On facebook women are putting 'Me Too' as their status raising awareness about the fact that they have been affected by sexual abuse. Oh the darkness and heart break that this world holds for women and at the same time oh the darkness and heart break this world holds for men as well. This horrible and despicable treatment of woman by men reaches in and shatters them to the core of their being.
Being a victim of sexual abuse myself, and being deeply affected by it for many many years, and seeing the damage it has done throughout my family and knowing that other woman in my family have suffered as well through the generations ~ just brings up so much grief. There is so much negative sexual crap that surrounds the history of my family and many many other families out there.
Purity is beautiful but it is something that evil despises. Guilt is something that taints and degrades and yet so many live in and under it.
To all of you that have been hurt in despicable ways by men ~ I understand and so yes ~ me too.
I send my love to your wounded soul and hopes that you are and have been able to heal. I hope you are able to be surrounded now in your life by men who choose respect and purity. I hope that you have chosen to see your worth and value, not through any man, but through your creator and through the work you have done to know all the beauty that is you and all that gifts that you have. You are worth it. We all are. Know your worth and speak it over your life and over others lives ~ you ~ YOU are beautiful and worthy of love and respect!!! No one can ever take that from you no matter what they do to you. It is your gift alone from the one who has always loved you the best. I am sorry for the pain you have had to go through because of other's darkness. It wasn't fair, it isn't fair. It was wrong every single time.
Let each woman rise in all her strength and courage. Let every woman's voice ring clear ~
These acts, this darkness will not define us. We will not be guilty or ashamed. We are strong and we are courageous and we are always loved.
Monday, 16 October 2017
Saturday, 14 October 2017
Life in Pictures
Here we are just living life ~ in sadness and in joy ~ we live.
A rock museum being set up
Little touches that bring so much beauty
Blowing the candles out on a new year to make a wish
Sunny October skies out the window
Ready for another party
More candles ~ more celebration ~more wishes
His first time playing 'pass the present'
Friends in the making
Creativity flowing from fingertips to paper
Daddy is trying to light the pilot light back there and this cow girl wishes she had a real pony
Happy October to you xo
Only Love
An excerpt from a book I am reading.
'Hinds' Feet on High Places'
'Only love can really understand the music and the beauty and the joy which was planted in the heart of all created things.'
This makes sense right? When we feel loved everything has such clarity. Our eyes are opened in a different way and there seems to be less of a veil between all that we see that is in front of us and all that we can't see that is in front of us as well. Pure and true Love opens up our souls, illuminates our spirits, and draws us closer to the one who loves us the best.
I feel like creation (flowers, trees, streams, all of it) is one big love story and everything has a part in it. If we just took a bit of time to listen and to feel and to really see ~ so much would be different in our hearts.
Have a lovely Sunday ~
Tansy
'Hinds' Feet on High Places'
'Only love can really understand the music and the beauty and the joy which was planted in the heart of all created things.'
This makes sense right? When we feel loved everything has such clarity. Our eyes are opened in a different way and there seems to be less of a veil between all that we see that is in front of us and all that we can't see that is in front of us as well. Pure and true Love opens up our souls, illuminates our spirits, and draws us closer to the one who loves us the best.
I feel like creation (flowers, trees, streams, all of it) is one big love story and everything has a part in it. If we just took a bit of time to listen and to feel and to really see ~ so much would be different in our hearts.
Have a lovely Sunday ~
Tansy
Wednesday, 11 October 2017
Hosting A Succesful Dinner For An Anxious Family
Happy Tuesday :)
I am due to drive my oldest to guitar lessons in fifteen minutes so I am typing quickly. I think the rest of my crew is watching TV. The weather is rainy and the sky is grey but the clouds are blowing along and I can see hints of lighter clouds above and I know that the beautiful blue is always above it all.
We had our family Thanksgiving lunch yesterday. I have to say that these family get togethers seem to be improving slowly but surely. Since we are an overall anxious family these type of get togethers can be a complete disaster and in the past they usually were. There were many times it would have probably been better to just not have them at all. Someone would be sure to be fighting somewhere and another person would be having an anxiety attack in another room. They were pretty bad honestly. However we have never given up trying! Why? Ultimately I think it boils down to the fact that everyone wants to feel loved and hopes that if we all get together something lovely could potentially happen. It has taken years to get to the place of lovely but it is here ~ not always ~ but this get together was.
I feel like I have some tips to help an anxious family have a successful get together. I figure why not share them. I do not know all but I have learned some things thankfully! Here they are ~
Number one:
Recognize that your family does indeed struggle with anxiety.
