Just Be You

  It is so easy some days and then so hard other days to just be okay with being me. I am a certain someone and it is a result of all the years of my life that have formed me. What I love about my children is their total unreserve in being who they want to be. They are perfect reminders. As they grow older they have more and more moments of uncertainty about if it's okay to be themselves. However there are so many more glorious moments of them feeling free and happy to just be themselves and it remind me as well...to just simply be me!
  So today if you are struggling with who you are ~ take a moment and breath deep and think of all the best parts of you and go with it!!

                           This teeny tiny turtle is his granddaughter so he says...

Having the absolute time of his life at my brother's wedding when he needed to be sedate and quiet

                                                    Just going for a walk/skate..

                                                    Trying out being a doctor for the day

                                             Being a master builder/train operator

                                          Why wouldn't you just sit down in a tire?

                                All the hours with snails and spiders and bugs and little cars

                                               Me feeling like an authentic me

                                                                      Trying out dancing

                                                    Supremely happy with some pet snails

                                                                       Outfit on point!!!!

                                                   Wind in your hair wild and free

Pictures and Love

'Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.'
St. Augustine

Love

  The other day I left my town and went to photograph my dear friend. She is going to wean her very last baby and wanted me to attempt to capture some moments they shared together. I always feel wary of my abilities with my camera and my lack of all knowledge in regards to photography, but at the same time it is always for free and my friends know there are no guarantees! The day turned out to be glorious. Total perfection! We had had grey rain for days and days. Grey skies with rain or so much more gloomier than grey skies with snow ~ have you noticed that? So the sun felt like a benediction of hope and life.

  I drove out to her town which is about an our from mine and we started taking pictures right away. It was so precious. They light was beautiful and the love her baby has for her is intense and sweet and all that it should be really.

Still Water

  Still waters run deep. I just read this sentence and I have read it in the past and love it.

  A couple weeks ago my husband decided to go running with me at 6:15 in the morning.My other running buddy was not able to come and I was not about to go alone as I didn't feel safe. I asked him to come fully expecting a no ~ and he said yes. That morning it was dark out (as usual) and raining hard (as usual). We started at a crisp walk and I babbled on and on about not much really. He was quiet, getting quite damp in the rain as he had not dressed in multiple layers the way I did. He could not wear runners because he has a damaged foot and so was wearing hiking boots. I usually start to run when I reach a portion of my route that has gravel rather than pavement and so after a time I started running. He ran with me. Before we started running, and were walking in the dark in the pouring rain past a mighty river and a still slough, up atop a dyke surrounded by fields and his parent's large yellow house...we held hands for a moment. That so rarely happens anymore. Holding hands seems to me like a quiet sacred joining of souls somehow. So often all around is loud or there is an unspoken tension. But that day he was my still waters. Other days I am his. Somedays we are raging angry crashing waves. There is no part of perfection in it all except for the fact that as time goes on and I feel all is grey and he feels all is rose colored glasses ~ we continue on together. I was so thankful for that moment in time, that rainy morning where he gave to me of his time, and his hand. We had only exercised together maybe twice before in almost fifteen years. Real and sacred quality time with him is a rare thing. It was full of blessing.

Yesterday was Valentines day. I tried to have zero expectations and solely focus on what I was choosing to do for my family ~ not what others might remember to do for me. I did just small small things but hoped hearts would feel remembered and warmed. However there was a moment when I was writing a card made by a certain artist. Something about this artist has caught my heart and I am thankful whenever I get a chance to purchase a pack of her cards. As I was writing a wistful thought whispered through my mind ~ I wished someone would think to give me a card by this artist. It was totally impossible really. I did not voice it. I did not think on it again. I just wished it so briefly. I continued on with my day. When my husband came home later that evening I was chatting on the couch to a friend. He gave me a bouquet of flowers which honestly did not wow me all that much. They were fine but not truly beautiful to me. He also handed me an envelope. I casually opened it still really in conversation with my friend. When I looked at the card I could hardly believe my eyes. The card was made by the artist. My wish had come true. My husband literally had no idea it was by her ~ the card had just reminded him of me. I NEEDED to feel known by him this Valentines day. I needed to feel remembered by God I realize now as well. I still am in shock. The artist is a local mom and I have only been ever able to find her cards at craft fairs. For him to stop at a flower shop he has never gone to before and to find this one card by her....was beyond special. He is my still waters that run deep.

When you feel so done with your marriage; when you have finally realized that you can never change him to be who you hoped he would be; when you feel like you can't take another second of it all ~ Ask God for help. He really does care. Present all the good your partner is to their personal creator (God), to the one who knows their hearts and souls so much better than you ever could. Ask for a miracle, for a favor, for blessing, for help. It Shall Come ~ I have seen this with my own eyes ~ but often you need to remember to truly ask and not lose hope.

Happy Valentines ~ One day late
Love Tansy

A Poem From Grandma For You

Wood Violets

I knew where the wood violets grew
In shady, sheltered places.
They all wore pretty purple hoods
To hide their tiny faces.

I looked for them in early spring.
I knew where I should seek,
To find them shyly peeping out
In woods beside the creek.

I did not like to pick them
Because it seemed to me
If fairies chanced to be about
This was where they'd be.

~June Green

A precious precious gift my mother and grandmother imparted to me was the incredible joy of remembering and knowing where to look for the very first flowers of Spring. It is something you have to search for. I know where I can go find Violets very soon and they are under a great old tree in town! My mom already has a Snowdrop on her little sill above her kitchen sink she has found a day or two ago. My mom rejoices every Spring at the sight of her first Robin and never fails to give us the news. Do you know the joy that comes with those first signs of Spring? These are tiny precious moments to rejoice in and they are just around the corner ~ some are already here!
xo Tansy

Life Is Grand In January

While out my window the view tends to be mist and fog and grey ~ inside tends to look like this....

                                                  Cheery cozy PJ's :) all the live long day ~

                                                Friends and cousins for dinner is pretty fun!

 
                                Popcorn every day with butter and salt and nutritional yeast.

                   An Accordion and a work jacket...what could possibly be cuter than this moment!?

                                              He was telling me this is his 'granddaughter'.

We are cozy and dry at nights with kittens to warm our feet. What really is there to complain about?