A couple nights ago I read a book by Francine Rivers. It is her newest one and it is called 'The Masterpiece'. She wrote it with the intention of exploring childhood trauma and how that trauma affects individuals as adults.
I had no really clear notions about trauma (that specific word and what it meant) probably until I was in my twenties. After I experienced a miscarriage and subsequently cancer and chemo I think I started to feel the effects of trauma deeply. When we adopted our eldest and had our first biological child then I really started to try to understand what trauma was because I was suffering and then so were my children. Some of the best resources I found were by a lady named Karyn Purvis. I found out about her from a lady who is a foster mother and was able to attend a conference where she was speaking. There are many many resources now and so much more knowledge around trauma then ever before. What a blessing this is.
Trauma at any stage in life sucks. When you are a child though, and have no tools to form words around it or process anything, how do you get through it? You can essentially get 'stuck' in your brain at that age even though your body might still continue to grow. Sometimes the way you respond to certain situations may seem normal to you but to others you are acting very very young, even though, for example, you are twenty five years old or sixty. If you are prone to temper tantrums or deep depression or are unable to control certain habits...the list goes on...you may be dealing with some unresolved trauma. We may not remember it, our mind may have repressed it but our body may be telling us things need dealing with.
We need to listen.
Realizing you have gone through trauma and deciding to attempt to allow your body to deal with this fact can be quite a journey. Dealing with and working through hard things from your past are just not easy. A lot lot lot of people just never can. They don't feel strong enough, they don't have the tools or awareness, and for their entire life they just shove it down, look the other way, lash out when necessary, or form addictions, or just do whatever they need to do to get through life. So be it. Fair enough. However, they usually pass down the effects of the trauma, the ripple effect, to their offspring and the on the cycle goes.
Deciding to deal with trauma is just purely brave.
And here is the kicker...in our society is there time to 'deal' with trauma? Are you given months, years even, to grieve, rest, sleep, seek constant support and heal? It took you how many years to get to this spot? This exact moment in time where you decide you want to deal with some of these lingering wounds? Well, it might just take a lot longer than you think for the wounds to heal. We tend to have such impatience. We tend to give ourselves a couple weeks and a few counseling sessions and if there is not a miracle cure we blame others or throw our hands up in the air and decide it is all failure and get right back into whatever cycles we had gotten into to cope with the effects of the trauma. You'll need to give yourself time and be okay with a long process. Patience, self care, love, support, love, exercise, cleansing, peace, love...you get it...is all needed in large doses for a wounded soul to heal. The pain is hard, you want to get it away, it is scary ~ yet when it is dealt with and healed....the freedom is pure beauty.
Most of us are wounded in some way shape or form. Most of us need a lot of love and support to get through life. Some of us just feel like we don't have that. Here is the kicker, we have to make that happen then. We have to tell ourselves the truth that we just might need to pay a counselor to ask us the good questions and to care for us through it. We might just have to pay for a life coach, a personal trainer, whoever it is...to help us through. If we are stuck at some point in childhood that is not going to be what feels right (having to work to pay someone). We will want some sort of parent figure to take control and we will want to form some co dependent relationship ~ do you get what I mean? Growing up means taking responsibility for our issues. That does not mean that what happened was our fault. It just means that they are our own issues now and we need to deal with them.
I have realized that the reasons I want to heal is because I really do not want to pass down certain behaviors to my children. I have failed in so many ways as a parent but who hasn't. I am so thankful I have been given the chance to learn about trauma, and that I have words around it. I am thankful I can form clear thoughts and have more self awareness. As time passes I also have realized I want to heal for myself as well.
Healing brings rest for that weary battered soul.
It takes time
It is usually a long rough journey and that is okay!
After reading 'The Masterpiece' by Francine Rivers I remembered yet again the work I have done in my life and the work still to be done in regards to healing. I was reminded how each soul's journey is so unique.
I also was reminded that the ultimate healer is Jesus and that he provides so many opportunities to find healing. We just have to take that outstretched hand and say yes.
xo
Tuesday, 27 March 2018
Still No Cleanse
In Response to some questions regarding the liver cleanse.
When my husband did the cleanse he got directions and supplements from our naturopath doctor. It is important to have all the drops and pills she recommends to take with it because they all support your digestion, breaking down the stones, killing of parasites and candida and more.
