If We Were To Earn Trophies In Life ~ We Would Be Getting One ~ And Shouldn't We All at Some Point

   Today my husband is back to work after six weeks off. This is the most time he has ever spent with the children and I and because we were away together for most of it he was really 'with' us. He wasn't getting called away to check out a job site or spending hours on his phone distracted, he was just with us. I feel like it took us sixteen years to get to this time. There were not many years ago when we could barely leave the house because of anxiety attacks or exhaustion and it seemed the trauma just kept compounding. Our trip was by no means perfect. However my husband and I have been able to work on gaining perspective, self awareness, better communication and building bridges towards each other. It has been a horrible hard road though through the thickest of mire. I often felt hopeless and lost. I thought we would not get through, and often questioned if I wanted to, if it was worth it? Men and woman are so vastly different in so many respects. It takes such a laying down of self, such a work in creating healthy boundaries, such an excavation of why you are who you are, to create a healthy relationship that has moments of such brightness and clarity through the grime of every day life. 

  When that work starts it is going to take a long time. It takes so much energy and often your body goes through periods of physical break down as the years of pent up emotional strain and trauma start to try to come forth. What is buried deep down must come up at some point, it always does. It will not stay buried. This is for your own good. 

  This trip would not have been possible even last year. I felt much trepidation about this trip. I had put many boundaries in place in so many areas for my own sake to feel well enough to even embark on it. The fact that it was SUCH a success for me personally is such a huge triumph. A triumph! I am pretty  much jubilant with the triumph of it all. 

  A few years back my family and did an epic unplanned hike to a high mountain top. Our youngest was just freshly three and it took us hours to get up to the top. When we did it I felt this sense of deep accomplishment because we had done it. We had done it together and done it well. This trip was the same. Though there were moments of deep frustration, and though there were pretty sick kids at one point (chickenpox), and though there were some pretty cold rainy days; though I spent many hours sitting and nursing a baby in an RV....it all paled in comparison to the happiness we felt and also how blessed our souls felt at the end of our journies. 

  I guess I am writing this to say that maybe for some families heading out on a big vacation looks very different. It may be as simple as asking the question...where do we want to go? The tickets get booked and they pack and head out. For us this trip was our entire marriage in the making. It was years of helping children navigate stress and anxiety and trauma and working towards some sort of healing. It was years of working on our relationships. It was saving saving and saving money. It was purchasing an RV and working very VERY hard to earn the time off from work. If we were to earn a trophy in life for accomplishments our family would be getting a big one right now. I wanted to encourage you if you are maybe not where we are right now but are in a similar place to where we were not that long ago...that the fight for healthier relationships, for healing from past pain and trauma (that affect you every day even if you dont have the self awareness to recognize that yet), that better boundaries and self awareness, are WORTH the slog to get to. It is WORTH it and for me to be able to experience the benefits of it so clearly the last month and a half brought relief.

 May you find strength to continue on your journey with you head held high and your heart on fire. May you be blessed by precious moments gifted to you from nature but really from your Creator. May you know your worth and your value. May you find your preciousness if it has been lost. May you see the hope in the blueness of the sky and feel the comfort of the love that surrounds you no matter how dark things are.

xo