Reading Through 'The Broken Way'

 As I am reading through The Broken Way there are so many parts of it that are like a healing salve to my soul. In chapters two and three she talks about Communion in a way that for me was like a dawning of new revelation. For some reason I have never been able to connect with the act of Communion that way that I feel like I should. However when she describes Christ breaking bread and drinking wine with his disciples....

 'In his last hours, in His abandonment, Jesus doesn't look for comfort or try to shield Himself against the rejection; He breaks the temptation to self protect and gives the vulnerability of Himself. In the sharp edge of grief, Jesus doesn't look for something to fill the broken and alone places; He takes and gives thanks and then does the most countercultural thing: He doesn't keep or hoard or hold on ~ but breaks and gives away.'

 'What if the abundance of communion is only found there in the brokennes of suffering - because suffering is where God lives? Suffering is where God gives the most healing intimacy.'

 'We are now Christ's only earthly body - and if we aren't the ones broken and given, we are the ones who dis-member Christ's body. Unless we are the ones broken and given, we incapacitate Christ's body.'
 
  I have often felt broken. So broken that my heart felt ripped out of my chest. I remember this one instant where I was sitting in a coffee shop with a councellor and I was talking about so much pain I was feeling emotionally. So much was going wrong, there was so much I had no idea how to deal with. I felt so lost. She was the one who looked at me with compassion and talked about truly entering into Christ's suffering and the honor that that can be. I had not heard about that before. In some ways I feel like I could have been offended and written that off but for some reason I wasn't. There was a truth for me in that that rang as clear as the clearest bell. I knew that this was a part of my journey. There is something that comes out of suffering that can be so intensely ugly and I have walked that journey with a strong steady stride. However I ended up walking smack dab into brick walls, tripping and falling over many chains, and being so beat up I felt unrecognizable inside. After reaching up for help and getting out of there and off that road and cleansing my soul...I took part in the suffering in a different way. It is never easy. However we are created for intimacy, connection, attachment and for things to feel authentic and freely given. When we are able to relate to someone on a deep level often it is because we understand a bit of what they are going through....and usually it is the sad or hard things that made us feel that connection if we have both gone through it....

 How would Christ want anything different? He wants to connect with us, share in our laughter and our joy and cry with us in our sorrow. He knows so well that life here on Earth is full of darkness and pain because He has experienced it first hand. He knows; and when we are suffering He is right there, arms extended, reaching out, the most compassionate heart there is and we can walk right into His arms. His brokenness can heals ours. His compassion can be the salve our soul needs. His kindness can ease the ache.

 'How can it be? When we're naked and ashamed and alone in our brokenness, Christ envelops us with His intimate grace. When we're rejected and abandoned and feel beyond wanting, Jesus cups our face: "Come close, my Beloved". When we're dirty and tear-stained and despairing, Jesus Christ is attracted to us and proposes undying love: 'All that you're carrying I take...and all that I am is yours'....There is a kind of intimacy that can only be tasted and swallowed. There is a wooing that washes your wounds. There is a union for all this brokenness.'

Have a lovely Thursday
May you feel loved and cared for in your brokenness. xo

Those Little Moments Matter

                             Sports day and the three legged race ~ a happy memory :)


                         Getting a kiddy pool ~ the most exciting thing in the world!

                                          Just having a little moment in the sunshine.

Trying on outfits made by Oma and Grandma found in her special box of memories.

 Because why wouldn't you all just get a popsicle and plop down on the front lawn together.

                                                                          Hi!!

                                                       A precious new puppy over for a visit.

                         Sometimes you need a treat after you've scraped your knees.

                                     Brothers and best buds who are seven years apart.