The drink that I have been making consists of a big glass of cold water, a Tbsp. of apple cider vinegar (from a bottle that states 'with the mother' on it) a tsp of powdered ginger and a pinch of stevia. It gets a lot easier to drink as time goes on. It is pretty intense at first.
I still have not gotten up the nerve to do the cleanse. Three days before you do it you can't consume any fat and that is stalling me I think. This is so bile builds up. However I have felt strong for a month in regards to food and have eaten so little sugars, carbs and dairy it has been awesome. I can see how my body is benefiting.
Something I have noticed that when I exercise less I crave sugar more. So lately I have been eating more sugary things but have not been exercising. So back to exercising I go tomorrow. I need to stay strong!
It has been raining here and so cold. It is really really REALLY getting me down. I am so thankful for a cozy bed, children who are old enough to look after themselves and help each other, and just the chance to rest when I feel crappy. I feel like too many people I know are headed to warm places for vacation and I just want to go as well.
I am going to try to finish this cleanse in two weeks.
I will keep you posted as to how it goes.
When my husband did it, he said it felt like many many marbles going through his intestines. I am nervous about that as well! You can see the stones since you 'pass' them all. The whole thing just sounds disgusting and yet so amazing for your body! Imagine getting rid of all those parasite bodies and candida which the stones are formed around.
When my husband did the cleanse he got directions and supplements from our naturopath doctor. It is important to have all the drops and pills she recommends to take with it because they all support your digestion, breaking down the stones, killing of parasites and candida and more.
The drink that I have been making consists of a big glass of cold water, a Tbsp. of apple cider vinegar (from a bottle that states 'with the mother' on it) a tsp of powdered ginger and a pinch of stevia. It gets a lot easier to drink as time goes on. It is pretty intense at first.
I still have not gotten up the nerve to do the cleanse. Three days before you do it you can't consume any fat and that is stalling me I think. This is so bile builds up. However I have felt strong for a month in regards to food and have eaten so little sugars, carbs and dairy it has been awesome. I can see how my body is benefiting.
Something I have noticed that when I exercise less I crave sugar more. So lately I have been eating more sugary things but have not been exercising. So back to exercising I go tomorrow. I need to stay strong!
It has been raining here and so cold. It is really really REALLY getting me down. I am so thankful for a cozy bed, children who are old enough to look after themselves and help each other, and just the chance to rest when I feel crappy. I feel like too many people I know are headed to warm places for vacation and I just want to go as well.
I am going to try to finish this cleanse in two weeks.
I will keep you posted as to how it goes.
When my husband did it, he said it felt like many many marbles going through his intestines. I am nervous about that as well! You can see the stones since you 'pass' them all. The whole thing just sounds disgusting and yet so amazing for your body! Imagine getting rid of all those parasite bodies and candida which the stones are formed around.
Thursday, 22 March 2018
Trying Trying Trying...To Do A Liver Cleanse
I don't know if you have ever done a liver cleanse? My husband has and he found it very helpful. I have known for years that it was something I needed to do. I had chemotherapy in my early twenties and have never felt amazing since that time. I know that the liver slowly accumulates stones as does the gall bladder and that if I do a cleanse I can flush a lot of those out of my body and free my liver and gall bladder to operate in greater health. Why would I not do this? I have had so many reasons.
The number one reason being my great addiction to sugar. This has held me back every time. To do this cleanse you first want to do a general parasite cleanse and candida cleanse. This is because every stone in your liver and gall bladder has a parasite at its center. It is disgusting to think about. Anyway so you do a couple weeks of no sugar, low dairy and low gluten and for me anyway, carbs overall, as that is what parasites and candida live off of. I have been off sugar and gluten and dairy almost exclusively for at least three weeks. I have been trying to kill the candida by taking probiotics, taking drops that are supposed to help kill the candida and it was not working. I then started making a drink with apple cider vinegar, ginger, and stevia and drinking a cup a day and that with the probiotics seems to be working. I am hoping every parasite will die die die!!