If you have family members who are very explosive or withdrawn and you have to tip toe around them they probably struggle with anxiety. If you have any chance to kindly share with them in a calm and peaceful moment about anxiety...probably the best through something very non confrontational and maybe giving examples from you own experiences....bring some self awareness to them about their anxiety.
OR you can have a family gathering or send out a group email bringing awareness about fight, flight or freeze responses that the body goes through in stress. People don't need to be singled out but you can stress that you personally have been learning about this and it has helped you and you wanted to share what has been so helpful.
I say this because our family has gone through different levels of realization about anxiety. Everyone has had their own journeys, but yesterday we went for a walk as a family ~ this is very rare and it actually may have been a first. My sister laughed and commented about how funny it was to be going for a walk with a high anxiety family; as different ones were freaking out about cars coming and just worried overall about safety etc. There was yelling and laughter. We got through it and had a lovely walk, but it was so much better to be able to laugh and recognize what was happening rather than feel threatened from reactions and actions of others. We didn't feel offended or overwhelmed just aware of what people were feeling and struggling with. When we had no idea about what anxiety was, not that many years ago, when we got together everyone was in their own world over come with anxiety and in old patterns and it was a disaster. There was a lot of different fight or flight reactions and we all left so drained and sad.
SO from my own personal experience ~ self awareness really makes a difference!!
Number two:
Be organized
If you have the tables set, the food ready and some simple non stress things for people to do when they walk in ~ it makes a difference. When your family walks in you want them to feel safe and like the environment is pleasant. IF no one is sensitive to scent (although with high anxiety families someone is pretty much sure to be!) you could have calming essential oils diffusing or a candle lit that has a sweet calming smell. There could be very quiet classical music playing. Yesterday I did NOT do a good job of that as my stove had shut down just minutes before everyone arrived and I was trying to get the last things cooked up. The family walked into stress, BUT everyone managed well and we survived. Sometimes having coloring on side tables, a bouquet of flowers to look at, something for the children to focus on so that they are not wildly running around is very helpful. There are subtle simple things that can be done to help people feel safer. Usually out of control children is a huge trigger. There has to be someone that is willing and capable of helping children self regulate, keep safe, fed, and happy. It helps things immensely.
Number three:
The quiet room
Have a room that has low lighting, soft blankets to sit under, a music option or TV that is quiet and that people who are feeling flooded and overwhelmed can retreat to. It makes a huge difference. You can even put a sign on the door! So many anxious people cannot handle crowds for too long. It doesn't matter if it is family or not! If they have a safe place they can go deep breathe in and sort of bring them to a place of calm they might enjoy the family time rather then just be trying to get through.
Number four:
Knowing intentions/expectations are important
With these gatherings people are hoping for something. There are often expectations that may be unrealistic. These family gatherings can be such a let down or so sad for families that are not close, do not get together often, or have lingering bitterness and sadness towards other family members. As adults this is something that each individual must deal with themselves. However if you realize the roots of some of these issues going into a family gathering, and understand where people are coming from it can help with the flow of the meal of the gathering. Sometimes just being up front with everyone and honest (not at the dinner but before hand with the invitations) about your hopes for the dinner and your expectations around it can give your family a fair chance to decide if they truly feel they want to attend or feel capable. You want to feel loved and connected as a family because that is the desire of everyone deep down. However some families are just not capable of that for multiple reasons. It is nice though to give everyone a chance to choose to be respectful and not bring up certain hot topics for example to make the meal a success.
Here is the thing as well ~ YOU might have so much knowledge and capability but your family may not. You cannot control that. It is sad and not easy to face these facts. We all want a close knit loving family unit that understands us, loves us for who we are, and accepts us. When this is not possible maybe just invite some friends that are able to be those things for you :) Unless you can handle having a dinner with family and not have needs fulfilled.
So that is the essence of what I have learned and what I am attempting to implement in my own clumsy way.
All the best with your family dinners ~
Love Tansy
This is the first time she was able to really help with the meal. She is six almost seven. She is such a sweet heart!
This meal would not have happened without my sweet twelve year old. She helped tirelessly and it gave me a glimpse of the future. She made homemade buns and chocolate tarts and cinnamon buns and did so much cleaning. I felt so much more capable with her by my side!
This is a bit of the meal ~ the turkey JUST done as everyone arrived as the oven had shut down for a while before we realized a fuse had blown.
Not a lot of time to just sit and talk but a bit. It was a beautiful day.
We did a little time of going around saying what we were thankful for and we managed almost perfectly other than a couple little hick ups.
