A Move

  I am thinking about moving because we are doing just that. I have a month to pack up all our possession and take them to our new place. We need to move a mountain. A mountain of our stuff. It is ridiculous really how tightly I cling to these possessions of mine. How much I feel attached to them and like I cannot possibly say goodbye. I have tried to be ruthless but really I am only telling myself that. I am going to try to pack it all again into this new space. The winter is starting to take its toll as it always does every year. The gray sky ~ it cries constantly and I wish to see that hope filled sky blue that I love. The grass is green but it can't glow the way it does in the sunshine. I am grateful to live where I do. The beauty is incredible but these days of rain really affect my mental state!
  So I am packing and packing, cooking and cleaning and counting blessings and being grateful to counter act the dismal gloom that wants to settle...soaking in the blessings that I have the life I do. I hope you have a good week. I hope you are doing well. Winter is on its way and so is the Christmas season. For some it is a time of holidays and skiing and happiness and for others not so much. I hope no matter what this time of years means to you there are happy moments and you realize you are laughing...and it feels so good.
Love Tansy

Remember and Hope

  It is Remembrance Day here where I live. We remember Soldiers who have died for our country. My family is a direct product of World War Two and it is something I don't take forgranted. When I try to imagine what that time period must have been like ~ having to say good bye to my husband as he goes to fight knowing that there is such a slim chance I will see him again....I just cannot fathom it and yet that is what so many woman had to do and still do. The need to rely on someone bigger than themselves rang strong during those years and now as we attend the ceremonies to remember ~ the hymns, prayers and ceremony remind me of the strength believing in God can bring.
  Death is so final. It means that an end has come. The breath leaves and the spirit departs and the ties we have had with that person are severed. It is so intense. I feel like the hope of Heaven in that sense is also such a gift. We may not be able to fathom what Heaven means or be able to understand why God 'allows' all that He does to happen. Our minds might fight to grasp and try to find meaning as to why we have had to suffer the great pain that we do or we have or we will. Yet through this life as we journey ever forward, each day growing older, we are never alone. We are not forgotten. We are precious and loved and we cant lose sight of that. We must keep hope strong in our very marrow. 
  We will all suffer ~ some more than others, we will all fight our own personal war with evil. We will all at some point become dust. We will be just a memory to those we gave our hearts to and who gave their hearts to us. Yet the beauty of that is powerful. We have been given all we need. We have been given this moment and we have been given gifts and here in this country ~ we are free.
  Thank you to my grandfather for all he sacrificed for me. I never met him but I know that the war affected him in ways I will never comprehend. He payed an unfathomable price for this country and for me. Thank you to my granny who waited for him as he battled, wrote him letters, and was faithful to him through all the hard years afterwards. Thank you to my great grandfathers who fought in the First World War.
  I want to overflow with gratitude. There is so much suffering and pain in this world. Cancer is everywhere, there is so much sadness and loss. I do not want to forget the price that has been payed for my life. A sacrifice on all levels payed by my anscestors and by Jesus.
xo

Loss

Love will lead me through
This dark despair
When I cant breathe
And pain floods in waves
Love will lead me through

Love will lead me through
Thought I don't pretend to understand
What is given in this life
Or why we suffer as we do
I keep holding on
Love will lead me through

Love will lead me through
Tear bruised eyes
Desolate soul
Aching spirit - my arms empty to soon
 Lord please....
Love will lead me through

Though I dont feel that love
Maybe right now
My body too tired to move
Though that love may seem too far
The sky too cloudless
Others' joy too full
I must know
Your love
In its' perfection
Will lead me through

~Tansy

Love

You're wonderful, creative, endlessly
Somehow I forget to see that
Because I take your word so literally
Forgetting who you are and all the facts
The History is written
And through time
People have put you and your beauty in a box
Your freedom and your grace are clear to me
But I've fought for that,
I've battled for the clarity.
Why have we forgotten?
Or did we ever know
The truth of the reality of your sacrifice?
Why were you a Jew?
Who are the chosen people?
And how did that turn into a church and a steeple?
We have a veil over us,
So often we are blind
The obvious demise of North American mankind
The comforts of our riches leave us fulfilled to a degree
That we don't search for more and therefore fail to see
Its not about the riches or the things we feel we need
It's my heart and your grace flowing through me
Your love and your forgiveness, your dying for my sin
Has brought everlasting freedom deep within me
So as you come to bathe the wounds from the guilt of my past
I guess its come to this and finally at last\
I hear the truth surround me and see the darkness cease
You're wonderful, creative, endlessly in time
Beauty from my ashes and the king of all sublime
The healer of the broken, the lover of my soul
And ultimately and perfectly you came to make me whole.

