Exercise

 Good Tuesday :)

  It is still morning and my three oldest children are at Vacation Bible School. If you are a woman who has have ever been affected by hormones and sleep deprivation you may be able to relate to me. I have been going through the ringer because of these two things for YEARS. There has been a lot of other factors as well. Anyway this has caused a lot of anxiety and depression on a GOOD day and on the bad days it gets too much to bear. The last bit of June was my worst hit in a very long time. I almost did not make it through and I am completely serious about this. There were tiny moments...like my husband bringing me home Sunflowers, and going up to the mountain I love, and making Daisy chains... that helped me hold on, but I couldn't handle everything. If you are just suffering from hormones...I love you and feel your pain so so clearly. I am sorry. It is rough and so unfair too!

  Anyway I am doing a bit better right now and the sun is out but it is not blazing hot yet and so I decided to work out! I have also been taking some vitamin B12 and calcium and some homeopathic drops for my liver hoping that this well help me next month. However I am not eating well and that is so important for me. The working out today though...especially with only one child and a kitten 'helping,' and not all five of them...was so freeing. I feel so good in this second. It doesn't mean I wont crash in ten minutes and just want to sleep. However I want to be honest in this blog (and I am) no matter how many posts are 'down' and not so upbeat or whatever. This blog is called Soulshinethrough and to me that means honesty ~ the essence of who I am shines through. Shining, but not always bright, which maybe doesn't make sense but oh well!

  Today I worked out!! (Trim Healthy Mama Workins is what I did) YAY! Last summer I managed to work out outside three mornings a week (with a trainer) and eat zero grains, very limited dairy, no sugar (honey only for a sweetener) and I lost weight and felt amazing. My hormones did the best they ever had since I had had cancer when I was twenty two. Why didn't I keep that up? Well rain came, my trainer quit, we moved, lots of snow came and Christmas, I got pregnant and I was sick, and then I lost the baby and since then its been a personal shit storm for me.

 So lets see if I am now rising from the ashes? I think that just for this moment I'll feel like I am. It is okay if I go down again because I know, I see, I realize so clearly, that I ALWAYS get back up. Things beat me down often okay. I have hit rock bottom many many times and felt like I was done.
Beauty from ashes is a huge part of me.
Beauty from ashes

If you have the strength to do some exercise today I hope you can
You are lovely
xo
Tansy