Playing

   Assuming you are an adult and past that point in your life where most days hold hours of free time ~ what did you used to do to play when you were little? There are some days where I think it is good to remember that time. It might not have been perfect but every child has that beautiful ability to take whatever they have around them and to play.

  When I was really little I played with dolls and outside in a play house my dad had built. I painted and colored and spent time with little friends. However when we moved to our family farm when I was just about eight, that was when play really became beyond magical. We had an old old barn full of cobwebs and mystery. I spent a lot of time in there on rainy days. The chickens would croon and squawk and I would climb high on piles of hay or brush my horse or clean out rabbit pens and listen to the rain on the roof. On sunny days there was the creek. That meant endless hours of fun. I would be out there mostly with siblings and neighborhood friends. We would usually have some sort of cutting tool so we could fashion forts out of bailing twine and weaving branches together. We would wade in the cool water, build bridges out of whatever we could find. We would spend hours just being free, imagining, and the green leaves would make us feel invisible to the outside world. Then there were the bike rides down the road that took us blackberry picking or exploring other creek beds or just biking to feel the wind in our hair. There was so much freedom that was so good for the soul.

   There were horse back rides and time spent brushing and braiding my horses hair. There were hours reading in the sun, or out in the back fields or in the forest. Friends would come over and we would do each other's hair in crazy funny fashions and dress up and pretend to be from a different time era. Often we would have picnics outside or bake in the kitchen. I never had a TV growing up and there was no internet to obsess over. I had books, paper, paints, pens, journals, friends, the outside, a bike, a horse, chickens, a dog and cat, and a goat. That part of my world held a lot of healing and helped me cope with the other not so beautiful aspects of my life. I am grateful. I wish my children had the same opportunities. I wonder what they will look back and on and if they will feel like they felt the same wild freedom I felt I had in those moments. I don't know how they can but I hope that some how they will.

xo

She Let Me Know I Was Loved

    Yesterday I went to my grandma's bench. She has been gone a while now but my grandpa put up a bench in her memory. Every time I go there I am struck with the perfection of the location. It is in a little grove of trees along a tree lined path. On one side through the trees there is a horse farm and on the other side open field. There is also a sort of creek. Mountains guard the distance and her bench always has something on it or beside it that to me exudes her. Yesterday there were acorn caps and beautiful leaves on  her bench and all around it. I walked along the path and could hear little birds singing and the horses snorting to each other. The rain fell and the mist cloaked the mountains. All of this held the peace I needed to feel.

  I hope that my grandma is in a far more beautiful place living a life she probably never allowed herself to imagine. As a woman who weathered a war and the great depression and many other defining moments for the world she kept on. She lived a life of all sorts of challenges. I only knew her however in her later years and I believe I was blessed with some of the best of her. She had wisdom, had learned what to battle, had learned what to value, had learned where to put her energy in the time she had, and it blessed me. It took her a lot of years and a lot of heart break to get there. It took a lot of letting go, a lot of mistakes, a lot of tears, it took a lot of having to put herself aside to let others shine and it took doing this over and over and over. It never stopped. Her very last years of life were not glamorous. She was the last of her siblings and family to pass away. She had health issues and her body was tired. The last time I saw her she was quite sick however she was able to let me know she wanted her hair brushed, and I brushed it, and I held up some Daffodils for her to enjoy, and in her suffering she let me know, as always, that I was loved. We all need that so deeply.

  I hope you feel loved today ~
Tansy

 

Celebrating Autumn Colors

Beautiful October

Mother Wisdom

   Hello! I have not been blogging very much for quite a while now. I am in a place in life where I feel like I don't have a lot of creativity or much to say. I WANT to feel more creative and get out into the world and take beautiful pictures, or read wonderful books and have my mind feel more ready to interact and share, but that hasn't happened. I am sorry if you have checked my blog over the past months and have been disappointed.

   With that being said I attended a church a couple Sundays ago and was inspired by a woman who spoke. Her name is Lindsey and she is a mother. She titled her message 'Mother Wisdom' and I appreciated a lot of what she had to say. To be honest I often find my spirit is not open to learning or hearing what other people want to teach. I think this is mainly because I feel like I can't apply it well enough or I am already failing at what I perceive they would like to impart. This Sunday was different and I was thankful for that.

