Summer 2017

    I am having a break down this summer. It isn't that big of a deal. Breakdowns around here are not that dramatic. I lay in bed a lot. I don't care about much and I just have no energy. I think it is a culmination of a lot of hard years, finally being able to sleep at night, the fact my husband is spread so thin and I feel so alone in the whole parenting and life department, my self esteem is non existent and the list goes on. I have days where I feel oh so sorry for myself but life is life. Who's life is perfect and wonderful all the time? No ones. Mine has been pretty dang hard for me. I would say that others would rise above and shine more brightly in my circumstances, and I have had my shining moments that is for sure, but right now there is not a lot of shine. I'll rise again :) I dont stay down for long.

   However the beauty of children (and I remember this so clearly from my own childhood) is that they continue to shine even in dark places. My children are little lights. They are work, a lot of work, but they are so unique, funny, and many other things. I love having a two year old who is so interested in everything and so expressive and still such a baby. I love having a six year old who is so dramatic and losing all her front teeth and still so sweet and cute. I love having a ten year old who is starting to come into his own and understand how people feel and express compassion and tenderness in such a beautiful way, and a twelve year old who is starting to grow up and who helps lift the load some days.

  I hope your summer is going well. In my culture summer is 'supposed to be' a time of  big holidays for weeks at a time, of endless days at the beach, picnics, tanning and the list of all good things. If your summer isn't those things right now...that is just fine! If you get some fresh fruit one day and just enjoy it...awesome. If you go for a walk somewhere bug free and beautiful...perfect! It is okay if things are not glamorous or bikini ready or picnics in meadows on mountain tops. It really is okay xo