Thoughts About God

  I've been thinking lately about the people out there who don't believe in God. I think that deep down everyone knows there is a God though they may not call Him that. Why do I think this? Each people group have something they worship, and every human being has something inside them that longs to connect as deeply as possible.

These are just my thoughts and I know many people would not agree in the slightest. 

  I have been raised by people who chose to follow God in their mid twenties. They went through a lot of pain and trauma before this and coming to God felt like a relief and like a new chance. Their trauma and the effects of that made living challenging and thriving not possible. However, my parent's in all their imperfections and abuse still showed me that following God held value. To me following God has not much at all to do with a church and the people in it. I have a long interesting relationship with church as I was such an observer as a child and noticed the inconsistencies and seemingly opposite practices in the church I grew up in to what the Bible seemed to preach that Christians should be. I had light bulb moments about the difference between the creator and the created from a young age. I was raised with adults in my life who were strongly adverse to God and refused to believe and follow. I listened to their arguments and looked at the fruit of their life and relationships and simply decided that was not for me. I chose that whatever may come my way I would believe that God was there AND that He cared for me on some level. These beliefs started out sweet and innocent and were challenged many times. I've learned that the church is full of human beings and the way church is run has a strong foundation on men wanting to be gods themselves and doing what it takes to achieve this status. This has nothing to do with Jesus. My whole life has shown that following God does not mean things will be sweet and easy or normal or healthy. I have had to work through disillusion and bitterness and grief. Today I am firmly rooted in what I know to be true ~ God is love ~ and love is complicated. God is the creator ~ He can do what He wants. God is both male and female. God is the ultimate artist. Creation is created for humans to be nourished by. We are masterpieces given free will. We can choose! I also keep things simple. I am not interested in debate. Debating and arguing is not something that feeds my soul. I believe in God and I believe in the Bible. 

I read some poems by Mary Oliver lately that have struck me in their simplicity. 

I Wake Close To Morning

Why do people keep asking to see

God's identity papers

when the darkness opening into morning

is more than enough?

Certainly any god might turn away in disgust.

Think of Sheba approaching 

the kingdom of Solomon.

Do you think she had to ask,

'Is this the place?'

by Mary Oliver

This is how my brain works in regards to God. I wake up and look at the sunrise and see my flower garden in the Spring and watch the Ocean at work and see my body birth a baby and I don't feel the need to fight the obvious. This is why this poem struck me so much.

Here is one more ~

The World I Live In

I have refused to live

locked in the orderly house of 

reasons and proofs.

The world I live in and believe in

is wider than that. And anyway,

what's wrong with Maybe?

You wouldn't believe what once or twice I have seen. I'll just

tell you this:

only if there are angels in your head will you

ever, possibly, see one.

by Mary Oliver

So this is it. I have angels in my head and I have seen one or two. I have wrestled with darkness and evil and won. I am thankful for Jesus and His love and grace. I am thankful for forgiveness and for the joy that going out and standing barefoot in the grass and saying thank you brings.

xo