Here is most of my extended bio family on our walk.
Here is our little family unit.
I am due to drive my oldest to guitar lessons in fifteen minutes so I am typing quickly. I think the rest of my crew is watching TV. The weather is rainy and the sky is grey but the clouds are blowing along and I can see hints of lighter clouds above and I know that the beautiful blue is always above it all.
We had our family Thanksgiving lunch yesterday. I have to say that these family get togethers seem to be improving slowly but surely. Since we are an overall anxious family these type of get togethers can be a complete disaster and in the past they usually were. There were many times it would have probably been better to just not have them at all. Someone would be sure to be fighting somewhere and another person would be having an anxiety attack in another room. They were pretty bad honestly. However we have never given up trying! Why? Ultimately I think it boils down to the fact that everyone wants to feel loved and hopes that if we all get together something lovely could potentially happen. It has taken years to get to the place of lovely but it is here ~ not always ~ but this get together was.
I feel like I have some tips to help an anxious family have a successful get together. I figure why not share them. I do not know all but I have learned some things thankfully! Here they are ~
Number one:
Recognize that your family does indeed struggle with anxiety.
If you have family members who are very explosive or withdrawn and you have to tip toe around them they probably struggle with anxiety. If you have any chance to kindly share with them in a calm and peaceful moment about anxiety...probably the best through something very non confrontational and maybe giving examples from you own experiences....bring some self awareness to them about their anxiety.
OR you can have a family gathering or send out a group email bringing awareness about fight, flight or freeze responses that the body goes through in stress. People don't need to be singled out but you can stress that you personally have been learning about this and it has helped you and you wanted to share what has been so helpful.
I say this because our family has gone through different levels of realization about anxiety. Everyone has had their own journeys, but yesterday we went for a walk as a family ~ this is very rare and it actually may have been a first. My sister laughed and commented about how funny it was to be going for a walk with a high anxiety family; as different ones were freaking out about cars coming and just worried overall about safety etc. There was yelling and laughter. We got through it and had a lovely walk, but it was so much better to be able to laugh and recognize what was happening rather than feel threatened from reactions and actions of others. We didn't feel offended or overwhelmed just aware of what people were feeling and struggling with. When we had no idea about what anxiety was, not that many years ago, when we got together everyone was in their own world over come with anxiety and in old patterns and it was a disaster. There was a lot of different fight or flight reactions and we all left so drained and sad.
SO from my own personal experience ~ self awareness really makes a difference!!
Number two:
Be organized
If you have the tables set, the food ready and some simple non stress things for people to do when they walk in ~ it makes a difference. When your family walks in you want them to feel safe and like the environment is pleasant. IF no one is sensitive to scent (although with high anxiety families someone is pretty much sure to be!) you could have calming essential oils diffusing or a candle lit that has a sweet calming smell. There could be very quiet classical music playing. Yesterday I did NOT do a good job of that as my stove had shut down just minutes before everyone arrived and I was trying to get the last things cooked up. The family walked into stress, BUT everyone managed well and we survived. Sometimes having coloring on side tables, a bouquet of flowers to look at, something for the children to focus on so that they are not wildly running around is very helpful. There are subtle simple things that can be done to help people feel safer. Usually out of control children is a huge trigger. There has to be someone that is willing and capable of helping children self regulate, keep safe, fed, and happy. It helps things immensely.
Number three:
The quiet room
Have a room that has low lighting, soft blankets to sit under, a music option or TV that is quiet and that people who are feeling flooded and overwhelmed can retreat to. It makes a huge difference. You can even put a sign on the door! So many anxious people cannot handle crowds for too long. It doesn't matter if it is family or not! If they have a safe place they can go deep breathe in and sort of bring them to a place of calm they might enjoy the family time rather then just be trying to get through.
Number four:
Knowing intentions/expectations are important
With these gatherings people are hoping for something. There are often expectations that may be unrealistic. These family gatherings can be such a let down or so sad for families that are not close, do not get together often, or have lingering bitterness and sadness towards other family members. As adults this is something that each individual must deal with themselves. However if you realize the roots of some of these issues going into a family gathering, and understand where people are coming from it can help with the flow of the meal of the gathering. Sometimes just being up front with everyone and honest (not at the dinner but before hand with the invitations) about your hopes for the dinner and your expectations around it can give your family a fair chance to decide if they truly feel they want to attend or feel capable. You want to feel loved and connected as a family because that is the desire of everyone deep down. However some families are just not capable of that for multiple reasons. It is nice though to give everyone a chance to choose to be respectful and not bring up certain hot topics for example to make the meal a success.
