Chemotherapy and Cleansing

  I wanted to write a few words about life after chemotherapy. I have been thinking about my chemotherapy journey lately and felt like I should write this. 

Having chemotherapy changes you forever (at least in my case). It is a strong poison dripped into your veins that may kill your cancer but it also has consequences that are far reaching.

Something I did not know about chemotherapy is that after you've had it ~ you must actively cleanse it out. I feel like it was naive of me to think that after my cancer was over I was then 'free' somehow. No, no, not at all. Having cancer without the chemotherapy factor is a tough journey. You face so many emotions and so many questions. Your life's vulnerability is there ever before you in a new way. It is a humbling and terrifying journey. You do not come out of it unscathed. 

Chemotherapy though is a whole other experience. My chemotherapy was so incredibly strong. I was actually told they didn't know how much to dose me and so they overdosed me. It actually almost killed me. 

Let me get to the point ~ after chemotherapy it's like you were stabbed with a knife ~ chemo is the knife ~ when its over the wound just is covered up but the knife is still in there. You've got to get the knife removed or infection will keep festering. No one told me this. 

Almost exactly a year after getting my last chemo treatment I started to drink a herbal tea because I was struggling so much with my monthly period. My hormones were not doing well. I was working for a lady who was very into holistic ways at the time and she told me to drink raspberry leaf tea. I started drinking that and my body had been waiting! Chemo started to pour out of my body. My skin smelled of chemo, my breath smelled of chemo. It was traumatizing and shocking. My husband couldn't handle sleeping next to me because the smell was so triggering.  Rasberry leaf tea is a uterine tonic and my chemo had been sent straight to my uterus and had been sitting there ~ for a year ~ continuing to poison me. I rushed to my naturopath doctor who I had not seen in a long time. In my trauma I had forgotten she would be a good resource! She put me on a series of cleanses which helped. 

Cleanses are not easy ~ they make you feel worse before you feel better ~ and you need to support your liver a lot during them. In hindsight I should have done more cleanses and specifically for heavy metal toxicity. I should have continued cleanses yearly when possible. 

In conclusion ~ Get that chemo out of you body ~ all of it ~ as soon as you can.

Do the hard work

Your body will thank you for it. Go to a reputable holistic doctor and get started. Eat clean organic foods and drink clean purified water while cleansing. Go for many walks and take epsom salts baths. Put castor oil packs on your liver and let those toxins out of you. Be aware of anything you use on your skin and its toxins. Don't eat seed oils or sugar. 

I wish I would have known and had had a game plan. 

My oncologist said nothing, it was something I had to figure out the hard way.

When you are sick, take charge of your health, don't rely on doctors to advocate for you as they have many many patients ~ be your own advocate, pray for wisdom and find your path. Be aware of how toxic the world is. Be aware of what your own body needs and hopefully your healing journey will be well rounded and your body will gain strength and vitality!

xo

The Craft Fair on the Mountain

  Yesterday I went up to a craft fair on a mountain. It is held in the hall where my daughter got married and that now adds to its charm for me. This is my third year going to it. This year it was quite cold but there was no snow yet. I already knew my favourite potter had absconded from that mountain and moved to an island so she would not be there but I knew there would be treasures there for me.

 This craft fair holds special memories for me. Once when I was there, freshly postpartum (but there without children) and with a dear friend (going to craft fairs with friends used to be the normal thing, but it is very rare now), and I ran into my old counsellor. This counsellor transformed the entire rest of my life after meeting her, and I had not seen her for years. Here I was in a little old community hall, surrounded by joy and creativity, meeting a person who had helped me find healing and strength. It was such a special moment in my life. That year I bought these little pottery vases that hung on the wall. They were for dried flowers. 

 The next year I went up alone and there were these young girls selling wooden candles. They were made of all different kinds of wood and so stunningly beautiful. I also chatted with my favourite potter and bought these lovely drinking cups from her. Most people know each other up there and this craft fair has elderly ladies that have made cards, who have baked, who have made so many little treasures. There are other ladies in the kitchen making lunch to sell to support the hall. This is what feels like a right world to me. This is the core of who I am.