This particular cleanse then also calls for four days of drinking apple juice mixed with special drops that shrink the stones, and then three days of eating no fat so that bile can build up. After all this you do the cleanse which is quite simple although you have to drink olive oil with grapefruit juice and Epsom salts (at different times). I am very nervous about those parts of the cleanse. Since starting this way of eating I don't think I have dropped any pounds but I can feel that my clothes are getting bigger and my stomach is less bloated. I also feel like my head is lighter in a good way ~ less fog! The reason I felt strong enough to eat like this in the first place after months and months of not feeling it was that I started to get up early and work out three mornings a week. After doing that for a month one day I woke up and was able to choose to say no to sugar in all forms. Some days I have cheated a bit and those were days I really wanted comfort. I am not sure when I will get up the nerve to do the actual cleanse. Apparently you pass hundreds of stones. I know after my husband did this cleanse his allergies cleared up immensely. This cleanse is most effective if you do it three times over the course of six months. I only plan to do it once....but who knows. I would love to be kind enough to myself to do it more than once. My liver has gone through a lot so far! Have you ever tried any sort of cleanse? I have done other cleanses with quite overwhelming results but not a specific liver cleanse.
FYI
Some gentle ways to cleanse your liver ~
You can take milk thistle or dandylion supplements
You can bath in Epsom salts or just soak your feet in water with Epsom salts
You can drink water with lemon squeezed into it
These will just bless your liver in general
Have a great rest of your week ~ Love Tansy
The number one reason being my great addiction to sugar. This has held me back every time. To do this cleanse you first want to do a general parasite cleanse and candida cleanse. This is because every stone in your liver and gall bladder has a parasite at its center. It is disgusting to think about. Anyway so you do a couple weeks of no sugar, low dairy and low gluten and for me anyway, carbs overall, as that is what parasites and candida live off of. I have been off sugar and gluten and dairy almost exclusively for at least three weeks. I have been trying to kill the candida by taking probiotics, taking drops that are supposed to help kill the candida and it was not working. I then started making a drink with apple cider vinegar, ginger, and stevia and drinking a cup a day and that with the probiotics seems to be working. I am hoping every parasite will die die die!!
This particular cleanse then also calls for four days of drinking apple juice mixed with special drops that shrink the stones, and then three days of eating no fat so that bile can build up. After all this you do the cleanse which is quite simple although you have to drink olive oil with grapefruit juice and Epsom salts (at different times). I am very nervous about those parts of the cleanse. Since starting this way of eating I don't think I have dropped any pounds but I can feel that my clothes are getting bigger and my stomach is less bloated. I also feel like my head is lighter in a good way ~ less fog! The reason I felt strong enough to eat like this in the first place after months and months of not feeling it was that I started to get up early and work out three mornings a week. After doing that for a month one day I woke up and was able to choose to say no to sugar in all forms. Some days I have cheated a bit and those were days I really wanted comfort. I am not sure when I will get up the nerve to do the actual cleanse. Apparently you pass hundreds of stones. I know after my husband did this cleanse his allergies cleared up immensely. This cleanse is most effective if you do it three times over the course of six months. I only plan to do it once....but who knows. I would love to be kind enough to myself to do it more than once. My liver has gone through a lot so far! Have you ever tried any sort of cleanse? I have done other cleanses with quite overwhelming results but not a specific liver cleanse.
FYI
Some gentle ways to cleanse your liver ~
You can take milk thistle or dandylion supplements
You can bath in Epsom salts or just soak your feet in water with Epsom salts
You can drink water with lemon squeezed into it
These will just bless your liver in general
Have a great rest of your week ~ Love Tansy
Hobbies
The other day my son was expounding on his hobbies and his sister's hobbies and his little brother's hobbies but in the way that he was saying he didn't really know WHAT they had has hobbies. I told him a whole list of interest of each child and he was quite amazed. Then I started to think to myself of, if asked, what my children would say I was interested in. I imagined the list would be...washing dishes, vacuuming, folding laundry, brushing people's teeth, going on Instagram and that would probably be the extent of their list. Through the years I had hobbies and interests and for the last couple years nothing has really appealed to me ~ unless sleep could be a hobby. That would appeal to everything within me. I have been so drained. It might sound ridiculous to say but lack of sleep makes all of life seem quite overwhelming and grey. Doing anything creative seems impossible. Even carrying on decent conversation that has any sort of interest seems like too much effort.
