Saturday, 30 October 2021

Scattered Brain

  I walked down the road today in the dim trying to catch those last rays of sun on my face before it slipped behind the mountain. It seems these days my mind is in more of a flurry than ever. Is this because everyone is getting older? There are so many things just always in my mind:

Dont forget the testing to go to on Monday.

We missed our last soccer on Friday, that sucks so much, but that's life. It's okay.

What would the perfect gift be for her?

What would be fun games for an eleven year old's birthday party? Please brain think! You've already thrown two eleven year old birthday parties surely it's not this hard!

I need to ask him again to please put a shelter over the chicken food.

Oh dear, the cats! The cats need food too.

What to make for dinner and what to feed them all tomorrow?

Is she having fun and is she feeling okay while she is gone?

Oh God please can you help her through this?

Okay, my body is aching,

It is so cold today ~ do I have gloves for everyone? I know I need new boots for her, does her coat fit? He needs new pants and socks. 

I HAVE to schedule those dentist appointments

Oh yes, his Halloween costume. Why do I always put these things off!

I wish I could bake a pie.

He needs his nails trimmed I can't forget!

I wish I could sleep, just for a few hours

The sun is fire right now and that dusting of pink is so glorious. 

Okay I have to get back and get that cake made


This was a small portion of it all. It is 10:26pm and my children are not asleep. One day they will all be grown but I wish there were bigger windows right now where I could enjoy it all in a different light. 

Just being honest

xo



Autumn 2021 Awe and Wonder

 October has this bright and glorious feel to it amongst the endless rain and windy days. This is primarily because of the leaves. So here are some pictures of some leaves that made my heart happy.
















It is sort of like a fairy tale is it not? The smoke lazily curling up from the chimney, the wrap around porch, the leaves in their glory? It was special to be there and be in it all.




Friday, 15 October 2021

Me

                                            A beautiful birthday moment by the ocean
 

Baby number five arrives safely in my arms

 Spring Tulip fields, my first time seeing them in all their glory and my soul is on fire with the beauty of it all.

                                           Out for dinner at a most special place to me.


                My stint as a ballerina. It didn't last long but it was glorious and horrid all at once :)



                         Long long hair and my babe with hair the closest color to my own.

                                                          

                                                               A vintage dress that I adored



                                           By the Ocean is where I feel the most like myself




                                  A sad moment in my life that has had impacted me forever.


                  Surrounded by what I treasure...antiques...reminders of a different era


At the fall fair with my sister. Happy happy happy

A rainbow baby coming ~ my body at full capacity and so exhausted ~ and grateful

                                                    
                                                 She safely arrives ~ telling the children



                                                     All of my heart earthside


Beautiful moments captured by my husband



                                                 Up in the mountains nursing my baby


                                        At one of my favourite places not too long ago ~ 


There have been so many seasons ~ and these are pretty recent ones. I look back and see who I was, what I was going through, and think, this is life. 

This is all of us. All these seasons, all these stages, and we give so much of our selves, we have so much we can learn, we can bloom. Often there are things tying us down, holding us back, clipping our wings, or trying to stifle us and yet are we not all not survivors? Fighters? Are we all not made to see, feel, and express from our depths? So when I look back and see all of these photos and all these moments...I am so thankful. 

It might be good once in a while to do that ~ just take an honest look back ~ and see how you are changing, aging, blooming, fading 

and know that you are why this world is here. 

Autumn Days

 Autumn Time

This year I was not in the mood for Autumn. I guess I mean I felt a bit overwhelmed at the thought of all the rainy days. We are blessed with a house I love but for all of us it sometimes feels a bit crowded on rainy days and a lot of fighting occurs. On a good day in life there are still pressures. Right now life's pressures are hysterical. So fighting and rain and grey skies and being indoors makes for crazy days. I wasn't in the mood ya know? But here is the thing. Something in me just can't help but respond to the call of Autumn. The beauty outside right now is full on. Trees that are sporting coats in three hues, whole hillsides in scarlet and fields in that fresh green that comes after the heat of Summer. Silvery leaves in skittery piles all over the ground or that golden yellow that draws your eye up. Begrudgingly I am loving Autumn. The geese valiantly winging their way through stormy skies towards warmer climates, and sweet Chickadees hopping through bright leaves finding grubs and seeds. The rainy nights are soothing and I've been making soup when I have the energy. Homeschool is in full swing and birthdays are busily being planned. I am thinking ahead to Christmas because that is who I am. I don't want to get caught off guard and with all the unknowns swirling around out there. I want to be as prepared as I can. This Autumn I will not be going to craft fairs again. Our country has implemented something I do not and never can agree with in order to force people to do something they may not feel safe or good doing. These actions have made it so there will be things that I may wish to do but refuse to do in order to protest these mandates by my government. I have been thinking about craft fairs in the past and how my heart welled up with joy amongst the creativity and outpouring of talent and beauty.