 This year I drove up, nerves raw. Each year holds challenges and the last couple years have held many challenges, so many that I have almost felt like I could not go on. This year has been hard as well. So up I drove after a very trying week, alone, and hoping that this tiny pocket of time would give me a gift. As I pulled up there was only one tiny spot in the parking lot but I managed to wedge my way in my large vehicle. The market was humming. Outside there were festively dressed ladies. One was selling beautiful tea she had crafted herself full of healing properties. Others people were laughing and reconnecting and complementing each other which is really the best. I then walked into the hall that has witnessed so much joy and celebration. The walls are steeped in it. 

 Right away I noticed the laughter and the joy that people were expressing. The hall was full. People were eating up on the stage even though it was only 10:30am. The potter there, named Dave, sells beautiful pottery but I had already bought the mug I wanted from him at a previous craft fair this year. It is this gorgeous sky blue mug and I haven't decided who to gift it to. I walked around looking at everything. Tiny beaded rings caught my eye, wooden owls made by the girls who had made the wooden candles were adorable, the table with all the kinds of cookies made me long for a different time when I was not celiac diseased, and the feeling of community was thick in the air. This is a feeling I find to be one of the most important. It feeds a soul deeply. I wished I was part of it. The treasure I was looking for caught my eye and I felt like I was going to cry. It was a painted canvas of an Autumn path. This year I have tried to infuse my bones with the autumn colours because I have been dreading winter and its greyness. This painting felt like it had been made for me. It ended up that the painter was a lady I knew of and who has blessed my family deeply even though I have never actually met her in person.  I introduced myself and bought her masterpiece and headed to my car. I then shed a few tears wishing, wishing things that may never be, and then headed back down the mountain to my waiting needing family. 

 Honestly, it might not be a craft fair for you ~ maybe its live music, or maybe its a beautiful place to eat, or maybe its craft night with friends, maybe its dancing or hiking ~ but whatever it is that feeds your soul? It is worth investing your time into. Going to the craft fair with my sisters this year was so lovely for me. Going to the community halls to find treasures with my children has been sustaining for me. 

 I know its not winter everywhere in the world and I know not everyone has the grey winters that we have here ~ seasonal depression is not everyone's battle ~ but the Christmas season is hard for so many people. May you find a way through that surprises you with its gifts and sustenance.

May you feel blessing of wonder, and also, may you feel revived. A new year is coming and how amazing is that!   

xo

A Memory of a Mountain

 

My son and husband climbed up the mountain we can see on our drive home and it reminded me of the time we decided the night before to do this hike as a family. We had ZERO idea what we were getting into and it was such an adventure. We had never been on a family hike before. Our youngest had just turned three. 

A Memory of a Mountain

I come around a curve in the road

Driving home

And there it is

A towering mountain peak

Tall enough

When you stand on it

You can see the ocean.

One day our whole family 

Climbed up

And up

Step by step

Through meadows of glory

Past a small lake

Past strangers who felt kinship

In the thinner air.

Down in the valley all was dry

Barren

We had almost forgotten lush green

As humans so easily do.

So up we climbed

Through brilliant green

Up to the blue. 

Closer to God Himself

Well, that was how it felt.

Maybe I could finally reach

The hem of His garment 

And be healed.

At the top

We gingerly looked out

Across the valley, over other mountains, holding children' hands

Eyes eager for the view of our reward

Somewhere down down below

Was our house

Our life

What victory to climb a mountain

With your family

How symbolic of our life

How hopeful

I ached for days

Muscles remembering

Heart full

Another Weekend of Craft Fairs

  My children and I went to two craft fairs today as the rain poured down and it never truly felt like daylight arrived. One of the craft fairs was held in a building that has seen soldiers train for world war. We didn't find anything to purchase there but across the road was a gentleman dressed in bright yellow head to toe rain gear. He faithfully covers every part of his house and a majority of his yard in Christmas lights every year. Today he was working on his electrical pole. His house is like a beacon and it exudes his creativity and exuberance for the season. I had not seen him closely before so today I looked at him as I drove away and saw that he was a man of considerable years. He starts his decorating early in November and adds to it all through the months of November and December. Every portion of his roof is covered in lights, every part of the walls of his house are as well and he has wooden reindeer on his roof. This is not an easy or quick labor of love. I wanted to ask him his story. Why does he do this and when did it start?

