Sun Burst

I saw the sun today. It shone through the clouds for about ten minutes and the snow on the mountains seemed dazzlingly bright after all the grey. It was glorious and I burst through my back door to try to feel a bit of warmth on my face.

As I feel overwhelmed lately with having children indoors a lot and having my husband away a lot and the pressures of every day life ever surrounding I have been overly emotional. I have been yelling, using language I have never used in front of my children, I have been totally crazy some days. What to do? It is me myself and I. I have to figure out how to push through this. Through the summer and the fall I had someone coming to work out with me three days a week. That conversation and kindness from my trainer, that movement of my body, that being outside amongst the trees and in the rain or crisp morning air did so much for me! I had energy and happiness and I felt encouraged and good about myself. Now I am not doing so well as my trainer is not coming anymore.

There are a couple things I am gleaning from this. It is so important to remember how I felt when I was working out with my trainer. My self worth was higher. I felt like I was taking care of myself. I felt hopeful and I felt like I cared about my body. This felt so nurturing to me. Right now I am lacking nurture in a big way. How to nurture myself consistently when everyone around me wants my nurture? I need to be able to give and not from emptiness. Also getting outside even for half an hour a day makes a big difference in every person. We need to be outside every day for more than two minutes. I also know that as pressure builds I am going to try to be more self aware and take more time outs to slow down and try to process. Such great intentions ~ haha, we shall see how I do.

November's end is nigh. December is upon us and with that the end of another year. The end of another year! Oh that I can treasure each day and let the good and the hard form me well.

Breathe

   Another grey morning. I know, it really affects me though! Honestly, there has been maybe one sunny day in about two months! I forget what blue looks like up there behind that curtain of grey.  Sometimes I see the clouds like the softest filmiest scarf on the mountains and behind them the deep dark green of the trees arrayed. It is breathe catching in its beauty and it helps me for a moment. The mountains look a winter sad blue most days though. The snow line is beautiful and low and the air is cold, but the rain!!! It needs to stop!

  My children are sick again. We just finished antibiotics. We are in the midst of moving. What a lonely time moving is. I feel like in days past moving was a time when people banded together but now unless you have that village around you it is a slog. I have done much packing but there is much more to do. Our new house needs work in order for us to fit well and so that has been started. My husband and I seem to be having issues with communication which is nothing new so last night a large hole in a wall happened on purpose but it was not in the completely right place. A wire was cut unnecessarily and the list goes but but it felt like it was the end of the world for a few moments and it wasn't. There are two walls framed so far, a hall way has its first coat of paint, there are cabinets taken out along the one wall of the kitchen and like I said, a big hole in that same wall. We can only work at nights and the people moving out were TWO DAYS LATE moving out. When those two days were supposed to be a majority of the time you had to renovate that is a very big deal. So we are scrambling. Anyway it is all for good things. We love this new home and we love how we will fit better. We are just in the MIDST of it all.

  That is the important thing to remember when you are overwhelmed and feeling hopeless. You are IN it. Sometimes you need to step out, step back, look it over from the outside and take a couple minutes. You will make it through because unless you choose not to,  you always do.
It is one step at a time, one moment at a time, and it is one breath at a time. That breathe, in your nose, filling your lungs, out your mouth and over again.
You can do this
You really can
XO

Autumn 2016 Family Photos

  My friend has documented the history of my family since my husband and I were  fledgling boyfriend and girlfriend and he was headed off to Africa for six months. She took pictures of us and we held hands for the first time during that photo shoot. I remember how big and strong his hand felt in my small one. We have been married since 2003 and now have four children. She has documented our engagement, our wedding, she has taken pictures through grief and joy. She has been present at some of my births and documented them. These are the latest pictures she took of our family.

  This is my husband and I. We are really happy this year and for that I am grateful. I think this picture shows that :)

  This is my eleven year old. She turns twelve in mere days. She has grown so quickly and is at such a vulnerable and influential time in her life. I am trying so hard to navigate this stage well.

  This little one has been through a transformation this year and I am so grateful for the hard work I have put in to make that happen. He is coming out of his protective anxious shell he has been in since birth. He is blossoming like we all should be given the chance to do. He is amazing. He is almost ten.

  This girly has just turned six. Part of the reason we are moving is so that she can have a space to call her own. She is sunshine and cloud, she has a fierceness of spirit that I love and a soul full of light. She is precious!