However, a girl has moved onto our property and she is reminding me by how she lives her life, that at one time in life I had things I loved to do as well! So I have been thinking about sewing myself a linen dress or skirt. I have fallen in love with linen over a random series of events. I found a linen dress in Winners last year and bought it and it immediately got ripped in the wash and I wore it anyway. It was just such a breathable wonderful fabric in the heat of Summer. A couple months ago I found another linen dress at a store and purchased it. I adore it. It has just got me thinking how much I'd love to sew something myself. I have not sewn for a lot of years now. The last time I tried to do this I tried to sew two skirts and failed miserably. It was another moment when I had only two children I think and I wanted to feel creative. No skirts ever were made although parts of them were, and this time I want to sew something to completion. I have pretty much zero confidence in sewing but my oldest daughter has every confidence in the world and the girl that has moved in with us also has confidence so I figure between the three of us I may be able to produce something wearable.
I feel like doing something like this will be a huge boost of confidence. I deeply deeply admire those who honor their creativity and put time and energy into their hobbies. I also see how inspiring it is and that it is something that has to be constantly worked on.
I will keep you updated. I probably wont brave a fabric store with all four children in tow. I have attempted it before and all the color and texture is wildly stimulating to the senses. It ended with two little people wildly running and laughing through the beauty unable to contain themselves and I was red faced trying to capture one then the other to safely escape. I kind of vowed that that would never happen again. SO....I will probably try to get away one weekend with just my oldest.
If you are at a place where hobbies are just a normal beautiful part of your life...you are blessed. If you are like me and trying to come back to a place where you feel like one simple hobby might not put you into the grave...bless you!!
Love from Tansy ~
However, a girl has moved onto our property and she is reminding me by how she lives her life, that at one time in life I had things I loved to do as well! So I have been thinking about sewing myself a linen dress or skirt. I have fallen in love with linen over a random series of events. I found a linen dress in Winners last year and bought it and it immediately got ripped in the wash and I wore it anyway. It was just such a breathable wonderful fabric in the heat of Summer. A couple months ago I found another linen dress at a store and purchased it. I adore it. It has just got me thinking how much I'd love to sew something myself. I have not sewn for a lot of years now. The last time I tried to do this I tried to sew two skirts and failed miserably. It was another moment when I had only two children I think and I wanted to feel creative. No skirts ever were made although parts of them were, and this time I want to sew something to completion. I have pretty much zero confidence in sewing but my oldest daughter has every confidence in the world and the girl that has moved in with us also has confidence so I figure between the three of us I may be able to produce something wearable.
I feel like doing something like this will be a huge boost of confidence. I deeply deeply admire those who honor their creativity and put time and energy into their hobbies. I also see how inspiring it is and that it is something that has to be constantly worked on.
I will keep you updated. I probably wont brave a fabric store with all four children in tow. I have attempted it before and all the color and texture is wildly stimulating to the senses. It ended with two little people wildly running and laughing through the beauty unable to contain themselves and I was red faced trying to capture one then the other to safely escape. I kind of vowed that that would never happen again. SO....I will probably try to get away one weekend with just my oldest.
If you are at a place where hobbies are just a normal beautiful part of your life...you are blessed. If you are like me and trying to come back to a place where you feel like one simple hobby might not put you into the grave...bless you!!
Love from Tansy ~
We Welcome Spring
The first official day of Spring arrived and it was cloudy and overcast here. We still wanted to celebrate so we tried to go see a local water fall that we love and the gate to the park was closed. We had been prepared for that possibility and we went to another favorite place called The Cheam Wetlands. When we pulled into the parking lot we could see a pair of elegant Swans far out on the water. The mountains made a magnificent backdrop and because it was a grey day the Swans looked especially luminous. We ran to the look out and enjoyed the sounds of Geese, Ducks and other birds singing to each other. We then went down a path and found some Pussy Willows which is definitely a sign Spring has arrived! There were no leaves out but there were leaf buds. Later in the day we went to a garden store and enjoyed the many bright blooms there. We had a wonderful and simple first day of Spring.
Happy Spring to you! If you live close to the equator this might not mean all that much to you but to us with grey long rainy months and times of deep snow this Season is full of hope and beauty. Enjoy the rest of your month of March :)
These are fun Spring cupcakes we had at a wedding shower for my newest sister. I did not make them but enjoyed them immensely!
It was my husband's birthday this month and we know he loves ice cream cake. He gets quite sick unless the ice cream has pretty pure ingredients so we made him an ice cream cake. It was our first attempt and my daughter made homemade cookies for the crust plus home made fudge and caramel sauce and it was absolutely incredible.
