Thirty Five? Really!

Thirty Five. That is the age that greeted me on Sunday the 23rd of April.
Was I glad to greet it?
Well not exactly, but after weeks of angst and not being able to sleep until the wee hours of the morning on the 22nd I woke up and tried to greet it kindly.
I realized that for heavens sake time is flying by and I'll be forty so soon and hopefully as time goes on I'll feel like thirty five was still dangerously close to nineteen.
Some people just glide through ages and stages and look flawless. There just isn't a lot of sagging or color fading or anything else that seems to be going on and then there are the real people and I am one of them
So be it you know? So be it.
 Things have changed so dramatically since I turned thirty and I am not talking about my bodies' aging process although when I look at pictures of myself I feel like I'm a stranger. I am talking about my LIFE! I have moved four times since then (all in the same town). I have had a baby who was nine pounds at birth (my biggest baby by far) and I have breast fed him for two and a half years now which is the longest by far that I have ever nursed any of my children. I have lost friends and I have gained some. I have gone through grief and joy and I have learned a lot. I have become a lot more confident in the decisions I make as a parent. I have consistently home schooled two children this last five years and have battled chronic low energy and sleeplessness. My marriage has taken some hits but we are still going strong. So here I am thirty five and I am just going to think about tomorrow. It is Wednesday. That means my oldest goes to school and then to Nana's and I have the three youngest at home. I need to cover Math, Printing, Science, Reading Eggs and the list goes on. My sister is coming out with her little one at some point and my daughter has a presentation in the evening. Thinking past that just gives me a headache.
  Last year on my birthday I desperately wanted to go to the ocean. I did. I guess I had some goals for the year as well (my friend reminded me of that) which sounds so noble of me. I so appreciate her reminding me because my goal was to try to embrace motherhood more fully. In trying to get up the energy today to think about if I was able to that...I realize that yes that is exactly what I did in this last year. My world got smaller and smaller and I did less and less outside of mothering. This was out of sheer necessity and it has made a difference for my children. They are doing better in so many ways. This year I have not thought of any goals. I had my 'word' in the New Year which was Surrender and I have done lots of that this year and I will continue.
So happy birthday to me
And if you have had a birthday lately ~ Happy Birthday to you! Keep being you and go forth in all that you are :)
Love Tansy