   Last but not least is the baby. He is everyone`s world right now. He is a talker and it astounds us. He tells us what to do and how and we do it. Today I caught him trying to stick his head into a can of hot chocolate powder. He couldn`t fit it in but he had a ring of the powder around his for head and some on his nose. He loves us all with everything within him and we love him so.

  During these family photos we had a couple mishaps. I sat in jam on the way over in the van. It is a cess pool and because I sat in the back I was asking for it. So when I got out I had a massive spot of jam in a very obvious place so that was fun. Then my oldest son ran away to explore ignoring my strict orders to not do that until we were done...and he slipped and fell. Thankfully this was after we had taken individual pictures of the children. So he had a melt down and I was sure pictures were over...he was covered in mud from head to toe but it was all on his back. He was able to calm down (a testament of how far he has come) and even mustered up a half smile for one of the family pictures.

  So once again another year documented. These pictures gave me such a boost. I loved planning the outfits and I loved our location and so thank you so much Em! You are amazing.

A Class On Holding a Heart

   Last night I had a chance to go to a class offered by the Child Development Center in my town. The class was called `How to Hold Your Child`s Heart.` It was the perfect day to attend this. I have been getting into a November slump and I know it. I have been stressed and not doing a consistent job at holding my children`s hearts. This class was focused around a specific kind of child in some ways (children with brain based differences) but so much of it applied to every child and to adults as well.
 
   There were many things shared last night but a couple of them I wanted to write here. When thinking relationship with anyone I think that it is wonderful to remember some of these steps.

  1. Connect - Be present - Hold the Space

  2. Be Your Child`s Anchor

  3. Teach about emotions and how to regulate them

  4. There is a Mind Body Heart connection in all of us

  5. Sometimes we need to be an external brain for our children

  Imagine if you were going through a stressful event and you met with a friend and needed to talk it out. You needed empathy rather than sympathy and connection rather than correction.
Connection rather than Correction.
 However this friend just started problem solving for you. You might feel judged, on edge, defensive and maybe defeated. I know I often do this to my children and to my friends. They come to me and because I want to make it all better I try to problem solve and I just talk and talk. It is not very effective. Not very effective at all.

  Yesterday I called a friend in tears. I needed to just get something out that was hurting me. Her interaction with me was the perfect example of empathy. She listened, she encouraged, she prayed, she was so kind and I was calm at the end of the conversation. When I called I felt wild and hysterical. It was so perfect to experience that and to realize the power of empathy and then have it talked about that night.

  If our children are angry, if they are fighting, if they are hostile, if they are sad, if they are hysterical, if they are overtired and hungry....often we react or we try to reprimand or teach..when they need empathy and support. We can teach another time...

  Relationship makes all the difference in the realm of teaching. If you feel known, understood, if you feel like you are loved....it makes all the difference in the world.

  We all need that - each one of us - and we need it with everything within us.
We need connection, we need love, we need someone holding our heart in careful nurturing hands. When we have that we feel empowered, we feel strong, we are much more capable of dealing with stress and hurt.

   I want to remember that as my family is going through yet another move and as we are approaching Christmas and many grey days of rain. I want to remember that as we start a new year. I want to remember that through the crazy that each day is, and make a point to reach out and hold each heart as each heart means the world to me.

Happy Birthday Sister xo

 The first taste of winter is always a bit exhilarating to me and right now we are having just a sip where I live. We don't reaaaly get snow here but the surrounding mountains do and down here in the valley the air gets a certain nip. We shiver and put on toques and maybe even gloves and the rain still pours! Sometimes we see just a hint of snow but rarely does it last.
  Today I got out of town...and it was needed. I was getting desperate for a change of scenery and some inspiration. The grey days and the boxes in my house and never ending chaos is really getting to my head. So most of my sisters, my mom and I went to another small but picturesque town to celebrate my youngest sister's birthday. She loves being photographed so here are a few pictures from our day.

   I hope you have a wonderful week. We get possession of our new home on Friday and so it is 'crunch time.' I have a lot to pack.
 
  The year is counting down the end now and so I hope there are many opportunities to make it matter for us all! Love Tansy


I love the details in this photo. Her rings, her nails, the color and texture of the sweater and the button of her skirt. 

                                                     This house is a treasure is it not!?