   When Lindsey went up to the front of the room she started by saying she had a pretty amazing heritage. She talked about parents and grandparents and great grandparents who had parented with intention, who had worked on healthy marriages, and had been wonderful examples. She talked about her husband coming from a similar heritage. Usually hearing this would make me tune out a bit because I would feel I could not relate. However this time I kept my ears opened. She then talked about the fact that coming from this heritage has not meant she was exempt at needing to fight her own battles.

  We all have our battles. They vary or course, but there is power in identifying what they are and choosing to face them and also fight them with all the tools we can muster.

She then started talking about anxiety and this is one of my battles!

  Anxiety is rampant in our society ~ children and adults alike are struggling. I can relate to this because my home is one that is full of anxiety in many shapes and forms for many reasons. This is just our reality. It is something we battle constantly here. As a mother I feel that if I am struggling with anxiety then the children are whirling around me out of control. It is such a daunting task to be the barometer setter in the home day after day. When I dont have healthy outlets and support to help me manage how I am doing; it sets a pretty drastic tone in this house to be honest. The days are long and exhausting and I often feel like I do not know what to do.

I have written about anxiety many times here but I wanted to write this list that she gave:

Position Yourself (this can mean so many things....have a shower, get into bed, get on your knees in prayer, get outside etc)
Quiet Yourself
Stop Reacting
Think Things Through
A Frantic Heart Can't Help
Remind Myself of Who God Is
Know He Is Mighty to Save
Wait Upon Him

I would add in there ~
 take some deep breaths
Get a drink and a snack :)
Let everyone around you know that mommy is going to be okay but she needs a minute!

'My feelings and emotions are a great barometer and a terrible compass.'

This quote really stood out to me.
So often we stuff down our emotions as being too overwhelming or too whatever it is that they are. However feelings are vital, they are important, BUT they don't have to be the boss of you.

She also said

'You can't have bravery without fear.'

Emotions happen TO us it is what we DO with them that matters. To face them takes bravery and courage. I often need a counsellor to face all of these emotions ~ just to be honest. It isn't easy.

  One day I will be going back through my blog and reading all these little posts I have written here because they remind me of lessons I have been taught and have tried to learn. That is really why I write here. And one day this exact post will help me through a moment. I hope that if you have been struggling with anxiety and overwhelm as a mother, you realize you are not alone. Anxiety is everywhere. Being a mother is no piece of cake. It is draining, such a huge responsibility and so often isolating and lonely. On the other side of it motherhood is beautiful. It is the best teacher. Motherhood is a sacrifice that not just anyone can make. Motherhood is a gift.

   I really believe though that motherhood is meant to be lived out with other mothers. I think that we need our friends, our sisters, our own mothers (and mother in laws) and mentors to walk along side us in this journey. When we do not have this consistently and even when we do...hormones, lack of sleep, money issues, physical limitations, social media, past issues, they all affect the quality of every day life. Keep this in perspective when anxiety overwhelms and you feel like you can't go on. Ask for tips, for help, or encouragement! Remember that you were gifted these little ones and you are doing your best. Remember your worth. Remember that each day is just a day and you can start over again in the next minute, the next hour, the next day.

xo
Tansy

 

A Sweet Momma And Her Little Ones

What a glorious day. I am at one of my favorite places for the weekend and my sweet friend is due to have her last baby soon. We captured some moments and soaked in the beauty at the same time. Miracles are all around us ~

October's Light

  It is October once again and what a welcome month here in my corner of the planet. There are scarlet berries adorning deep shiny green bushes, October roses, leaves turning brilliant hues, wind swept clouds, hazy blue mountains, pouring rain, sun drenched fields, and the list goes on. Every time I leave my house and drive about there is a feast for the eyes every where you look.
    Some seasons are like that ~ full of color and joy and beauty. In this case the season of Autumn is preparation for a time of rest and in some ways death (for leaves), but also a time of deep nurturing to the trees and plants. Seeds wait to bloom, animals sleep deep or leave the area for warmer climbs. It is always always a good reminder that there are seasons to every life. The seasons don't stay forever but they teach us, nurture us, break us, and grow us.
May your October be beautiful and bright. Make great choices our there :)
 Maybe get a beautiful fall candle for your table or make a bouquet from the bright leaves?
Why not?
xo
Tansy