face again remembering his brother and cousins in their smaller forms. 

What a gift memory can be, I have been feeling that to my core lately. 

I have teared up a few times remembering this moment from yesterday.

 My grandparents got married at nineteen years of age and were married for many years. There were many hardships but through it all they did create a legacy. All those little children from my cousins and myself ~ what absolute gifts to the earth ~ and all because two people fell in love all those years ago back in World War Two. 

 How beautiful to see this legacy in the flesh laughing and chatting and playing together. I think my grandparents would have been so proud.

Thank you to my sweet aunties for planning the reunion ~

xo

The Power of Making a Choice

  I have been struggling a lot this week. I have a child that has been in such a dark place for a long time. Slowly things have been better and seemingly more hopeful, but this week there was deep disappointment for me and grief too. I felt exhausted which is how my body responds often to something that feels to hard to manage.

  I don't have the luxury of just laying in bed or checking out on many levels. Yesterday my family went for a hike and it was not something I wanted to do. However, I knew that it would be the best thing for me. No matter if I go somewhere with my family or not it always involves prep and work on my part. Everyone needs proper clothing and foot wear, snacks and drinks, etc. By the time everyone leaves I am worn out from repeating myself, and trying to account for everyone's needs. It just takes so much for some reason. We got out the door and headed up to the lake and mountain and I felt like I was having a panic attack.  My body was in full blown overwhelm. When we arrived at the hike it promptly started pouring rain and we were not prepared with rain gear. 

  As we walked along uphill, my muscles were burning, my two year old was in a tutu, the rain stopped, the panic started to drift away. The moss draped the branches of the trees like cloaks, the ferns thickly covered the hillsides and water gurgled along in a little creek. This specific hike has teapots and tea cups hidden amongst the beauty everywhere, and it is a treasure hunt for any child with any sort of appreciation for beauty and whimsy. My children were enraptured and were clambering up steep sides of the trail to count and find and explore. They were so happy. 

  The older children ran ahead and disappeared. As we went higher and higher, and were almost to the top, the rain started to pour down. It didn't take long until we were soaked. I had brought sweaters for the younger children and ended up carrying my youngest a good ways down the mountain. The rain was pouring, the green was vibrant, and the air was cool and refreshing. During the last bit of trail it was just my seven year old and I walking alone. She was cold and wet but also she remarked how much she was appreciating that it was just the two of us together.  We went home and had hot chocolate, and everyone took warm showers, and it was the perfect chance for my body to process a bit and to keep moving forward. 

  I had to choose to do this, and that is the key. So often I have observed that people make choices to stay the same, or to choose something hurtful or harmful for their bodies, to not move forward, or go anywhere, but to just stay stagnant. 

I have often done this myself.

 Life can be bewildering, painful, and disappointing. As a highly sensitive person it feels like an onslaught. I have a child a lot like me and I see how she processes her emotions as she feels them. Wave after wave of emotion ever breaking over her. She has some health complications, a sibling that bullies her, and other things that make life challenging and hard. She does a lot of crying, whining, and complaining, and she does not hold back. This is realistically how I feel inside I think but it comes out as  overwhelmed, tired, and often frustrated. How is life for people who are not highly sensitive? 

It is not fun for me to be this way!!!!

So, going for a hike, enjoying the beauty, feeling pockets of wonder and joy ~ such a good choice to make.

May this weekend hold happenings that nurture your soul and propel you somewhere positive.

It is a choice you can make I think, and there is much power and beauty in that.

All the best

xo