Here is the thing as well ~ YOU might have so much knowledge and capability but your family may not. You cannot control that. It is sad and not easy to face these facts. We all want a close knit loving family unit that understands us, loves us for who we are, and accepts us. When this is not possible maybe just invite some friends that are able to be those things for you :) Unless you can handle having a dinner with family and not have needs fulfilled.
So that is the essence of what I have learned and what I am attempting to implement in my own clumsy way.
All the best with your family dinners ~
Love Tansy
This is the first time she was able to really help with the meal. She is six almost seven. She is such a sweet heart!
This meal would not have happened without my sweet twelve year old. She helped tirelessly and it gave me a glimpse of the future. She made homemade buns and chocolate tarts and cinnamon buns and did so much cleaning. I felt so much more capable with her by my side!
This is a bit of the meal ~ the turkey JUST done as everyone arrived as the oven had shut down for a while before we realized a fuse had blown.
Not a lot of time to just sit and talk but a bit. It was a beautiful day.
We did a little time of going around saying what we were thankful for and we managed almost perfectly other than a couple little hick ups.
Here is our little family unit.
Sunday, 8 October 2017
Your Dreams Matter
Do you feel like other's around you really KNOW you? Especially the people that 'should' know you? Do you find that they shut you down when you venture or dare to talk about your dreams. Have you been told you couldn't do something or couldn't handle something you felt like you could and you really wanted to get a chance to try? Something that you have previously handled?! Maybe you didn't handle it well in their eyes or the way they thought you should but you handled it!
This morning,
If that is you
I wanted to reach out to you and say ~
Stand strong ~ shoulders straight, eyes up, firm resolve okay
You know yourself! You see your struggles hopefully and your weaknesses,
And if you feel hesitation or worry or anxiety or like you have been shot down in your dreams
Well, part of becoming mature is learning about who you are
And then taking ownership and standing strong in that!
You do have dreams right?
I sure hope you do
because they are important
Please
Do NOT let other people, no matter how close you are to them, and who they are
crush your heart
Your heart has not been made to be crushed
Your heart has been made to be celebrated, seen, rejoiced in and loved!!!!
Your dreams are important ~
Hold that close today
Happy Thanksgiving from me to you
You are amazing
Love From Tansy xo
This morning,
If that is you
I wanted to reach out to you and say ~
Stand strong ~ shoulders straight, eyes up, firm resolve okay
You know yourself! You see your struggles hopefully and your weaknesses,
And if you feel hesitation or worry or anxiety or like you have been shot down in your dreams
Well, part of becoming mature is learning about who you are
And then taking ownership and standing strong in that!
You do have dreams right?
I sure hope you do
because they are important
Please
Do NOT let other people, no matter how close you are to them, and who they are
crush your heart
Your heart has not been made to be crushed
Your heart has been made to be celebrated, seen, rejoiced in and loved!!!!
Your dreams are important ~
Hold that close today
Happy Thanksgiving from me to you
You are amazing
Love From Tansy xo
Saturday, 7 October 2017
Thankfulness and Thanksgiving
Here where I live it is the Thanksgiving Weekend. That means we cook a turkey and many side dishes and families can gather together if they like doing that kind of thing and people eat. a. lot.
It is also a time where you can reflect on your blessings and be filled with thankfulness.
Today the sky was a bluey grey and sometimes rain fell in sheets. Other times the sun shone through and illuminated everything. Every rain drop shimmered especially beautifully. The leaves are beginning to turn crimson and mustard yellow and that beautiful burn orange and grass is green again. Everything is giving that glorious last show before Winter sets in.
I got up and went grocery shopping at eight in the morning because I knew that the stores would be unbearable today. I felt fragile while there. I saw a girl who inspired me the other day as she walked down the street looking so beautiful. I was driving my van. It was full of garbage and I was unshowered and wearing such ugly clothes. She looked so pretty and I was feeling so low. So ugly. So tired. I went home and showered and put on nice clothes and it was because of her. So I tried to tell her about it in the store but I just started crying.
It was a relief to get home and get the groceries put away and focus on my sister and her birthday. She turned thirty three today. This year her husband was desperately sick and dying and now he is so much better. She has a beautiful baby and there is just so much to be thankful for. We celebrated her and that was lovely.
Life is a mess you know. A mess that is sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly. Each life is ones own. However in almost everyone's life there are others who make life better and more worth while. There are people that we give our love to. This weekend as I feel a bit fragile I am trying to sort this out; my intentions in my relationships, my hopes for the future, and my thankfulness for today.
