The Masterpiece

  A couple nights ago I read a book by Francine Rivers. It is her newest one and it is called 'The Masterpiece'. She wrote it with the intention of exploring childhood trauma and how that trauma affects individuals as adults.

  I had no really clear notions about trauma (that specific word and what it meant) probably until I was in my twenties. After I experienced a miscarriage and subsequently cancer and chemo I think I started to feel the effects of trauma deeply. When we adopted our eldest and had our first biological child then I really started to try to understand what trauma was because I was suffering and then so were my children. Some of the best resources I found were by a lady named Karyn Purvis. I found out about her from a lady who is a foster mother and was able to attend a conference where she was speaking. There are many many resources now and so much more knowledge around trauma then ever before. What a blessing this is.

  Trauma at any stage in life sucks. When you are a child though, and have no tools to form words around it or process anything, how do you get through it? You can essentially get 'stuck' in your brain at that age even though your body might still continue to grow. Sometimes the way you respond to certain situations may seem normal to you but to others you are acting very very young, even though, for example, you are twenty five years old or sixty. If you are prone to temper tantrums or deep depression or are unable to control certain habits...the list goes on...you may be dealing with some unresolved trauma. We may not remember it, our mind may have repressed it but our body may be telling us things need dealing with.

We need to listen.

  Realizing you have gone through trauma and deciding to attempt to allow your body to deal with this fact can be quite a journey. Dealing with and working through hard things from your past are just not easy. A lot lot lot of people just never can. They don't feel strong enough, they don't have the tools or awareness, and for their entire life they just shove it down, look the other way, lash out when necessary, or form addictions, or just do whatever they need to do to get through life. So be it. Fair enough. However, they usually pass down the effects of the trauma, the ripple effect, to their offspring and the on the cycle goes.

  Deciding to deal with trauma is just purely brave.

  And here is the kicker...in our society is there time to 'deal' with trauma? Are you given months, years even, to grieve, rest, sleep, seek constant support and heal? It took you how many years to get to this spot? This exact moment in time where you decide you want to deal with some of these lingering wounds? Well, it might just take a lot longer than you think for the wounds to heal. We tend to have such impatience. We tend to give ourselves a couple weeks and a few counseling sessions and if there is not a miracle cure we blame others or throw our hands up in the air and decide it is all failure and get right back into whatever cycles we had gotten into to cope with the effects of the trauma. You'll need to give yourself time and be okay with a long process. Patience, self care, love, support, love, exercise, cleansing, peace, love...you get it...is all needed in large doses for a wounded soul to heal. The pain is hard, you want to get it away, it is scary ~ yet when it is dealt with and healed....the freedom is pure beauty.

  Most of us are wounded in some way shape or form. Most of us need a lot of love and support to get through life. Some of us just feel like we don't have that. Here is the kicker, we have to make that happen then. We have to tell ourselves the truth that we just might need to pay a counselor to ask us the good questions and to care for us through it. We might just have to pay for a life coach, a personal trainer, whoever it is...to help us through. If we are stuck at some point in childhood that is not going to be what feels right (having to work to pay someone). We will want some sort of parent figure to take control and we will want to form some co dependent relationship ~ do you get what I mean? Growing up means taking responsibility for our issues. That does not mean that what happened was our fault. It just means that they are our own issues now and we need to deal with them.

  I have realized that the reasons I want to heal is because I really do not want to pass down certain behaviors to my children. I have failed in so many ways as a parent but who hasn't. I am so thankful I have been given the chance to learn about trauma, and that I have words around it. I am thankful I can form clear thoughts and have more self awareness. As time passes I also have realized I want to heal for myself as well.

  Healing brings rest for that weary battered soul.

It takes time

It is usually a long rough journey and that is okay!

After reading 'The Masterpiece' by Francine Rivers I remembered yet again the work I have done in my life and the work still to be done in regards to healing. I was reminded how each soul's journey is so unique.

  I also was reminded that the ultimate healer is Jesus and that he provides so many opportunities to find healing. We just have to take that outstretched hand and say yes.

xo