Being A Mother

 All this monotony or excitement

The cacaphony of voices

I never realized

With that first exciting toilet flush

From my first child

That I would groan and seethe at all the giftings in the toilets

And flush, endlessly flush them down.

Or when she put on her first outfit all alone

And I was so happy for her

How quickly I would be overwhelmed at her array of clothing strewn everywhere

Motherhood is immense

The responsibility, the love, the bounty, the anger, the remorse, the lack and the filling

And the very first time you tenderly carefully fearfully clipped the tiniest nails,

You didn't realize the thousands of times you would repeat this

How could you?

But it settles in

What you've done.

Becoming a mother

Being a mother

Being one that loves

It is breath catching

It is everything

You cannot look away

Holding this part of your heart

Close to you

Hoping against hope you have enough

Looking into souls you loved enough, wanted enough, to welcome here

It is no small endeavour

It is the rest of your forever.