A Class On Holding a Heart

   Last night I had a chance to go to a class offered by the Child Development Center in my town. The class was called `How to Hold Your Child`s Heart.` It was the perfect day to attend this. I have been getting into a November slump and I know it. I have been stressed and not doing a consistent job at holding my children`s hearts. This class was focused around a specific kind of child in some ways (children with brain based differences) but so much of it applied to every child and to adults as well.
 
   There were many things shared last night but a couple of them I wanted to write here. When thinking relationship with anyone I think that it is wonderful to remember some of these steps.

  1. Connect - Be present - Hold the Space

  2. Be Your Child`s Anchor

  3. Teach about emotions and how to regulate them

  4. There is a Mind Body Heart connection in all of us

  5. Sometimes we need to be an external brain for our children

  Imagine if you were going through a stressful event and you met with a friend and needed to talk it out. You needed empathy rather than sympathy and connection rather than correction.
Connection rather than Correction.
 However this friend just started problem solving for you. You might feel judged, on edge, defensive and maybe defeated. I know I often do this to my children and to my friends. They come to me and because I want to make it all better I try to problem solve and I just talk and talk. It is not very effective. Not very effective at all.

  Yesterday I called a friend in tears. I needed to just get something out that was hurting me. Her interaction with me was the perfect example of empathy. She listened, she encouraged, she prayed, she was so kind and I was calm at the end of the conversation. When I called I felt wild and hysterical. It was so perfect to experience that and to realize the power of empathy and then have it talked about that night.

  If our children are angry, if they are fighting, if they are hostile, if they are sad, if they are hysterical, if they are overtired and hungry....often we react or we try to reprimand or teach..when they need empathy and support. We can teach another time...

  Relationship makes all the difference in the realm of teaching. If you feel known, understood, if you feel like you are loved....it makes all the difference in the world.

  We all need that - each one of us - and we need it with everything within us.
We need connection, we need love, we need someone holding our heart in careful nurturing hands. When we have that we feel empowered, we feel strong, we are much more capable of dealing with stress and hurt.

   I want to remember that as my family is going through yet another move and as we are approaching Christmas and many grey days of rain. I want to remember that as we start a new year. I want to remember that through the crazy that each day is, and make a point to reach out and hold each heart as each heart means the world to me.