  The next craft fair was in the Evergreen Hall. Before life was like it is now, community halls were a place the community gathered regularly for many things. They still are in this day and age but somehow it is not the same when a town gets so large. Today though it felt like a moment from the past. The hall was filled with cheery music, Christmas decor, and so many people. Each of my children found treasures as did I. There was a lady who had made the sweetest felted purses, animals and coasters. There was a lady who had filled fine china tea cups with a wee plant, fairy and mushrooms she had made. There were crochet stuffed animals, smoked salmon, a lady who made you a custom charcuterie box full of snacks, pottery, painted art, bedazzled art, wooden creations and more. My oldest daughter, my grandson and son in law arrived and I asked my son in law to teach me about a table filled with fly fishing lures. You learn new things every day. I came home wishing to create something, to decorate my house with lights. My husband took my children to the river to collect rocks for his next creative creation. 

  There are many dark days in life of course, many dark hours. Today was happy and light even though the sun never shone. Today felt victorious and important. I don't take that forgranted. 

  It isn't even December yet but the Christmas season has already brought warmth and joy to our home. Having a baby who finds the world wonder filled and delightful helps everything as well. She tiptoes into my room to see gifts being wrapped and exclaims in awe and excitement. 

 Next weekend we will venture forth again to another small community hall up on a mountain to once again enter into the joy of a craft fair ~ I can hardly wait.

Grateful

All my life 

I've wished to feel

Like I was connected

To someone enough

That my soul could stay in my body

That I felt loved

So knowingly

That I could be enough

Just as I was

Just as I am

Now I know

It's a gorgeous wish

A vital wish

The life giving hope of a child

My eyes wide with looking

Finding the ones who saw me at a time

And cared

And here I am now

Looking out my window 

At the Roses, the field of velvet green

The misted mountains beyond

Grateful

To them all 

Moss

 The whispers of moss

I could not hear

Though I have tried to quiet myself enough

The color like your first bite of ripe juicy plum

Warm from the light of the sun

Vibrant and verdant and rich

Tiny fingernails of it on gnarled fence posts

Whethered by relentless wind and clawing rain

Thriving and clinging 

Drawing an ever searching gaze

Bringing eyes delight and whimsy

My mother gathered moss

And keep it on her table

She wanted to hold close a forest path

A memory of peace

Be surrounded by the whispers of moss

Though she too couldn't hear

Life was shrieking so loudly, relentlessly

There are those of us

Who listen for moss

Who's eyes are drawn up into the trees or downwards all around

Widened with delight

Irises taking it all in

Hand reaching, a fingertip caressing

Moss

My First Craft Fair of 2025

   I am excited to announce that I went to my first craft fair. It was a Christmas craft fair and here is the best part....I went with two of my sisters! That was so special for me. I had my two youngest children and my sister had her two children as well. Every craft fair is filled with people who have worked HARD and are presenting the fruits of their labor. The spirit of creativity is in the air and eagerness to bless you with what they have made is everywhere. 

  A gentleman dressed as Santa gave my baby a handmade wooden ornament for free and it blessed her little soul so much. She was so sweetly happy.

  My sister bought my six year old something she was wanting and I would not buy her and her cousin gave it to her. This also blessed her sensitive soul so much. 

  I bought two snowmen from the hospital auxiliary. They were adorable in their sweaters and scarves and hats and they were sharing skiis. I have not bought many Christmas decorations. They are all given to me from my grandparents houses. I love them so much. My one grandmother had a few snowmen and it brought me joy to add some friends to the collection. 

  I bought a handmade wooden tree and a little handmade wooden rattle. I bought beautiful lace snowflake for the Christmas tree. I try to buy them every year. Once again, a craft fair brought me joy and I was so thankful for artists who give their time and creativity. 

 I have other craft fairs to attend this month and I am excited about them all. 

 I hope whoever reads this has some creativity and beauty to look forward to and partake in before the year ends. It it such a soul filling exercise.