~Tansy

Salmon Spawning

Mom Mornings

   I think a mother's morning starts the night before and what I mean by that is if she has gotten any sleep at all. If she has not then there isn't really a morning per say it is just a continuation of the last twenty four hours that have never had any sort of break. Anyway every morning is totally different and yet every morning is exactly the same. You never know what life is going to pick up and toss at you yelling 'catch!' and you have to be on your game as best you can as you stumble or race to catch and do all that needs to be done.
  I have some sick children right now. As soon as the weather changes from sunshine to the driving rain and grey days it seems we can't keep sickness at bay. Last night my nine year old had a high fever and a very sore throat. I couldn't sleep and neither could he. The night was long and we made it through but I did not want to get out of bed in the morning. I was woken up by my eleven year old asking me if she could have chips in her lunch at about 6:30am. I begged her for the love of God to please remember that for the last three mornings I had asked her to not wake me up to ask me questions especially by waking me up just asking the question. One day she will understand...but not for a very long time. The baby was miserable because he has a deep cough and my milk as been drying up for some reason so he nurses and cries and so he was screaming at me and I wanted to disappear for a while.
  I eventually dragged myself out of bed because I know that every day these children need food and I need to shower (my shower is like my coffee kick). The children took a container of cashews and dumped it on the floor and proceeded to eat that for breakfast and I showered. I got my oldest to school but we almost hit a pedestrian which gave me a heart attack (just what I needed at 8am) but we hugged goodbye. I always feel successful if the hug happens. Often there is such a hurry to get to her next activity we forget.
  When I got home my sister was making bacon so that was the next step for breakfast. I tried to do my hair but got distracted at the disgusting state of the bathroom. A couple days before my six year old had decided to throw handfuls of baking soda all over the bathroom counter like snow I guess, and I had not gotten around to cleaning it up yet. So I started to clean that and then moved onto scrubbing the toilet. Somehow and I am not even sure how I caught sight of the baby streaking past the bathroom door and my heart sank. Of course, or course I knew that could not be good! I mean I was cleaning the bathroom and usually if I clean something, anything there is sure to be some sort of disaster somewhere else to hamper my efforts. So I grabbed him and yes he was covered in poo. I took him into the clean bathroom and started showering him off not wanting to face what was going on in the hallway because we have carpet everywhere in our house and I just couldn't. I mustered up courage after accidentally teaching the baby the word crap, so as he happily practiced his new word I went into the hallway. Miraculously he had peeled off his PJ pants and diaper ON the plastic changing pad that somehow miraculously happened to be in that exact spot in the hallway. The Lord DOES love me He truely does! So I gagged over that mess and got it cleaned up and got the baby re diapered and dressed and there is so much more to do. I need to brush everyone's teeth and get the nine year old to gargle salt water again. I had made everyone lemon and honey tea sometime in there as well. I need to do the six year olds hair and make sure everyone is in clean clothes and I need to remember to eat and I need to make them their next breakfast installment which is greens shakes.
  Mom mornings are intense every day. I remember waking up one morning on a one night get away with my husband. I felt so different. I had slept through the night for the first time in years and I woke up feeling relaxed. I had completely and totally forgotten how that felt. I realized that every day I wake up tense and ready for the onslaught of need. It is not a bad thing but a break from it sometimes is really lovely.
  Every mom who gets herself and her children up in the morning, gets them clean and dressed, feeds them and hydrates them, gives them some eye contact and connection and gets that day started.....that mom is a hero in my eyes.
  Now it is about 9:30am and my nine year old is telling me how last night he wished he had never been born because of the pain in his throat. The baby is re clothed for now. The six year old is wearing pink and white polka dot PJ pants and a green dinosaur PJ shirt and she is sure her heart moved to the other side of her chest in the night. My sister is brushing her teeth getting ready to head out to her job and I had to sit down to write before I moved on with the rest of the day.
  I hope your morning went well and you have a great day. There is much going on in the world and it is often the dark parts of it that are highlighted.  I hope you can make your part of the world wonderful today.Congrats on getting through the earlier part of the morning!!!
Love Tansy

  

A Beautiful Wedding

Fairies came and decorated an old hall for a wedding reception. They had exquisite taste and I was dazzled.