Have a Great Day :)

  This morning I got out of bed late...because I forgot that every Tuesday...every single Tuesday of the school year... I have to get three kids out the door by 8am. How do you forget that when it is June and there are only two more Tuesdays left before the school year is done? Well, let me tell you how easy it is. I mean I can't even remember my age...so forgetting that on Tuesdays I need to get out of bed early and try to get everyone ready...I come by it honestly. Everyone was in the van and I was driving by 8:13am. Everyone that needed to be in a public setting was dressed and I am pretty sure they all had their teeth brushed, two of the three were even fed breakfast. There were very haphazard and sketchy lunches packed. The baby was only in a diaper but it was fresh! I ended up seeing my husband while in the process of the drop off which was nice and not the norm. When I was at the last drop off the teacher asked me if I was working out? I looked down at what I quickly thrown on that morning...a tank top and work out pants. I looked at her like she was crazy and replied that no this was just what I could find to throw on before running out the door screaming at the child that was innocently trying to tie up runners to get to the van!!!!!! (I don't know if you have ever experienced this phenomenon but when hurry is added into any parent vocabulary the child that is being asked to hurry automatically goes into slow motion ~ it seems like they just can't help it...which illicits screams and under breath cursing from me) When I got back in the van after everyone was safely where they were supposed to be, and the baby was as usual crying about leaving all the siblings where he didn't want them left....I realized my pants were on inside out. Will I change that today? Will at some point they will be right side in? That remains to be seen.
Have a great day!!! Love Tansy

Garden Dreams

  The sun is shining this morning and a horse just whinnied in the pasture behind me. I found Foxgloves tucked away in my garden yesterday, a magnificent deep tangerine poppy bloomed and the roses are also blooming. I think every dream of my heart in regards to having a garden has been fulfilled. Over the years I have had snatches of thought in regards to having my own garden one day. I knew I would love Roses, Lilacs, Lavender, Herbs, Foxgloves, Ferns, Poppies, Pansies, and would I ever have spent money buying those for myself and planting them? Not likely. Every week new mysterious green plants blossom and I am overwhelmed that yet another flower dream has been fulfilled. The Foxgloves yesterday brought me to tears...all my garden dreams!!!! Every single one and then so many more than I had ever dreamed of! Imagine if every single dream in your heart was fulfilled and then more? I do think that if our dreams are pure and beautiful and if we go after them in a most sincere manner...they have a very very good chance of being fulfilled! They might not be fulfilled the way you thought though. Take time to examine your dreams and remember them ~ hold them close. Even the most tiny dream matters. My garden is living proof! xo

He Holds You

   While I was washing dishes today I was listening to a song by the band Leeland. They were singing about being carried and a couple of their songs are about that. Last night my little six year old was wanting to be carried to bed and my husband said sometimes he wished there was someone strong enough to just scoop him up and carry him. I so know that feeling. I have such a clear memory of when I was probably six and being in church and seeing one of my friends (the baby of that family) being scooped up in her dad's arms and held during the service. I knew I sure wouldn't be. I was the oldest in the family there were others who needed holding and who knows when I had been carried last. I just remember looking at her and feeling that wistfulness...because I could imagine how safe and loved she must feel in those arms of her daddy. If we really think about it ~ that longing never really goes away does it? We might push it down and pretend we don't need it....but we always did and we always do. We were all carried once.

   Maybe your mother carried you carelessly or bitterly or lovingly and preciously. Maybe your coming was a surprise, a dread, or a desperately wanted gift...but regardless your mother carried you in her womb so you were carried. Her body gave you what it could. When you were born arms had to carry you to and fro because you could not walk. We began by being carried. Our bodies formed while being carried. No wonder so deep inside us is this wish to be carried and to feel cocooned and safe.

  The ways we can be carried change as we grow. There is a last time that your mother scooped you up and held you for comfort or your dad scooped you up to say hello. There was a very last time and maybe you dont remember it. Why would you? You might have been quite young. However maybe there were other times where you were 'carried'. You came home from school crying and your mom listened with empathy or maybe your dad stood up for you when you needed it. As an adult your spouse, your friends, the loves in your life ~ they carry you when they can, how they can, and when we see it for it what it is ~ it can give us a glimpse of that safe lovely feeling we felt before.

