If Your Child Can't Read Yet...It Will Be Okay

   I come from a long line of 'readers' on my mom's side. I remember when I went to school in grade one I was put in some sort of special group because of my excellent reading abilities. I never considered I would have children who did not like to read and who could not read well. I just assumed they'd read like champs because I did....well that was not to be!
   I married a man who is brilliant....and who is dyslexic. Apparently all my children are blessed with his brain type and so reading is not much of a priority, joy or goal to any of them. Reading is a challenge for people who's brains are wired this way for various reasons and so to a young child...why would it be a priority?
   I really fought this and mourned this and had a lot of issues with this for a very long time. I have homeschooled my children at various stages and ages for various reasons. As a result of this I took my children's lack of reading interest and skills personally. It was so hard not to compare to my friends and others who's children were reading and writing and doing so well at ages of four or seven or wherever and my children who were much older still couldn't tell you what all the letters of the alphabet were. I was stresssssed out. I felt like a failure. It wasn't for lack of trying. I was doing most things right I was pretty sure.
  I read a book called' The Right Side of Normal' and I also listened to a talk or two that other seasoned homeschooling mothers gave and all this assured me things would work out fine in the end. I tried to accept the fact that my children may never love reading independently but I still held onto hope. I was told that by about the age of ten my children might start wanting to read and putting together all the pieces of the puzzle I had imparted to them over and over again through the years. I was told to try not to stress or force things to happen...but I did.
  Well by age ten for my oldest daughter...that was not the case. This girl can cook a dinner for any number of people, she can sew, knit, craft, bake and learn instruments like no tomorrow but reading was just not her thing. She COULD read but it took a lot of work and focus. It was not enjoyable. I tried to focus on the fact that she could do so many other things and do them well. However I still harbored this little sadness that unless I bought books on CD and she listened to them she'd never get lost in all the wonderful worlds I did. I felt like she'd have stunted vocabulary and all the other things threatened for people who don't READ...
   Fast forward to the winter she turned twelve. For the two previous years her teacher at school had been working hard at encouraging her reading skills but she still only read if she had to at home. At Christmas holidays she got really sick. During that time she was so couch bound she got desperate and asked me to read to her. We ended up choosing a book called 'Farmer Boy' by Laura Ingalls Wilder. This book has many descriptions of delicious sounding food and she was hooked. That Christmas was a busy time and it was hard to carve out uninterrupted time to read to her and she got annoyed and.....took over reading the book by herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the end of Christmas break she finished it and went onto to read more books in the series. She has now read four books in the series. There is double sweetness in this for me. This is one of my favourite series of books and I felt a lot of grief that I couldn't read it to her (she was one that did not want to have to sit and listen to a book either). I had a friend who had read this series to her child multiple times by the time her child was probably about six and it was hard for me to hear that. So to have this series be the first my sweet girl chose to read made my heart so happy.
   I have learned some lessons in this journey and it is important to remember them because I have three more children coming who need to at some point in their journey learn to read!
   If they are not keen on sitting at a desk or sitting and listening to you read...it is okay.
Buy all the classics on CD or down load them and listen to them every time you drive, or before bedtime or during quiet time.
 Anne of Green Gables, Swiss Family Robinson, Wind in the Willows, The Secret Garden, Little House on the Prairie, Winne the Poo, are just a start but they are awesome.
  Some children just learn better visually so get them into Reading Eggs or Starfall or some such thing on the computer.
  Get them to make letters out of playdough and say the names and sounds to you or write the letter on a big piece of paper and get them to glue dried beans on it in the shape of the letter. Get them to circle that letter in a word search book as many times as its on the page, trace it on a cookie sheet full of salt or corn starch. None of these are too labour intensive but it helps a dyslexic brain recognise the letters in the way it needs to. There needs to be that foundation so that one day...when they decide they WANT to read...and they decide they CAN read...they will able to do it.
  Try not to force or fight when it comes to learning to read. It causes set backs and other negative things and I know this from experience. Make it relaxed and not forced.
  Most importantly this child is not you. Yes your children are a reflection of you but they are their own person. They might love to sit and read for hours by the time they are five or maybe they will color in their highchair for an hour when they are one, or maybe they will be painting like a pro when they are six...or maybe they wont. Maybe they will want to spend endless hours in make believe play or outside on the trampoline or learning about animals of the world on a DVD, maybe they will never love coloring and maybe their writing might be atrociously messy and maybe they wont read till they are twelve and they might never LOVE to read at all. Take heart. It will be okay.
  My husband never became a reader. He can read but it is a challenge and he would rather watch a YouTube tutorial then try to read directions. He has always learned hands on and that is how his brain works. He is bright, empathetic, creative, talented beyond measure, hard working and giving. Not being able to read like a pro has not stunted him in any way.
  A friend of my husbands and myself from highschool used to get his notes ripped out of his binder in grade twelve because his writing was so messy and he had our grade twelve English teacher convinced he could not read. He was never a strong reader or scholar during his highschool years. Today he is a university professor, he has a Masters Degree and is a successful investor and loving husband and father and still professes to not be a strong reader.
  My daughter has decided she likes reading and during holiday times spends quite a bit of time reading. I am grateful for that but if it had never happened it would have been okay.
  My ten year old is just starting to push himself to learn to read. I get asked many times a day by him what such and such spells. He is also starting to write more. This is slightly just ever so slightly encouraging my six year old to be just a tad more awake when I am trying to impart the sound that Q makes for the five millionth time. My two year old thinks ever letter is A and that is that. I have a long journey ahead of me :)
  This might not be very brilliantly written but it comes from a heart that has struggled with a lot of insecurity over this matter. One day your child might learn to love to read and at the same time he or she might never learn to love to read and that is okay. It will not stunt them or hurt them or impede their development as long as they are in an environment of love, nurture, encouragment and opportunity. They will thrive where they are precious and loved.
xo