Anxiety Awareness

 How has your anxiety been lately? Like really? Have you been aware of it? Are you drowning in it? Or have you been feeling quite calm and at peace? I just hosted a birthday party for my thirteen year old, I also have been  trying to get a lot accomplished with homeschooling and have been Christmas planning and shopping so I have been trying to keep a gauge of my anxiety levels. I get angry when I am anxious. I yell and am nasty. We all have anxiety but some of us have less tools or capacity in regards to anxiety.

How do you deal with your anxiety? Do you yell like me? Do you run and hide? Do you shut down and shut up? Everyone's anxious looks different.

I grew up with a lot of anxiety around me. Both sides of my extended family have anxiety. I think the Second World War helped those levels a lot along with World War One and before that who knows. However it has been there for a long time. I had no idea however. I really had so little awareness about anxiety. I just tried to get through every day the best I could not knowing why I struggled so much. I just always did. It was exhausting.

When my first son was born I was introduced to anxiety in a way I could not ignore. Little did I know how close of a relationship I had with anxiety already. He had multiple issues but in later years he would be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I started trying to sort out what was happening with my son and I started on a journey of learning about anxiety. I learned phrases like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and words like Cortisol and Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn.

All of this opened up my eyes to realize that anxious children come from anxious parents or are products of traumatic situations that happened and that they have not been able to get past.

I was an anxious parents, my parents were anxious and the list continued.

So with that knowledge I had some choices. I chose to keep learning and to implement changes in my life and my children' lives to try to bring about peace.

This was really hard. It has not brought perfection but it has brought more peace. My son is doing so much better. He still struggles a lot but his anxiety is much much lower and his self awareness much higher.

Anxiety impairs your ability to learn, to grow, to thrive. Anxiety and stress is toxic to your system and you cannot really fully live with that as your constant state. Sometimes anxiety cripples in so dramatically that you cannot hold down a job or enjoy relationships.

If you have an anxious child and are overwhelmed and confused stop for a moment and examine your life. What kind of environment is your home? What kind of internal environment do you have? You are the Compass Rose to your child. You always have been. If you are safe and trustworthy, if you are their haven and they can trust that ~ they will be more at peace. If they can feel their home is a safe place, that their heart is safe there, they will feel more at peace. However if that is not the case with your own heart or your home...how can you expect them to heal or to really deal with their anxiety? It takes self awareness on your part and work on you heart to start helping your child.

I feel like when I was learning about all of this I came across a lot of parents who refused to look at their own selves. They focused on all different issues in their children's lives and provided all sorts of therapies and professionals but in my opinion peace and healing has to come from the source of the child which is you the parents.

As your child's parent it is your job. Does that seem impossible? Do you feel rejected by your child? Like it is not your job to be their safe place? I get it. I felt that way. I felt like I could never be a comfort to him, a safe place. I never had been before. I had just brought his anxiety up higher. I could never comfort him when he was freaking out. I just made it worse.

I realized though the truth. That I was his mother. He had been given to me. Therefore I was capable of being his safe place. I had to believe and own that. I had to forgive my self for feeling like I had let him down over and over. I had to ask his forgiveness and make strong changes. I had to be his safe haven because I learned how to be. It seemed impossible. It took time and it took confidence.

Our home went from one where I had a child melting down, screaming, and attacking me, throwing chairs, breaking doors, ripping his room apart, unable to do school work or go out in public places, not handling any change in any part of life, not able to wear most clothing and do so many things....to a home where my son is kind, compassionate, and self aware. He is still anxious and he still struggles but when he starts to melt down I am able to help him right away. I do not escalate with him I help him calm down. I am far from perfect but in my knowledge and with mentoring and support I have come along way and so has my son.

If you are struggling with anxiety in your home I would encourage you to not try to get through it alone. Find people with gentle empathetic wisdom that will encourage you, and hold you to truth. Be open to dealing with your own issues and owning up to your responsibility. You might have a lot of other things that feel more important than your own internal state and your child's. However for this season working through all these issues might just need to be the focus. It wont last forever but the rest of your life and your child's just may be transformed forever. It also could transform future generations of your family. It takes work but the pay off has such magnitude.

You are amazing. You can do this.

I believe in you!

Love Tansy