Poor Guy

    Last night I got mad at my husband. Again. See, I want him to be me because I guess I think I am perfect. Now obviously I DON'T think I am perfect but I sure must come across to him that way. If I really REALLY break it down in my head this is what happened. I came in the door after being gone for a couple hours. It was 7:30pm and all my children are watching movies. 7:30 is sort of bed time here and I say sort of because two children do not fall asleep before 10:00pm most nights but we still aim for 7:30 for some reason; I guess because the oldest needs to be in bed as early as possible as she is such an early riser. Anyway so I walk in the door, they are all watching TV, dinner is on the counter (so not put away) food is everywhere on the table, floors etc and the house is a mess. I did not leave the kitchen or dining room in perfect condition but it had certainly not been that bad. So my shoulders drop as coming home to this state is not new, and I go into action mode. My husband is sort of slumped on the bed and remains as such as I get the children's teeth brushed (I hate this chore! Anyone with me? I think because the children put me through the wringer almost every single time) and try to wrangle these little ones who don't listen to me well into bed. I am tired, have red lipstick and a garish ballet outfit on and my hair in two french braids because I just came from pictures. I am tired and feel done so I am snappy and rude. I try to tell myself that when HE comes home from going out he just falls into bed. He doesn't even think of cleaning up. He doesn't have to nurse a baby and anyway the thought train just keeps achuggin....
 
    I often find myself thinking that my husband gets to leave all day and that when he comes home he should be ready to take the reigns and that I should be able to have some sort of break. Usually my nerves feel fried and I am exhausted and I feel like I need a prince on a white horse. Now maybe if my husband had grown up seeing his dad do that every day for him mom it would be a bit easier but every day his dad came home and sat in a chair, put his feet up and basically did not move again unless he was being served dinner. So when my husband comes home he showers and puts clean clothes on and then lets the kids climb all over him. He helps put the children to bed also. To him that is a big step up from his dad, and I'll give him props because it is. However I really REALLY want a knight on a white horse. I really need someone to swoop in and let me have a spa hour every single evening. I feel I need someone to let me forget I am a mom every evening just for a while and I need a fairy god mother to clean up the house and do the laundry and dishes so when I re enter my reality it is sparkly and fresh.

  Spa hour? That just came into my head. I have had a couple incredible spa experiences where I have felt so relaxed and cared for so I guess maybe every evening I am wishing to relive that. However my husband has worked his tail off all day. Yesterday he had worked on a roof. His back was in a lot of pain. The children fought the whole time I was gone and he was so tired. His dinner did not agree with him and he had a lot of stresses on his mind. I guess HE needed a knight and I was a nag. We were both tired and drained.

So that sucked.

I know perfectly well that when my husband goes to work he is not reclining on some cozy recliner sippin somethin sweet. He has a physical job and he is often in charge of the site he is on. He often deals with customers who are rude, in panic mode, and need some sort of assurance and care. So he does this all day and then walks into..well....our house; and it is not usually a pretty sight.

I have realized that in this stage of the game...
 As parents to younger children...

The word we need hanging from our foreheads is grace!!!!
If we could only treat each other with grace, communicate with clarity and be fair! Wow things would be so much better.
There is no knight! There is no white horse. There are dirty diapers and fighting and dishes that never end. There are so many nights of no sleep and long days that never seem to end. There is endless laundry and bills to be payed and food to prepare and a lawn to mow every weekend. The list is endless and grace is what makes this possible to accomplish.
There is no fairy godmother either unfortunately (at least most of the time) there is just you and him. Him and I. We've got to navigate this together or the together is not going to last. 

So tonight when he gets home I sure hope I can pretend my name is Grace for a bit and be understanding of his need to stare at his phone, text people constantly,  have a half an hour shower and not be very present during dinner. I hope I can be kind when I feel like I have things I NEED...because he has needs too! I am not the sacrificial lamb here but either is he. We are both in this together!!!!!

And onwards I go.