Childhood (1)

  There are certain freedoms children often have that adults have learned to constrain or reform. I have been looking through pictures of my children and am seeing these constraints coming over my oldest. This is largely due to school where she is mocked and ridiculed for anything deemed stupid or immature or whatever. I want to celebrate and remember the freedom of childhood. The overwhelming joy, the immense sorrow, the anger...all of it as it flows unchecked from sensitive souls full of feeling and depth.

  Every part of your body is a genuine discovery and miracle! A belly button??!!! Who knew!!!

When you go outside you don't just walk and look, your gather, you imagine, you explore and you remember and you have so much fun that when it is time to go home you sob with sadness.

Just a simple walk turned into exploding joy and so much fun ~ casting off your shirts and crab walking and running running running in the middle of the road.

             Just a park playground ~ but you are so full of happiness you can't contain it

   You put on whatever clothes you want to and you feel amazing every day. You have no idea what fashion or style is.

                      You run and leap and scream and laugh with joy pretty much every day

The wind in your hair, rocks under your bare feet, water and wood all around equals contentment and hours of happiness

                                   You try to taste the wind because why wouldn't you

                                       When you see an old tire you just hop right in

You love the kitten but yet you feel threatened by the fact that you have always been the smallest and now she is...so you are not always kind

            You lose your two front teeth but that doesn't stop you from anything at all

              You never ever think of shoes or clothes. If you could be naked all the time you would be

                               Every emotion plays on your countenance. Nothing can be hidden

                                  You are happy and beautiful and free every day if possible

                                                                          So much joy

                                     You think you can do anything you try ~ and so you do

A pool of water  no matter how big or small is fun on a hot day. You just make it work

                                             You run and run and run with your tongue out

Exercise

 Good Tuesday :)

  It is still morning and my three oldest children are at Vacation Bible School. If you are a woman who has have ever been affected by hormones and sleep deprivation you may be able to relate to me. I have been going through the ringer because of these two things for YEARS. There has been a lot of other factors as well. Anyway this has caused a lot of anxiety and depression on a GOOD day and on the bad days it gets too much to bear. The last bit of June was my worst hit in a very long time. I almost did not make it through and I am completely serious about this. There were tiny moments...like my husband bringing me home Sunflowers, and going up to the mountain I love, and making Daisy chains... that helped me hold on, but I couldn't handle everything. If you are just suffering from hormones...I love you and feel your pain so so clearly. I am sorry. It is rough and so unfair too!

  Anyway I am doing a bit better right now and the sun is out but it is not blazing hot yet and so I decided to work out! I have also been taking some vitamin B12 and calcium and some homeopathic drops for my liver hoping that this well help me next month. However I am not eating well and that is so important for me. The working out today though...especially with only one child and a kitten 'helping,' and not all five of them...was so freeing. I feel so good in this second. It doesn't mean I wont crash in ten minutes and just want to sleep. However I want to be honest in this blog (and I am) no matter how many posts are 'down' and not so upbeat or whatever. This blog is called Soulshinethrough and to me that means honesty ~ the essence of who I am shines through. Shining, but not always bright, which maybe doesn't make sense but oh well!

  Today I worked out!! (Trim Healthy Mama Workins is what I did) YAY! Last summer I managed to work out outside three mornings a week (with a trainer) and eat zero grains, very limited dairy, no sugar (honey only for a sweetener) and I lost weight and felt amazing. My hormones did the best they ever had since I had had cancer when I was twenty two. Why didn't I keep that up? Well rain came, my trainer quit, we moved, lots of snow came and Christmas, I got pregnant and I was sick, and then I lost the baby and since then its been a personal shit storm for me.

 So lets see if I am now rising from the ashes? I think that just for this moment I'll feel like I am. It is okay if I go down again because I know, I see, I realize so clearly, that I ALWAYS get back up. Things beat me down often okay. I have hit rock bottom many many times and felt like I was done.
Beauty from ashes is a huge part of me.
Beauty from ashes

If you have the strength to do some exercise today I hope you can
You are lovely
xo
Tansy

I Just Keep Taking Pictures

More Beauty

This is a tea cup from my great grandfathers house. He used to drink tea from this very cup...because back in the day ~ there was a tea time ~ and people sat and savored lovely tea.

I got this tin for two dollars from a 'tin' sale. I went into a stranger's home and two men were selling vintage tins and baking. I could not have spent a better two dollars.

Oh these chairs make me smile every day! They were given to me by the previous owners of this house and it feels so right to have them here.

                                             This was my friend's grandmother's cup.

                        My little six year old asked for this for her birthday. I adore baskets.

                                              This is on a mobile in my daughter's room.

I Can't Resist Flowers

 At this point in my life I post many pictures of flowers. This is because they delight my soul and I just love taking pictures of them. So here are yet more flower pictures and other things I have been taking pictures of as late. xo

My husband came home last Sunday with some Sunflowers as I was really feeling quite down. He was so thoughtful.

                                    These are my Pioneer Woman bowls. I adore them!

                                         A bouquet from my friend Laura from her garden.

My friend just brought this to me from another friend. I have wanted an old collander for a long time. Why have I wanted one? I do not know but I sure love this one :)

                My oldest got everyone up and dressed for Canada day :) She did a great job.