  That sad part is is that some of us were never carried gently or carried well. Some of us feel scared even in the safest arms. There is opportunity to look up and trust that you are always held in the safest arms even when it feels like you are falling. I am trying to, I have tried to, I AM feeling carried. I just need to remember that I am safe in God's arms. He holds me well. He holds me safely. He holds me perfectly. And he holds you.
xo

You Are Not Perfect

Parenting

It begins with a man and a woman
Who don't want to live alone,
Then comes the dating and mating
And settling into a home.

The home makes a place for children,
An assortment of boys and girls,
Who need to be nurtured and tended
And shown how to live in the world.

Behind every child with good manners
Is a parent who taught them ways
To be kind to other people
And remembered to give them praise.

It isn't an easy assignment
With so much that must be taught
And most of us keep finding out
That it's harder than we thought.

June Green

  I love that end part of this poem that says...And most of us keep finding out that it's harder than we thought. It is true isn't it? If you are a parent you know. Right now behind me is a child with yet another dirty diaper. I am loathe to change it. I just feel done with dirty diapers I really do and that isn't really even a hard part about parenting (well it is... but compared to everything else its pretty simple). It is a good thing you just can't imagine the challenges parenting will bring and that even when people tell you there about those challenges...  there is this super power (and incredibly naive) part of your brain that thinks YOU WILL BE DIFFERENT. YOU will be the one parent in the world that will not struggle with THAT certain issue (and maybe you wont) but there will be some things that just wont go your way on your parenting journey I can guarantee that. Children have their own minds, their own wills, and their own hearts and no matter how much you want to try to fight it they will live their own life! Letting that happen is, well, sometimes agonizing (I just went and changed that diaper).

   If you are a parent I encourage you to be transparent about the struggles you have. I hear of so many moms who try to appear perfect and act like parenting just isn't a challenge for them. Maybe parenting is pretty easy for you. However you are not perfect and no one needs to hear how perfect you are. It isn't going to make anyone feel encouraged or wonderful or amazing. They are going to feel like crap okay ~ pure crap. Also if you are past that new born or toddler stage and are getting sleep at night, or if your baby slept ten hours a night from new born on...you have no idea what a sleep deprived mom is going through so don't give stupid advice!  Just give them a chance to rest (that was random but I needed to say it)!!!! Anyway my toddler has this weird substance in his hair that has caused it to be glued to his forehead right now. I  am putting off washing him because he screams like I am killing him if water is directed anywhere by his head. My other two children at home are playing some random game where they can't touch the floor and there are stuffed animals attached to long pieces of rope. I need to finish vacuuming and laundry and do dishes and you know...all that glamorous stuff. My toddler has reached a stage of trying out bad words and hitting and he responds to any sort of correction with wide open mouth screaming. It's precious. So while trying to accomplish the house chores I will be periodically peeling him off siblings and dealing with the screaming. Have a great day! xo

Dear June

  Dear June ~ My name is Tansy June. My maternal grandmother was named June Doreen and my paternal grandmother was named Thelma June. This is the month I remember them especially because we were all Junes. The generations that come before us specifically affect who we are today. I am keenly aware of that. It is an awareness that grows with age I think. I am so thankful for who my grandmothers were. They did not have life easy a lot of the time. They went through a world war and much loss in their lives. They never gave up. I knew them during a time when their children were grown and they could spend just a bit more time on things they enjoyed. I didn't know them when they were having child after child, worn and tired. I didn't know them when they had to work every second of the day to keep up. However when I started to have my own children I saw the wonder and delight in their eyes enjoying mine. I listened to their memories and their advice. They knew the task before me and they knew they didn't have much time left here. They told me to love, to enjoy, to work hard, to be strong, to do my best and I have tried, I am trying. I miss them so much. They were each treasures in such beautiful ways.

This is one of my favorite poems written by June Green called

 Little Treasures

Plant some pansies by your doorstep
Watch them blossom one by one,
Blue and mauve and golden yellow,
Looking up to see the sun.

Hope for lots of bright tomorrows,
Ask your neighbors in for tea,
Put aside your little sorrows,
Find some joy in all you see.

Walk along a path in winter,
Make an angel in the snow.
Life has many little pleasures,
Try them all before you go.