I hope your weekend, where you live, is lovely. If you wish, take some time to reflect and be thankful and let the thankfulness bring you peace and fullness as it is meant to do,
There is life in thanks giving.
Love Tansy
It is also a time where you can reflect on your blessings and be filled with thankfulness.
Today the sky was a bluey grey and sometimes rain fell in sheets. Other times the sun shone through and illuminated everything. Every rain drop shimmered especially beautifully. The leaves are beginning to turn crimson and mustard yellow and that beautiful burn orange and grass is green again. Everything is giving that glorious last show before Winter sets in.
I got up and went grocery shopping at eight in the morning because I knew that the stores would be unbearable today. I felt fragile while there. I saw a girl who inspired me the other day as she walked down the street looking so beautiful. I was driving my van. It was full of garbage and I was unshowered and wearing such ugly clothes. She looked so pretty and I was feeling so low. So ugly. So tired. I went home and showered and put on nice clothes and it was because of her. So I tried to tell her about it in the store but I just started crying.
It was a relief to get home and get the groceries put away and focus on my sister and her birthday. She turned thirty three today. This year her husband was desperately sick and dying and now he is so much better. She has a beautiful baby and there is just so much to be thankful for. We celebrated her and that was lovely.
Life is a mess you know. A mess that is sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly. Each life is ones own. However in almost everyone's life there are others who make life better and more worth while. There are people that we give our love to. This weekend as I feel a bit fragile I am trying to sort this out; my intentions in my relationships, my hopes for the future, and my thankfulness for today.
I hope your weekend, where you live, is lovely. If you wish, take some time to reflect and be thankful and let the thankfulness bring you peace and fullness as it is meant to do,
There is life in thanks giving.
Love Tansy
Monday, 2 October 2017
Connecting
Have you ever gone somewhere and started talking to someone ~ quite randomly ~ and found them to be your soul mate? Maybe for some this is common? I really do not know. I know for me it has only happened a handful of times. When it did I wished to have that person in my life forever. It felt so wonderful to find someone who UNDERSTOOD so many little things about me that most people just did not!
Yesterday our family went to a birthday party and this is not something that happens all that often.While there my shy and very unique little ten year old son found a soul mate in the form of a nine year old boy. Both boys are homeschooled and both boys love and I mean love, with all there is within them, animals and nature. They talked for probably over two hours. I heard things like....'well do you ever howl? Because sometimes I howl at night'. The response was, 'well I can mimic chickens, I have practiced quite a bit.'
Now in my mind I would imagine other children mocking or laughing at this rather adorable conversation but they both were so serious. I heard...'did you know that bottle nose dolphins make a trail for their babies to follow?' ' Did you know there is a tree in Africa where elephants store food?' 'Did you know that penguins recognize their baby's call out of thousands of others?'
This just went on and on. My son is quite anxious and really did not want to come to this party. He left so happy that he had gone.
These moments in life are so precious. We are created for relationship and to feel understood and known and valued for who we are.
It is so precious and remarkable to stumble onto or to be with those who truly get us.
I was blessed to observe this amazing moment in my son's life ~ the bonding of two total strangers at a party full of so many people....and they found each other.
Have a wonderful week
I hope you have many happy and fulfilling connecting moments, because those moments are where we feel like our best selves and that is how we are supposed to feel! It fills us full.
Love Tansy
Yesterday our family went to a birthday party and this is not something that happens all that often.While there my shy and very unique little ten year old son found a soul mate in the form of a nine year old boy. Both boys are homeschooled and both boys love and I mean love, with all there is within them, animals and nature. They talked for probably over two hours. I heard things like....'well do you ever howl? Because sometimes I howl at night'. The response was, 'well I can mimic chickens, I have practiced quite a bit.'
Now in my mind I would imagine other children mocking or laughing at this rather adorable conversation but they both were so serious. I heard...'did you know that bottle nose dolphins make a trail for their babies to follow?' ' Did you know there is a tree in Africa where elephants store food?' 'Did you know that penguins recognize their baby's call out of thousands of others?'
This just went on and on. My son is quite anxious and really did not want to come to this party. He left so happy that he had gone.
These moments in life are so precious. We are created for relationship and to feel understood and known and valued for who we are.
It is so precious and remarkable to stumble onto or to be with those who truly get us.
I was blessed to observe this amazing moment in my son's life ~ the bonding of two total strangers at a party full of so many people....and they found each other.
Have a wonderful week
I hope you have many happy and fulfilling connecting moments, because those moments are where we feel like our best selves and that is how we are supposed to feel! It fills us full.
Love Tansy
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