My son came back from a hike and brought me these. Pussy Willows remind me of walks with my Grandma and also of my mother. I love them. This was my grandmother's vase.
The castle being built behind our back yard is coming along. On the right you can see a large wooden cone shaped object. That will be mounted, with a crane, on the circular part of the house with all the windows. It will be so high that you will be able to see it from miles around.
Here they are! Violets!!!!!! And they are in my very own front yard and ALL over my neighbors yard. It is magical!
Sunlight streaming through blesses me to no end!
Happy Spring to you! If you live close to the equator this might not mean all that much to you but to us with grey long rainy months and times of deep snow this Season is full of hope and beauty. Enjoy the rest of your month of March :)
These are fun Spring cupcakes we had at a wedding shower for my newest sister. I did not make them but enjoyed them immensely!
It was my husband's birthday this month and we know he loves ice cream cake. He gets quite sick unless the ice cream has pretty pure ingredients so we made him an ice cream cake. It was our first attempt and my daughter made homemade cookies for the crust plus home made fudge and caramel sauce and it was absolutely incredible.
Here they are! Violets!!!!!! And they are in my very own front yard and ALL over my neighbors yard. It is magical!
Sunlight streaming through blesses me to no end!
Monday, 19 March 2018
A Lovely Place
This weekend my husband, mom, sister and I went and visited a truly lovely place. I will post some pictures so you can have a taste of where we were. This place used to be a wilderness experience guest ranch and it has such a unique beauty. It was originally built in 1930. It has a mountain guarding it behind and open fields in front. Across the road are trails that lead into the hills where lakes and views abound. We had a wonderful day.
This is a view down the driveway
This is an apple orchard waiting out the Winter snow
The exterior wall of the home
Inside there is an open concept kitchen, living room, dining room
This shows the front door, dining area, the living room is behind that wall where the kitchen sink is in the corner
This is an upstairs sitting area
Upstairs has many small bedrooms for guests to stay in plus a front deck and back deck and full bathroom.
Another little sitting area upstairs
This lodge has a very narrow curved stair case that is pretty amazing
A random little mouse house
The view from behind the kitchen ~ there is an old fashioned cook stove just in case you lose power
The view standing by the front door of the dining room area.
Here is the living room
Just part of the décor
The front of the lodge ~ Spring has yet to find this area of the world
The main house, carport and a large room that the owner used to teach English to guests from other countries
A two seater outhouse. One side for the ladies, the other for the men
The hay loft section of the log barn
Amazing craftsmanship that stands the test of time
The tack room in the barn
A sweet horse named Belle
This is the Trapper's Cabin that is beside the car port with a shower room on the side.
Inside the Trapper's Cabin
I can imagine that Spring in this part of the world is extra magnificent
An old tree house needing some love.
This is not on the ranch but on the drive to the lake that is close by. I wanted to document that this might have been this treasure's last winter standing.
And here is the lake. It is incredibly beautiful.
This is the river that is also very close to the ranch
This is a view down the driveway
This is an apple orchard waiting out the Winter snow
The exterior wall of the home
Inside there is an open concept kitchen, living room, dining room
This shows the front door, dining area, the living room is behind that wall where the kitchen sink is in the corner
This is an upstairs sitting area
You can see a bit of the living room, the dining room table and a tiny bit of kitchen counter from this view.
Upstairs has many small bedrooms for guests to stay in plus a front deck and back deck and full bathroom.
Another little sitting area upstairs
This lodge has a very narrow curved stair case that is pretty amazing
A random little mouse house
The view from behind the kitchen ~ there is an old fashioned cook stove just in case you lose power
The view standing by the front door of the dining room area.
Here is the living room
Just part of the décor
The front of the lodge ~ Spring has yet to find this area of the world
The main house, carport and a large room that the owner used to teach English to guests from other countries
A two seater outhouse. One side for the ladies, the other for the men
The hay loft section of the log barn
Amazing craftsmanship that stands the test of time
The tack room in the barn
A sweet horse named Belle
This is the Trapper's Cabin that is beside the car port with a shower room on the side.
Inside the Trapper's Cabin
I can imagine that Spring in this part of the world is extra magnificent
An old tree house needing some love.
This is not on the ranch but on the drive to the lake that is close by. I wanted to document that this might have been this treasure's last winter standing.
And here is the lake. It is incredibly beautiful.
This is the river that is also very close to the ranch
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