 Oh, may your Autumn be filled with something other than stress and rain. May there be crisp sun drenched days filled with laughter where you know that you know no matter what happens love will lead you through. And may that be so. May love lead you through. 

Love Tansy





Friday, 10 September 2021

Freedom

   I feel like I am sitting in my History twelve class learning in much detail about World War Two and the slow process to its explosion. Like I am sitting there in my chair, as my teacher expounds in great detail on the story, and I am wondering how did people not see this coming? How did they not care? How were they so duped by it all? I had trouble sleeping. I envisioned my grandfather so young, so full of it all, just being traumatized day after day, but fighting fighting fighting and not backing down...for GOOD. He believed in freedom. 

 I kept thinking did they not feel the evil creeping in? Did they not see it with their eyes? Did they not hear it with their ears? And how did it come to the time when millions had to die to snuff out the evil? We would never go there again....would we? I foolishly felt a sense of safety. That somehow people would be smarter.

  And now here I sit again, in my car, or on my couch, or in my bed, and I see and hear the hatred and evil that is being spewed forth about innocent people making a decision that has been theirs to make for a very long time because they have autonomy over their own bodies. People who are not deranged, not cruel, not hedonistic, not stupid, not racist, not unworthy....but yet that is what is being said about them. They just might have felt safer to wait a bit longer to see if there were negative long term effects or had antibodies that have been very helpful throughout time.  Oh but they should die, not be allowed health care? These things are being said in newspapers, online, by my country's leader and it is hate. It started out by there needing to be certain strict actions for two weeks to flatter a curve. The curve was duly flattened. 

  Once again as I see people turn on each other, on their families, their best friends, I hear the propaganda over and over again, I am wondering how do people not see this? Not care? How are they so duped by it all? And there are so many thousands of people suffering on such a grand scale on so many levels emotionally and physically. Why are we going there again? Why. Is this really necessary? Are we really that inept?

Wake up oh sleeper

  There are so many lies and hysteria out there and there is much darkness. There is also a lot of logic, appropriate knowledge, wisdom, and truth out there too. Truth brings freedom, truth brings life. 

  I encourage you to wonder, to ask questions, about both sides of what is happening; because this is on a GLOBAL scale impacting every country in the world. I encourage you to not just listen to mainstream media and to ask yourself when you decided that mainstream media and politicians were more qualified to make decisions about your health that have very little scientific backing than doctors who have studied the actual issues being continually discussed for years and years. Ask yourself why doctors are being silenced, why health care workers and many other people are losing their jobs? They are not scary, wild, illogical questions really are they? Why are university professors and police officers and the list goes on losing their jobs over something that has not been able to be studied long term? Why are there ZERO exceptions? Why is there so much coercion and cruelty? Something is going on here. Something dark and sinister, something far greater than meets the eye. It is something that cannot be stood for. Our forefathers sacrificed so much for freedom. It is about freedom. It really is about freedom. 

Freedom


Thursday, 9 September 2021

Thoughts on a Old Growth Forest

 Excerpt from my car journal:


   Once a few years ago I stood in a forest where the trees were hundreds of years old. They were so immense, the roots everywhere. They had withstood countless fires and storms. There was such an atmosphere there ~ such a stillness ~ such a communion. There had been so many things these trees had witnessed, and I could feel it all there ~ the lingering of it, and also a steadfast peace you don't feel in a young tree grove. As they grow and their roots grow there is a knowing in them that you can feel. They KNOW all is well ~ they live in wellness ~ they trust and live out that trust. The Ocean lives it out and the age old trees, and who I am ~ this trust and peace calls to me and tells me things I don't understand but simply love. All of us were created to feel it ~ to be filled with it ~ to love without the words. It empties out the dross and gives us glimpses of true light. And when that comes the essence of us and the simple joys we felt when young have a place again. I remember my moments of freedom as a child ~ of deep welling joy ~ and I think it's because I felt a communion that I did not often feel. A communion with the moment and with my surroundings and with beauty. 




Saturday, 4 September 2021

A Blackberry Memory

We were walking on a small bridge

The little ones were skipping or scootering or running

And she was commenting about the potential of them falling

And suddenly I smelled

Blackberries

And everything else faded into the background

Back my mind flew to a different day

When I was their age (the ones skipping, scootering and running)

And I wasn't tired and worn pushing a large buggy

All it took was a sweet aroma

To bring me back to that happy moment

A different era

Where nary a cell phone existed

Where there was no internet

We had no TV, not a single screen was in my life

And I was one of the last ones to get to live that life

A different sort of freedom

Where I rode my bike

To a large blackberry patch

With some best friends

Trespassed a little

And picked buckets full for pie,

I felt wistful remembering

Maybe even a little teary eyed

And then I came back to the present

To the bridge

And the voices

 And the children